


Baby, I'm a Star

by cactusgal



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst and Humor, Attempt at Humor, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Fluff and Humor, Happy Ending, It will take a while, Like, M/M, Not Beta Read, Singer Dan Howell, Slow Build, Slow-ish burn, Swearing, but the waiting will amount to a payoff, but what isn't cliche tbh, kinda cliche, no sex bc i am ace lol, technician phil
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-06
Updated: 2020-04-16
Packaged: 2020-08-10 18:56:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 65,670
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20140363
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cactusgal/pseuds/cactusgal
Summary: Phil is a lighting designer. Bored with the community concert gigs he has worked for a couple years, he applies at a touring company. He is assigned to a popular band, the dreamx, to cover a world tour. Getting paid to work on nearly every continent: how rad is that? Phil's excited until the first day of rehearsal when he learns something vital: the lead singer is a complete twat. Will Phil quit his job? Will Daniel, the lead singer, realize how much of a dick he's being? Will they eventually forget their differences and become friends? Who knows. Only time will tell.Loosely based on the song "Baby, I'm a Star" by Prince and has aspects of the film "Lost In Translation".





	1. London, England

Phil sat at a desk in the tech booth, waiting behind his computer. He and PJ, the sound technician, were sitting in for the first tech rehearsal where he had to do a cue by cue. People were running around on stage, like ants across a picnic blanket. The two were removed and watched from afar, sat behind a large window. The theatre they were rehearsing at was a fairly nice one, with seemingly hundreds of rows with thousands of seats The tech booth was impressive as well, with large counters for their computers and boards as well as areas for other technicians. This was nothing like the cramped booths at the gigs Phil had worked before; it was bloody luxurious. His seat was leather, for god's sake.

PJ sat beside him, his board and computer in front of him. Phil had met PJ during some of the meetings they had before the first rehearsal, but he didn’t know the guy. From the few minutes of conversation they had when Phil arrived, Phil liked him. He seemed cool. His girlfriend, Sophie, was sitting beside him, curled up in another leather desk chair. She was nice too. She was the band’s new social media manager; she had signed the contract to work the tour at the same time PJ him. Phil figured that was fortunate, for they would still get to be together even though they were headed on a world tour.

The tech rehearsal was supposed to start at 1 PM, but for some reason, it was five past and nothing was happening. Part of the crew was setting up the drumset and the other set pieces, sound techs mic-ing the whole stage. However, nothing seemed to be happening as far as the rehearsal went. _ So much for being a professional company_, Phil thought absentmindedly, sipping his coffee. When he signed to work this tour, he thought that the company might have it a bit more together than the community concert people he worked with before---that didn’t seem to be the case so far. PJ seemed to have the same thought, looking over to him with a questioning glance.

“Are we gonna start soon or-” he asked, but was interrupted by their headset.

“Tech on hold,” the stage manager, Marcy, said through his headset.

“What do you think it is?” PJ asked him, right before the headset buzzed again.

“Leo and Tara, would you please come off headset and look for Daniel?” Marcy sounded exasperated. Phil didn’t know either of those people, so he assumed they were stagehands.

“Leo off headset.”

“Sure thing. Tara off headset.”

“I think we have our answer right there,” Phil mumbled, drinking his coffee. He was so thankful to have it. If he didn’t have a coffee after lunch, he turned into a monster.

When he was first assigned by the company to work ‘the dreamx’ tour, he couldn’t help but feel excited. He had worked at community concerts for a few years and frankly, was getting bored of the generic washes of light and single spotlights. In the beginning, he was thankful for the job, but after a while, it started to be irritatingly mundane. He had a full degree in technical theatre; it felt as if he wasn’t using his degree to its full capacity. When he applied for a job with a touring company, he was looking to not be stuck in those local, small scale jobs. Technical theatre was a hard job to get into, but much easier than acting or the performance side of it. Still, when he was accepted, he was pleasantly surprised.

When he signed his contract, it felt like all the vapidness of the previous gig would vanish. He didn’t know of the band, but he guessed they must have been somewhat popular because they were set to tour the whole world. Asia, Australia, America, and all across Europe. It wasn't like he was particularily versed in pop culture anyways, since he usually sticked to geekier interest. He enjoyed ligthing theatre more than concerts, but he was looking forward to the traveling aspect.

So, even though he wasn’t familiar with the band, he assumed that this ‘Daniel’ they were looking for was a part of it._ Same shit as always_ he thought.

“Of course it’s the act,” PJ shook his head, confirming Phil’s deduction.

“Are you really that surprised,” Phil chuckled.

“Who is it?” Sophie looked up from her phone.

Before PJ could even respond, the headset was blowing up again.

“Tara on headset. We found Daniel.”

“Of course it was Dan,” Sophie shook her head, muttering to PJ. Guess PJ's headset was loung enough that she could hear.

“As soon as Leo is on, we can start the cue to cue,” Marcy said.

Phil sat up in his chair, placing his hands on the board. Finally.

“Thank you for holding. Phil and PJ please change to channel three so I can talk to you and the stage separately. And can I have Preshow?” the director, Lizza, asked over the mic. She was sitting down in the actual audience; the only sight he had of her was a messy topknot and the bright screen of a laptop. She had a microphone so that if she needed to order someone around who wasn’t on headset, she could do so. She seemed cool too. At least that was the impression Phil got from the few tech meetings he attended with her.

Phil navigated through the system easily, starting from the top of the cue list. He had already programed pre and post-show, so he just hit go on the cue. PJ also hit go on the pre-show playlist, which started playing Make Me Feel by Janelle Monae. _I guess that’s how this band is,_ Phil chuckled.

“Great. House to half?” Lizza said, causing Phil to hit the go button again and the music to fade out.

“Alright. I know I gave you all scripts with notes, but this band is pretty flimsy with what they want. Be prepared to change a lot of it,” Lizza muttered. Phil looked over to his script, his pencil sat atop it. Every single act he had worked changed what they wanted as far as lighting and sound went. _At least she acknowledges that._

“Now for the first show look, we want something epic where each band member comes out individually. I talked to you about it in the tech meeting, but I just wanted to remind you,” Lizza said. Phil was glad she said that; he had zoned out during most of the meeting.

“First, Chris on the drums,” Lizza said, “ Phil, we want the stage to look barren and empty.”

“Copy,” Phil said, already tapping out the cue. In a few seconds, the stage had a bare white light on it, popping out against the black backdrop and the cool fixtures that were set up. It made the set look more like a warehouse, which he was assuming is what Lizza was going for.

“Great. Chris, can you please walk out?” Lizza used the microphone, the sound echoing through the empty theatre. A few seconds later, a guy in black skinny jeans and a striped shirt came out. He walked out, flipping the drumsticks in his hands. Phil guessed this was just a kind of regular drummer mannerism.

“Alright Chris, please go to the moment,” she said before speaking into the headset. Chris started to walk over to the drums.

“PJ, please turn on Chris’s mic. Phil, when Chris first hits the drums, we want a blackout and then pulse of colors with the beat. Blues and Purples. Could we try that?”

“Yes. Could Chris do the beat pattern first?” Phil was already writing the cues, his fingers flying on the board. A small smile grew on his face; this fast paced enviroment was already far superior to the community concerts.

“Sure. And it doesn’t have to be perfect right now. We’re still in early tech.”

“Thanks,” Phil said.

“Chris, could you please just tap out the rhythm? Don’t do full performance level here,” Lizza said.

Chris shrugged, pushing his hair out of his eyes before tapping out the beat a few times. Phil felt like he had the hang of it. It was pretty easy: just two beats and then a pause. There were some cymbals thrown in some places, but he pretty much had it. When he had the cues written, they went through it and Phil nailed it on the first try.

“Awesome! So, Phil, this is going to build and Anthony is gonna walk out stage left and play a note. Give him a red spot during the note and then take it out.”

Phil did so with ease.

“Then Louise will walk in stage right and play a gnarly bass thing or whatever. Do the same thing as you did with Anthony but in pink.”

Phil’s fingers practically glided across the light board. He felt like he was getting into the rhythm of it.

“Then, make a purple spot for Tim. Tim’s filling in for Jon, who quit the band like, a few weeks ago to pursue a solo career,” Lizza said.

“Okay,” Phil said. He had no idea who the original guy even was, but he wasn’t going to ask like an idiot. Besides, it didn’t even matter at that point.

“He’s upstage right,” Lizza said. Phil noted where the keyboard was and assumed she meant there.

“Got it.”

“PJ, Marcy will tell you when they are exiting the wings and you can turn on their mics then?”

“Yep.”

They ran through a few more cues, Phil writing the cues to whatever the first song was. They cued up to what seemed like a pivotal moment, which is where Lizza stopped them.

“Alright, can we run through that?” Lizza asked.

The whole com system blew up with yes’s.

“Alright, let’s try it,” she spoke into the mic, “Chris, Louise, Anthony, and Tim, please go as if it were a real show.”

They went through the Preshow and house to half quickly, getting to Chris’s entrance in a matter of seconds. He looked different than he had when he walked out before, standing more upright and having a cocky grin on his features as if he was laughing to himself. He spun the drumstick in his hand, sitting on the drum stool and taking his time. He was fully owning the stage and making his presence known. Phil was ready, his finger on the go button. Chris finally raised his drumsticks and slammed down on the drums, causing a full blackout with a flash of purple. He then waited two seconds, which Phil had tapped out, before hitting the drums twice, with a flash of blue than purple. The next alteration had blue and purple then a fade up of magenta when he was tapping the cymbal. Then, during the fourth segment, he heard the long wail of Anthony’s guitar, a spot falling in his place. Then the fifth segment with Louise on the bass, the deep pink hitting her gold locks as she hit the note. The sixth segment was Tim playing a little riff on the piano, his afro illuminated by the purple. After that, there was some more buildup that they had run through before they stopped. Phil couldn’t help but feel let off. It was one hell of a buildup that seemed to lead to nothing. He wanted something to happen; the designers of the show had figured out a hell of a scheme. The audiences were going to go nuts over it.

“That was great!” Lizza said cheerily over the mic.

“Brilliant, mate,” PJ nodded beside him, “You said this was your first gig?”

“Real one, yeah” Phil chuckled.

“You’re a pro for a newbie,” PJ laughed.

“Alright, we need white follows to point towards center upstage. PJ please make the centerstage mic live,” Lizza said, snapping the boys back into what they were doing.

Phil typed and it was so. PJ did as well, sitting back in his chair after hitting the button.

“Daniel, could you please walk forward to your first position?” she ordered over the mic, “Follow him, Phil.”

“Got it.”

‘Daniel’ was suddenly walking out of center upstage, heels clicking on the floor. Unlike the other band members, who were all standing looking bored--everyone hated tech--Daniel strutted out in full performance. He wore ripped black skinny jeans, pumps and a checkered crop top. He walked with a strut, a smirk on his face. Phil didn’t know what to think, but there was no doubt that the man stole all of his attention. It wasn’t hard to order the spots to follow him since Phil’s eyes were already doing that.

Daniel took the mic center stage with a certain amount of confidence. He kind of chuckled, breaking out into a small smile. He knew that he owned the stage; it was evident in his movement and smile. And Phil was fully hypnotized, his mouth hung open slightly.

“Hold,” Lizza barked and the electricity of the performance suddenly stopped, taking Phil out of his trance.

Daniel suddenly changed. Rather than the confident look he sported just moments earlier, he sighed loudly, crossing his arms and rolling his eyes._ Someone doesn’t like tech rehearsal,_ Phil thought. It was crazy how quickly one person’s demeanor could change. Phil still couldn’t help but check him out though; the man was hot.

“Alright so, when Daniel sings the opening note, Phil please make the spots swoop up,” Lizza said through the headset.

Phil wrote the cue almost on autopilot, still staring at the cute boy in the crop top on the stage. He was so far away, as if he was almost removed from Phil. As if he wasn’t real, merely a figment of Phil’s imagination.

“Great. Then Chris will hit the opening beat and the song will begin. You can go into regular performance stuff at that point. Make sure to have the band members lit in a white spot, but you can decide on the other colors within the scheme. Fuck around with it. Make it look cool.”

“I can try,” Phil said into his headset, the corners of his mouth turning into a grin. He had liked Lizza from the first tech meeting; she was down to earth and not into the whole painstakingly professional persona. He liked that.

“Okay, can we go from top of show and play through the first song?”

They started the first song without difficulty. The beginning Phil pretty much had a hold on, for they had now run through it twice. During the actual song, Phil just felt out what looked cool behind the performers, trying to pulsate the colors on Chris’s drum beats. He couldn’t help but watch Daniel, who seemed to get really into it. He sang about breaking hearts or some bullshit. The music felt raw and very experimental, yet funky and cool. Phil tried to convey that through the lighting. He messed with the faders and although it didn’t look perfect, he still thought it looked so cool. He was having fun.

They were about halfway through what Phil recognized as the bridge before Daniel stopped singing.

“Can we stop?” Daniel asked suddenly, causing the band to stop playing. Phil was confused. It was a tech rehearsal; the director was the only one who was supposed to call hold. PJ was confused too, looking over to Phil with a cocked eyebrow.

“What’s the matter?” Lizza asked over the mic. She didn’t sound pleased.

“During the bridge, the lights can’t be moving. It needs to stay with just light on all of us,” Daniel said matter of factly, crossing his arms over his chest and standing defiantly. Almost testingly.

“That’s up to the lighting operator or me,” Lizza said. _It is_ Phil thought.

“No, it’s up to us. It’s our band,” Daniel shot back, keeping his arms crossed, but narrowing his eyes. Phil was appalled. He hated talent that were so blatantly disrespectful to the techies. It would be one thing to just talk shit behind Phil’s back but to blatantly call him out on the first day was just a slap in the face.

“What a twat,” PJ muttered next to him. Phil murmered in agreement.

“Alright. Do you want to take it from the second chorus?”

“Yep,” Daniel said matter of factly, and in a few seconds, the band was back to how they were before as if Daniel had said nothing at all.

What the hell.

Phil felt stilted. His hands weren’t typing as effortlessly as they had before. Phil obliged with Daniel’s order, not messing with the faders at all during the bridge portion. He just sat, staring at Daniel angrily. Any bit of him that Phil thought was attractive before had died, replaced by utter annoyance.

They finally made it to the end of the song, which felt like a relief. Phil caught Daniel’s mumble of ‘much better’ into the mic, which made him feel even angrier.

\---

The whole tech rehearsal went the same way. The show wasn't hard to cue since Lizza just told him to fuck around with the majority of it. Some key moments had to be exactly cued, like the song where Daniel was singing to ‘Susan’ who was a large neon woman on stage right that Phil had to switch on once the song started. Daniel interacted with the nearly 4-meter sign, circling her and having the lighting cues cued to his movements and the sounds of the song.

Daniel took no discretion in ordering the lights to be a certain way, fully stopping the songs to speak out his desires. He would always have a specific look and his words sounded so posh, which only fueled Phil’s anger. Lizza was doing nothing to stop him, which was like adding lighter fluid to a bonfire. He made every fine adjustment that Daniel had asked for since it was his job, but he was just a ball of anger in his seat. His jaw was clenched and his face felt tight with frustration. PJ tried to whisper words of encouragement, but it wasn’t helping at all. Phil was just fuming at the sight of the curly-haired man, raising his hand every time to stop his fellow band members and another order rolling off his tongue.

It was another four hours of hell before they finally made it to dinner break.

“Alright everyone, great work. Let’s break for dinner,” Lizza finally said, causing both PJ and Phil to sigh in relief.

The dinner was catered, which Phil appreciated. He had money, but he wasn't going to pass up on free food. Phil sighed, signing off headset before sliding back in his rolly chair. He ran his hands over his face. He was surprised that he hadn’t blown up by that whole time, for he was so ready to.

“Mate, that was brutal,” PJ sighed, spinning towards him, running his hand through his wavy hair.

“You’re telling me,” Phil mumbled, looking down.

“Sorry, that guy’s a real twat.”

“Yeah,” Phil sighed. He didn’t want to get into it. He didn’t like spreading negativity; hell, he was going to have to work with these people for the next few months. Now wasn’t the time to start drama. Maybe it would be better if he ate something. Maybe then he would be more apt to put up with bullshit.

They both exited the booth, heading through the audience and to the green room. Sophie had to leave during the beginning of the first song to deal with a client but promised to be in the green room, PJ had told him. While they were headed down the aisle, Lizza seemed to be getting up too. She spotted Phil and rushed over.

“Hey!” she said, “I’m really sorry about Daniel. I forgot to warn you. He’s a real perfectionist.”

“No kidding,” Phil chuckled darkly.

“You’ve been doing a great job. Don’t let him get to you,” Lizza smiled, pushing her glasses up the bridge of her nose, “You too, PJ.”

“Thanks,” PJ grinned.

“Do you know what the food is, by any chance?” Phil asked for it was the first thing he could think of. He didn’t want to talk about the whole Dan thing. He also continued to walk to the green room, Lizza, and PJ following his lead.

“Yeah. Other bands I’ve worked with get better food, but this band loves Dominos, so they get a lot of it. Be prepared.”

“That’s amazing,” Phil sighed, “I need some greasy pizza in me.”

“Alright,” Lizza snorted, “That’s not how I would phrase that, but okay.”

The three laughed. They, by that point, reached the room they were talking about. It was a pretty large room, with tables and chairs set up for the whole cast. Lizza muttered something before rushing off. He guessed that not getting to be social was inherently the job of the director. Phil immediately spotted Sophie sat on a couch in the corner of the room. She saw them too, smiling and waving them over. They stopped by the table first, which was adorned with dozens of pizza boxes. Phil seemed to notice one pizza in particular.

“Oh my god, they have the sizzler.”

“Someone’s a fan,” PJ chuckled.

“This is just what I needed,” Phil grabbed a plate and loaded it up with 3 slices, “This is karma getting me back for earlier.”

“Whatever you say, mate,” PJ piled up his plate before heading over to the couches Sophie was sitting on. Phil followed him. Where Sophie chose to sit was kind of hidden; he guessed it was funny for them. Techies don’t like to be in the spotlight, both in and out of work.

“Have you toured for a while?” Phil asked.

“Yeah. It’s been a few years now,” PJ shrugged, “It’s cool to have a job where we’re not separated and get to travel a ton. We're lucky that we have booked so many gigs together.”

“That’s nice,” Phil nodded, sitting down on the couch by Sophie. He immediately slouched, cradling his pizza like it was the most important thing in the world (which it was).

“Hey Sophie!” Phil recognized one of the band members, Chris, speaking to Sophie as he entered the room.

“Hello!” she waved and he grinned, heading over to the pizza table.

“He’s probably the most polite of the bunch. I think you’d get along with him, Peej,” Sophie said quietly, taking a big bite out of her pizza.

“You think?” PJ said.

“Yeah. You too, Phil,” she nodded his direction.

“Huh,” Phil muttered to himself, watching as Chris walked with his plate to the other side of the room, joining the rest of the band at the large table. They were rather loud. In Phil’s experience, the act was always a lot louder than the techies. It wasn’t that surprising. However, only then did Phil tune into the conversation that was happening at the big table.

“I just don’t know what that damn lighting guy was on. It was complete horseshit!” Daniel said loudly, totally oblivious to the fact that Phil sat only a couple meters away. PJ heard too, sending an apologetic look to Phil. Phil didn’t notice though, staring daggers into the back of Daniel’s head.

“Give the guy a break, it’s the first day of rehearsal,” Anthony said through a mouthful of food.

“But it was all wrong! Offbeat and awkward,” Daniel protested.

“Dan,” Louise looked at him knowingly, “Lower your voice. He’s probably in here. It’s a full company dinner.”

“I don’t give a shit,” Daniel said, causing Phil to roll his eyes.

“How much would they like it if I didn’t give them light at all?” Phil muttered under his breath, causing PJ to snort. Techies understood each other---the talent was always full of shit.

“How hard could it even be? It’s just hitting buttons,” Daniel said.

“Daniel, would you please stop insulting your show’s tech,” Lizza was walking by the table and she fully stopped at the “buttons” comment. She did not seem pleased with Daniel. T_hank god she’s saying something._

“We’ve already had enough technicians quit because of you, Dan.”

“They weren’t doing their fucking jobs right,” Daniel huffed, turning ‘round to talk to her, “They aren’t even important.”

“Techies are important and they stop you from making an ass of yourself onstage.”

Daniel rolled his eyes, unfazed by her. He threw up his hands as if she was being the one who was unprofessional in the situation. Phil couldn’t believe this; with a lead singer like this, how the hell had this band made it in the industry? At least most people pretend to be nice. Dan was just letting his arrogance show fully.

“If you want the stage to have lights, you need to be nice,” she said firmly.

“Sorry,” he sad insincerely, rolling his eyes and turning back in his chair. That was probably the most apology she was going to pull from him at this point.

“Whatever. Places in 10,” She mumbled, taking another bite from her pizza as she left the room.

“Thank you places,” Phil muttered into his pizza, angrily staring at the back of Dan’s head.


	2. London, England Continued

Daniel hadn’t gotten any better and Phil didn’t know how much more he could take.

He had been a little better after Lizza had called him out, but he was still incessant. Phil felt as if he was getting the hang of it, really learning the music and timing his cues perfectly. However, if he was a millisecond late on a cue, Daniel would comment about it after the song was done. Phil didn't understand. PJ sometimes was late on sound cues and the stage crew had taken a while to get really good at wheeling out Susan (the neon sign, PJ and he had started referring to it as that jokingly). Hell, the wardrobe crew had taken too long changing him into one outfit after another once, leaving the band to improvise for 2 extra minutes. Sure, he would sometimes comment on it, but nowhere near the consistency of his complaints about the lighting.

Even at the cast dinners he would make remarks about Phil’s lighting. Somedays Phil would be lucky and he’d only talk about it for a minute before moving onto some other flippant topic. Some days, he’d go on about it for 10 minutes; those days Phil liked to excuse himself early so he didn’t have to hear any more of the horseshit. Daniel ranted on and on about the lack of professionalism, calling Phil’s technique juvenile and sloppy. Phil thought Daniel was in no position to talk about lack of professionalism. He showed up late and was a loudmouth, yet he thought Phil needed to rethink his behavior. What an ass.

Dan was consistently late. Phil didn’t know how much time the whole cast and crew have spent waiting for him, but it was every goddamn day of rehearsal. And unlike the first day, he would always walk onto the stage with big sunglasses, a huge coat, and heels. He looked around and said “Did I miss anything?” knowing that they hadn’t started without him. It was almost as if he was mocking them. Every goddamn day it was some iteration of that. Lizza would mutter “no” and he would follow with some little joke about how we get paid so much for not working. _Says you_ Phil would think, seething. He fully abhorred that man.

They had just broken for dinner after one of the worst nights of rehearsal. Daniel had them go back eleven times during “Living Truth” so that Phil could “get the cue right”. The first time, he had used a DJ program that lined up the light pulses with the music, so he knew that light hit perfectly on beat. However, Daniel kept on stopping it and having them go back. Every time, Phil got angrier and angrier. He used the same goddamn system that he knew was hitting the light at the same time as the beat. Yet, Dan kept on remarking on how awful it looked and having them restart. It seemed like Daniel was just taunting him and he hated it.

That night, Phil couldn’t keep his cool anymore.

“PJ, would you grab me something? I think I’m gonna eat up here,” Phil muttered through gritted teeth after Lizza called for their dinner break. He needed more coffee desperately. There was a Starbucks across the street that he’d probably run to. He didn’t have enough caffeine in his system to deal with Daniel’s bullshit that day.

“Sure. Is everything alright?” PJ cocked an eyebrow, “I mean, he was awful tonight, but you usually handle it pretty well.”

“I don’t know. I just can’t stand him.”

“Oh, I know. He’s starting to get on my nerves too and I’m usually pretty level headed,” PJ sighed.

“I just would rather not have to hear about it in the green room.”

“I understand,” PJ nodded, getting up out of his chair, “For what it’s worth, I hope it gets better.”

“Thank you,” Phil offered a tiny smile. He really appreciated the concern.

PJ made his way out, leaving Phil alone in the booth.

This was going to be a long few months.


	3. San Francisco, California

San Francisco was their first actual show. It felt weird, for usually, tours start in huge towns, like New York or London, but the band had first booked San Francisco. Phil had never been there, but once they arrived, he loved it. It was so lovely, with pretty houses, steep streets, and greenery. It felt very picturesque. However, he didn’t get to see much of it, for they were bussed directly from the airport to the venue.

It felt strange, the fact that the show was happening. It had only been one month of tech rehearsal, but it still felt like he should be going to rehearsal every day. He got used to the routine. The date snuck up on him and before he knew it, he packed his bag to get on a 10 AM flight to SFO. It felt weird to leave his shitty flat in London and not be back for a few months, but he didn't have much of an attachment to it. The week before he had visited with a few friends, who were all freaking out about him leaving and insisting that Phil kept them updated. The fact that he was leaving didn't even feel real until he boarded the private aircraft, loaded with all the crew and the entire set. The flight was long and horrid, for Phil couldn't will himself to sleep no matter how hard he tried. But he had made it, nonetheless. His anxieties started to sneak up on him as he watched the scenery pass by the bus window. This was real. He was in America and they were going to do the show that night with actual people watching. He had done shows before, sure, but this particular performance had such high stakes.

When he arrived at the booth with PJ, he saw the crew was already working on assembling the oh so familiar stage. Yeah, the venue was a little different, but the stage looked the same nevertheless. The booth was also a little smaller, but the lightboard he had grown so used to was sitting in place, ready for him to use. It felt reassuring to stare at the same set and use the same board that he had used every single day for the past month. He knew what he was doing; all was not lost. Phil started booting up the board and his cues on his laptop, testing them as PJ had the crew do a soundcheck. It was blissful; they worked like a well-oiled machine. When they finally had everything done, they had some extra time to kill before they did soundcheck with the band. PJ and he had gotten to be friends from the many hours they spent in the booth together. Beyond that, they had a lot of similar interests, so they had formed a fast friendship. They fell into an easy conversation about the latest Nintendo game, which had come out a few days before. PJ was easy to talk to, so time flew by. Various stagehands ambled about the stage, but Phil was watching more passively, his focus on their conversation. Even though time went by quickly, it got to that point where Phil sensed that a lot of time passed by and nothing seemed to be happening.

“Geez, what’s taking them so long?” PJ asked after their conversation about favorite Nintendo controllers of childhood had wrapped. Phil looked at the time on the computer. They were supposed to start tech 30 minutes ago.

“Hold on Peej, lemme check the system for a second,” Phil held up his headset. Radio silence from the booth channel. He switched to the channel that was connected to the stage and immediately heard Lizza’s voice.

“Is anyone else on this system? We need all hands on deck.”

“Phil on headset. What’s the matter, Lizza?” Phil looked over at PJ, who was staring at him with a questioning look.

“Thank god. Phil, will you and PJ look around for Daniel? We can’t find him and he’s not in one of his usual places,” Lizza said. She sounded exhausted.

“Sure,” Phil mumbled, immediately deflating at the sound of Dan’s name. Of course it was him. He set down the headset, rubbing his hands over his face.

“What’s up?”

“Daniel.”

“Do we need to look for him?” PJ cocked an eyebrow.

“Yeah.”

“Alright, I’ll check stage door and you’ll check the front of the venue,” PJ muttered. He sounded irritated too.

“Alright,” Phil sighed.

Phil didn’t know the theater well, but somehow found his way to the main entrance. The front of the venue had large windows, showing Phil how many people had shown up for the event. When he saw how massive the crowd was, he was pretty surprised, stopping his brisk walk almost inherently. There were crowds of fans, probably waiting for the doors to open so they could rush in and get to their seats. There didn’t seem to be any sort of order; they were just clumping by the doors, looking ready for them to open any minute. Phil didn’t know why he was so surprised to see so many people ready for the show; he knew he would be working for a popular band. He just didn’t realize how popular.

The fans were excited---Phil could feel it radiating from them. He could only hear muffled conversation---the glass was probably soundproof--- but they all seemed ecstatic to be there. They were all dressed up, some in fancier clothes and others in more slouchy stuff. A couple of fans had what looked like ‘the dreamx’ merch, shirts with Daniel’s irritating face on it. A few held pride flags, interestingly enough, and a handful seemed to have signs. They watched inside for any sign that the venue would be opening. A few of the fans looked at him, as if questioning what he was doing inside or if maybe he would be the one to open the gate. This caused Phil to continue to move, remembering what his mission was.

The crowd seemed to be denser around something and the noise seemed to grow louder. He saw a bunch of fans with their phones out and when he saw the phones, Phil knew instantly what it was. He sighed, making his way over to the glass door nearest the clump.

“DANIEL I LOVE YOU!”

“OH MY GOD!”

“DANIEL!”

Phil was assaulted with voices the moment he stepped out of the door. Sure enough, the curly-haired douchebag stood in a cropped NASA cat shirt and his usual ripped skinny jeans. His huge sunglasses were on his forehead and he wore his large jacket unzipped. He was smiling, signing fan’s posters, and posing for pictures. Completely different to the dickwad he knew was hiding under there.

Phil sighed. He wanted to go inside and make it someone else’s problem, but he knew what he had to do. He waited until Daniel seemed to be in a lull between signings; even Phil knew it was rude to just yank Daniel away. It wouldn’t be fair to the fans, as delusional as they were. They seemed so excited that Daniel was there; he would feel bad about depriving them of their joy. When that lull finally came---which only lasted a millisecond---Phil didn’t want to say anything, yet he felt obligated to. _I don’t get paid enough for this shit._

“Daniel,” Phil tapped him on the shoulder, causing him to whip around with the fake fan smile. It faltered into surprise when his eyes finally landed on Phil.

“Preshow Tech started thirty minutes ago.”

Phil expected some sort of snappy remark, but funnily enough, he nodded, turning to his fans.

“Sorry guys! It was lovely to meet you all! Looking forward to the show,” his fake fan smile reappeared, waving to the now distressed crowd. There were definitely screams telling him to come back, hands grabbing at him and people still yelling his name, but the bodyguards (that Phil hadn’t noticed before), held the crowd back, allowing Phil to unlock the door and let Dan inside.

After they got inside, the screeches of the fans were dullened by the window panes. Phil was completely ready to go back to his comfortable booth chair and just get on with tech. He turned to walk away, but then Dan suddenly asked.

“Hey, I don’t know this venue very well. Could you help me get backstage?”

Phil stopped. He wanted to say ‘fuck off’ and leave, but the band’s existence was providing him with a job. So he closed his eyes, took a deep breath, spun around, and muttered: “right this way, Daniel.”

And he took off. He expected Daniel to know to follow him.

“Just call me Dan,” Dan sighed, walking behind him.

Phil just nodded and didn’t say anything else, merely leading the way and letting _Dan_ follow. Phil didn’t know the venue well, but he was still determined to end this interaction. He walked with Dan down a series of hallways, finally reaching the door that had “WING STAGE RIGHT” written in big, white letters. Phil hated Dan, but he was sure he was smart enough to know that Dan could find the rest of the way. He was an asshole, but he wasn’t dumb.

“Thank you,” Dan said.

“Sure,” Phil mumbled.

Phil turned around to leave again, but suddenly, he felt a hand on his shoulder.

“How come I haven’t seen you before? Were you just hired?” Dan eyed him up with curious eyes, letting his hand drift down Phil’s arm. Phil, at that moment, remembered how beautiful Dan was in the beginning. However, this time it hit him like a freight train. From his position in the booth behind the glass, Dan was small, unreal looking. Here he was fully real. Tiny freckles on his cheeks and happy crinkles around his big brown eyes. A smirk with pearly white teeth. A little tummy, peeking out from beneath his crop top. His collar bones standing out. Phil swallowed thickly.

Then Phil remembered the rest and immediately hardened his glance. This man had been giving him hell for the past month; his attractiveness was not going to excuse that.

“No.”

“Then what do you work in?” Dan’s lips curved into more of a smile, his eyes sparkling with curiosity. He looked delicious, but Phil had no appetite.

“Lighting,” Phil muttered before spinning on his heel and marching out of there before Dan could say anything. He did see Dan’s face immediately before he turned around and his expression was one of shock. _Serves him right_ Phil thought, making his trek back to the tech booth.

\--

Dan didn’t say shit about the lighting that day. At first, Phil just thought he was doing good, but after a while, he knew something was up. During the song “Basically I’m Gay”, Phil was late on the rainbow cue after the ‘here, queer, existential fear’ part. After the song ended, Lizza even asked.

“Wow, no complaints?” Lizza said. Phil blushed a little bit, for she was definitely calling him out on his shit, but he deserved it. He had just lost track of what song they were on and didn’t hit go on the rainbow cue until around five seconds had passed by. As soon as it happened, he knew he was going to be dragged for missing it.

“Nope. Can we move on to the next song?” Dan said.

“Geez, he must be in a good mood today,” PJ muttered, “Hasn’t said one word about lighting.”

“I know, must be a miracle,” Phil laughed. He didn’t know what was up, but he sure as hell wasn’t complaining.

The soundcheck went smoothly. Phil still couldn’t help but feel a little nervous for the show, but he was sure it would be fine. He and PJ had to give up their seats behind the boards to the opening band’s tech crew, so they sat in the corner of the booth. It felt kind of nice, for the pressure of actually doing the show wasn’t there yet. They sat for another 30 minutes before the doors opened, but when they finally did, Phil could feel the energy radiating off of the fans as they rushed to their seats. They were chattering happily, a colorful sea amongst the uniform seats. The preshow music was supposed to be in the background, but they sang along to every song on the pre-show playlist. Phil found it particularly funny that they practically erupted when hearing the g note, marking the beginning of “Welcome to the Black Parade”.

“Wow,” Phil chuckled.

“I know. Wasn’t expecting that,” PJ laughed.

“It’s a good song. Don’t blame them,” Phil said.

“Brings me back to my emo days. I could never get the hair to work,” PJ shuddered.

“No way,” Phil laughed, “Me too. I had a nest on my head. It could’ve been home to a whole family of birds.”

“That’s hilarious,” PJ said, “Oh late 2000s, you are sorely missed.”

The audience was very excited about the show, for they erupted when the first opener came on. Phil and PJ stayed sat on their rolly chairs absentmindedly watching the show. Phil liked the music, though it was a little too pop-y for him. PJ seemed to as well and they genuinely had a good time, listening to the openers. There really was nothing like live music. The crowd was ecstatic, singing along to the band and dancing around. _Good crowd tonight,_ Phil thought, sipping some water.

When the two openers had finished, it was finally time for them to get ready for their show, Phil felt the energy of the audience moving through him as he rolled up to the familiar light board. He felt that show rush and they hadn’t even started yet. He knew it was going to be a killer show. He started to boot up his cues, the excitement, and nervousness coursing through his body. Lizza joined them up in the booth after a few minutes had passed, taking a rolly chair that was equidistance between them. She set up her laptop with the call list and looked over to the two boys.

“You ready?” she raised her eyebrows.

“Hell yeah,” PJ grinned.

“Alright. Get ready, boys. They’re going to go fucking wild,” Lizza chuckled before clicking talk on her com box, “All clear in the booth. Whenever you’re ready.”

“We’re ready.”

“Alright, house to half.”

As soon as the lights dimmed, the audience started screaming. They knew fully what was going on. If it felt electric earlier, Phil didn’t know how to describe the energy he was feeling at that moment.

“Alright, go cue one and send Chris out.”

The show had begun.

The band, if Phil thought he had seen them in rehearsal going their all, was giving a thousand percent. They fully owned that stage. The music sounded so good. The cues came easily to Phil. All the practice that had come before the tour made the cues seem like second nature. He was just feeling the music. It felt so raw and experimental, yet popish and familiar.

When Dan came out initially, the crowd practically roared, so much so that they couldn’t continue the song for a full two minutes. Phil hated Dan, but he had to admit, the man put on a damn good performance. Dan was a sex prince, practically radiating confidence and star power. He was dressed in extravagant outfits, that Phil thought looked ridiculous in rehearsal, absolutely killed it in the performance. Even in the lulls between songs, he added in little anecdotes in a smooth, confident voice. He seemed to have no flaws, gliding from song to song with a voice that floated on air. He completely conquered that stage, stealing the audience's attention with every single move.

Time ran away from them as they continued the show. Before Phil knew it, they were going into curtain call. The crowd exploded in cheers and applause as the band took their bow. When Dan finally took his bow, the cheers were so loud that Phil was pretty sure they’d have to check the building for structural damage. However, before they exited the stage, Dan spoke into his mic.

“I also want to give a shout out to our tech crew for this show. We couldn’t do this without you guys. I and the rest of the band really appreciate you,” he said and the audience cheered louder than Phil expected. Phil looked over at Lizza and PJ, who both looked as confused as he did. They did not expect Dan to say that.

“Did he just…” PJ trailed off.

“Goodnight San Francisco!” Dan blew a kiss and walked off the stage. Phil and PJ went to post-show instantly, looking to Lizza. They were all trying to process what had happened.

“Did you tell him to say that?” Phil asked.

“No,” she shook her head, her top knot shaking, “I guess he’s grateful?”

“Doubtful,” PJ chuckled.

“Okay, I guess that’s a wrap,” Lizza says into both her com and to the two boys. With that, Phil began to close out of the program and shut down his board. He felt exhausted. He didn’t know how much jet lag had gotten to him, but he now was craving a bed more than anything. The audience and the adrenaline that came with doing a show, additionally his first show, had distracted him from how exhausted he felt. That energy felt throughout the venue had kept him up, but he now felt it dropping quickly.

“Thank god, I need to sleep,” Phil shakes his head.

“Oh and also, I don’t know if I’ve told this to you guys already, but the whole group is invited to the opening night cocktail party. The label is gonna pay,” Lizza smiled, seemingly excited for it. Phil stopped packing up, processing what she just said. He felt reluctant. He wasn’t the type to pass up on anything free, but all he wanted to do was go lie in bed.

“Come on, Phil, it will be fun,” PJ nudged him, swinging his laptop bag over his shoulder, “While you sat up here during breaks, I got to know the band. They’re actually pretty cool. I think you’d like them.”

Phil really wanted to resist, but PJ seemed so genuinely excited to go and he didn’t want to be a sod. Besides, they had an off day anyways; perhaps he would get caught up on sleep then.

“Alright, but we’re stopping by a Starbucks on the way.”

\---

Just as promised, Phil and PJ arrived at a high-end bar in downtown San Fran. Phil didn’t know what he was expecting, but it was certainly not a fancy bar---maybe he was thinking it would be like a grungy pub or something. So, he immediately felt out of place, in his boring stage blacks and holding a Starbucks cup.

However, PJ had no hesitation in dragging him inside.

There were a lot of people, all dressed in attire that was more proper than his. People in bright, flashy gowns and dark suits made him feel self-conscious. The bar was loud, music pumping, and the lights dim. He didn’t have time to process it, though, since PJ just continued to tug him through.

“Where are we going?” Phil said loudly, barely being heard over the music.

“Lizza told me. Just come along.”

Sure enough, they made it to a security guard at the front of the stairs to the “VIP section”. Of course, the first thing Phil thought was the fact he wasn’t famous and definitely should not have been going in there. PJ seemed confident though, approaching the guard with a happy smile.

“Names?”

“Phil Lester and PJ Ligouri. We’re with the dreamx,” PJ said. Phil was happy PJ was the one to speak there, for he was too disoriented by everything they had passed before.

“Go on,” The guard moved the rope, ushering them to go through. Phil looked to PJ unsurely, but PJ just started to walk up the stairs.

“This feels so odd,” Phil said, “Like, I actually feel coo-”

Just then, his foot decided to miss the step, sending him toppling onto the stairs. Thankfully, his arm just reached forward, so his Starbucks didn’t splash all over him. It did, however, gush all over the carpet.

“Oh my god,” PJ was laughing hysterically, making no move to help Phil out.

The fall hurt, but when Phil realized that his drink had spilled and was now seeping into the white carpeting that adorned the stairs, he practically jolted up. He started to rub it as if magically the coffee would come out of the carpet if he rubbed it hard enough. PJ was still laughing at him. He was mortified. He looked to the security guard guiltily.

“Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry,” He looked between the stain and the carpet. He honestly didn’t know what to do.

“It’s fine,” the guard muttered bitterly, “just go.”

“Okay,” Phil said. He felt guilty. And embarrassed. And his hand was now grossly sticky; he wiped it on his pants, which helped._ So much for the caffeine waking me up._ He glanced back at the bar to see a dozen or so people staring at him. Of course. They must’ve been wondering who let this dweeb into the VIP section? Phil’s cheeks started to glow; why did he have to be so clumsy?

PJ seemed to be barely quelling his chuckles when Phil finally continued to climb up the stairs.

“You’re mean,” Phil said.

“That was really suave, Phil,” PJ was trying to hold his giggles in, but was doing a terrible job.

“Guess that kills my ‘being cool’ moment,” Phil chuckled morosely. He felt really embarrassed, but it might as well have happened. He was so clumsy.

When they finally saw the top room, it was a lot smaller than the main floor, but still styled with dark couches and dim lights. It was pretty vacant, since the entire production team hadn't arrived yet. The rest of the crew typically took longer to get out of the show than it did for PJ and Phil. The band was sat around a booth, chatting and sipping drinks already. Thankfully, Phil noticed that Dan seemed to be missing from the picture, which made him sigh in relief. That made one aspect of the night less awful.

Phil tried to make his way over to where the soundtechs were, but PJ grabbed his arm and tugged him towards the table with the band. When the band finally saw them making their way to the table, they all cheered (except for Tim, who just gave a small smile). They greeted PJ joyously and took no hesitation in introducing themselves to Phil. Phil already knew each of them, from seeing them on stage nearly every day, but it felt nice that they were taking the time to introduce themselves. They squished together into the giant booth so that PJ and Phil would sit with them, on opposite ends of course. Phil immediately ordered a drink---and coffee, which they surprisingly had on the menu---and fell into easy conversation with Louise, who he sat by. She was quite chipper and lovely and very interested in what he had to say, so it wasn’t difficult to make conversation.

As the night progressed on, things pretty much stayed the same. Tim didn’t talk at all, Chris and PJ were talking animatedly and Anthony had left pretty early on to go dance with some girl who hit on him. When he left, he explained that he knew her from some awards show, but Louise whispered to Phil that she knew that was a load of bollocks. The techies had arrived at this point, sitting at another booth and conversing loudly. Phil knew them from the meetings and knew they were all pretty cool, but he felt no desire to move. He was happy he sat by Louise, for she was really genuine and he got along with her quite well. His pretenses about the band were fading away quickly as he talked to her about her daughters and she asked him about where he studied lighting. She was so nice and the rest of them were too. He felt bad about judging the band based on the awful mannered lead singer. At least his pretenses were dismissed.

They were joined by Sophie a few hours after PJ and Phil arrived. She basically melted into PJ’s side, proclaiming something about being tired. Then, the whole group started to tell stories. PJ started telling some wild tale of how he was duped by teenagers for a social experiment. Phil’s third drink(yes, he had gotten to three) was mixing with coffee in his stomach, making him pleasantly buzzed and tired. He laughed more and smiled more. He cuddled into Louise, though he barely knew her as he listened to PJ tell his stories. The whole table had this warm, loving energy. At that point, even Anthony had made his way back, starting to tell his own tale of what happened with the chick on the dance floor.

This soft, warm energy cracked the moment Phil heard the clacking of heels over his shoulder. It was almost like he woke up from a dream. He leaned off of Louise and rubbed his eyes at the noise.

“Oh thank god you’re here,” Phil heard a voice he knew too well over his shoulder. He immediately tensed, turning around and facing the familiar face of Dan Howell. The drinks were making his appearance even more dazzling than usual, but Phil still had enough sense in him to remember his distaste for Dan.

“Phil?”

“Can I help you?” Phil sighed.

“Yeah, can I talk to you for a minute?” Dan looked uneasily at his bandmates, who were all giving him a look.

“Sure, what about?” Phil said slowly, trying to feel out where this was going.

“No, like, in private,” Dan whispered.

“Okay,” Phil got up slowly and unsurely. Anthony wolf-whistled at them (Phil was sure he got the wrong message from the interaction). PJ was sending him a concerned look, but Phil followed Dan away from the booth. As they moved across the room, Phil stared at Dan’s diamond earrings, shining bright in the dim light. They looked so pretty on him. Objectively, of course.

“Look,” Dan finally stopped them by a table a good two meters away from the booth, "I know I've given you a hard time for the past month or so about the lights. I’ve had to deal with a lot of lighting guys that don’t give a shit about making the show look good, so I’ve learned to speak up for what I want or it won't get done.”

“S-what made you have a change of heart?” Phil cocked his head a little bit.

“You're really hot,” Louise chimed in, obviously listening in from the booth. Everyone was, even though Dan was trying to make the conversation discreet.

“Thank you?” Phil was confused.

“No, that's why he stopped being pissy,” Louise giggled. Dan rolled his eyes. It took Phil a second, but suddenly a fact dawned on him.

“Wait, so what made you change your mind is that you find me attractive?” Phil felt himself start to get a little angry. The alcohol was certainly not helping him quell his temper.

“Maybe,” Dan smirked, eyeing Phil up and down again. This made Phil even more irritated.

“So, instead of being an adult and consulting the light operator if you weren't happy with the show, you threw tantrums. Did you only apologize because you find me attractive?”

Dan looked startled.

“I think you're taking this too ser-” Dan started to say, putting his hand on Phil’s arm. Phil winced, brushing the touch off. Phil was not about to be stopped, his words unfiltered flying past his lips.

“It's just a little fucked up that you would only feel remorse so that you could potentially get in my pants. Isn’t that a little fucked up?” Phil knew he was taking it too far, but he couldn’t stop himself. The three drinks before made a little too much truth come out.

“Doesn’t my apology account for anything?” Dan shook his head.

“You never even apologized! You never said I’m sorry. You just made excuses,” Phil said.

“Fine, ‘I’m sorry’” Dan rolled his eyes. His tone was acerbic.

“Don’t say it if you don’t mean it, mate,” Phil clenched his jaw. He was livid.

“I need to leave if you’re going to be like this,” Dan shook his head. He was clearly pissed off too. He started to put on his comically big shades as he turned away from Phil, heels clicking on the wooden floor.

“Yeah. Run away because that’s so professional.”

“You’re a dick,” Dan shouted at him, his hand on the staircase rail.

“You’re no better-” Phil said, immediately being hit on the arm.

“Hey, what was that for?” He whipped his head around to find Louise, staring at him with narrowed eyes. The kind, understanding look she wore before was replaced by frustration.

“You couldn't have said that any nicer?” Louise shook her head at him, “I know he’s an arse, but give him a break.”

“Sorry, Louise,” Phil muttered. Truthfully, he wasn’t sorry for what he said about Dan, even though it was too much. He was just sorry that he upset Louise. That seemed more realistic. Because she was actually an empathetic human being.

“Now I have to deal with that,” Louise rubbed her hands over her eyes, walking briskly towards where Dan had made his grand exit. She disappeared in a matter of seconds, leaving Phil alone by the table.

Phil walked slowly over to PJ, feeling slightly less confident than he did before. The whole table was staring at him questioningly, but Phil tried to ignore their stares.

“Hey-” Phil tried to start a new conversation, but PJ was immediately onto what had just happened.

“What the hell was going on over there? He looked pretty upset.” Phil knew PJ fully heard the conversation, but it was admirable he at least was going to let Phil speak for himself.

“I basically told him off because he thought since I was hot, he'd apologize for being a dipwad during rehearsals.”

“Why is that so bad, mate?” PJ cocked his head, “He’s a dick, but I have to admit the man is fit. I’m straight, but I would tap that if I wasn’t.”

“It just seems wrong. Like, he only is saying sorry so that he can use me for god knows what,” Phil crossed his arms, “It seems wrong.”

“Fair enough. Don't know if that was the best move, but I support you mate,” PJ shrugged, taking another sip of his drink. Phil looked around to the rest of the table, who had moved on. They were now cackling over Chris showing them his baby pictures as if nothing had happened._ At least they don’t hate me too._

“Thanks, Peej,” Phil sighed. He was still seething from the conversation, but at least he didn’t have to see Dan again until later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed! I felt generous, giving two chapters this week, but I think in the future I will stick to just doing one chapter each week. The next chapter will be up next Tuesday around 1 (but I posted early this week so who knows lol).


	4. Seoul, South Korea

They started up the show again a couple of days later. Phil had a day to relax in San Francisco, which he had spent with PJ and Sophie. They were jetlagged and tired but exploring the city had been fun and they found some cool spots. Also, hanging out with them felt lovely. PJ and Sophie had become pretty genuine friends to Phil and he enjoyed spending time with them. Especially as it meant that they got to see beautiful things and not think about the job for a while. They all got a mental break from the show, the company, and everything, which was euphoric.

The next day they headed to Seoul, where they had a full day before the next show. PJ and Sophie went out to explore and invited Phil, but he felt like he wouldn’t be able to stay awake for even an hour. So, he headed straight to the hotel after arriving at the airport. He felt bad for not exploring the city at all, but it was nice to rest. The hotel the company had booked was nice and his room was surprisingly big, so it wasn’t hard to spend all day there. Even if the work was tedious sometimes and the band(one member of it) was annoying as shit, at least he got to stay in a really nice hotel with a luscious bed.

Of course, a day to himself gave him plenty of time to think about the heated argument from the night before. Specifically, after he literally passed out the second he hit the bed, he got up and took a shower. It was about 2 AM, but he figured that trying to normalize his sleep schedule didn’t even matter at that point. The hotel provided him with an expensive feeling sage green robe and white slippers. So of course, the minute he was out of the shower, he put on his boxers and the robe, sliding his feet into the slippers. Then he just sat on his bed, the city buzzing beyond the window of his softly lit hotel room. It was almost as if he wasn’t aware he was even there. He was just caught up in his mind and the happenings of the night before.

He didn’t remember the minute details of the fight, but he still felt justified in his argument. He tried to will himself not to think of it, but the thoughts kept appearing in his head. Dan apologized for all of the insults he threw at Phil’s technique just because he found him attractive. How frustrating was that? He tried to distract himself with twitter, but it didn’t help. The full-day, though it helped get him rest, also made his anger stew and slowly grow. It also totally threw off his sleep schedule.

During tech the next day, Phil felt somewhat rested and ready for the show. Dan, of course, had not shown up until 6 minutes and 43 seconds after tech started---Phil had been keeping track ever since the clock hit 3 PM. It was better than the San Francisco show, but it still managed to make Phil angry. With every second that passed by, he felt the frustration grow a little stronger. When he finally showed up---surprisingly without a cocky thing to say about being late---Phil was furious, the feelings that had been stewing for days now ignited. As they began the soundcheck, in a split-second decision, he decided not to light Dan during the first song. _If he’s not going to show up on time, neither is his spot. _Everything else about the song remained the same, but Dan didn’t have his usual spot. It took a bit more programming, but it was a hassle Phil was more than willing to go through. You could see Dan, sure, but his presence was muted on the stage.

“Phil, where's Daniel's spot?” Lizza muttered halfway through the song.

“I’m getting revenge,” Phil said, still staring daggers at Dan.

“Why?”

“He only apologized for being an ass during rehearsal because he thinks I’m hot,” Phil muttered. He didn’t remember specifically what Dan had said because of the alcohol and all of the time he had been thinking about it dullened the facts, but he knew that was the essence of his words.

“Ah. That's a dick move,” Lizza nodded. He was glad she was so understanding; some other directors would not understand nor let this kind of shit fly.

“Yeah. Also because he was late.”

“I know you want revenge and all and I'm all for that drama, but just don't do this shit during the show, okay? It makes us look bad and wastes the audience's money,” Lizza sighed. She seemed pretty reluctant and definitely tired.

“Of course,” Phil nodded. He felt a tiny bit bad for her, but nowhere near enough that would make him stop. She just let out a loud sigh again and took a sip of her iced coffee.

After the song was finished, Dan, of course, pipes up immediately.

“Hey, where was my light?” Dan asked, squinting as if he was trying to peer into the booth way up in the mezzanine. Phil knew that he couldn’t see anything but a black void---stage lights worked like that. He almost found it comical, Dan’s attempt to look into the booth. Almost.

“The light operator decided not to light you,” Lizza said into her mic.

Dan gave a loud sigh.

“Look, Phil. I'm sorry that I didn't really apologize. But I am apologizing now. I'm sorry I didn't have a conversation with you like an adult and I'm sorry for being a dick. Now, can we please move past this?”

Dan seemed reluctant but honest. It was almost as if he was pleading Phil to forgive him. Phil was surprised by this. He was totally prepared for Dan to rage about him, but not for him to apologize. Dan looked earnest, even.

However, Phil still didn’t feel right. It didn’t seem right that a month of ridicule and complaints could merely be cleaned up with a simple apology. It didn’t feel justified; it was too simple. Plus, it just made Phil even angrier. He didn’t believe the sincerity of Dan’s tone or the openness of his body language. So Phil, instead, sat back, arms crossed and staring daggers at Dan.

“So…” Lizza asked as if she was cueing Phil to say something. Phil didn't say anything. He just let the silence drag on. Dan looked out into the audience as if trying to see Phil. Lizza looked between the two, waiting for someone to say something, anything. After a few seconds, she looked at Dan then back to Phil, sighing loudly.

“You have to believe him at some point,” she muttered bitterly at Phil. He remained silent, ignoring her warning.

She shook her head, holding her mic up to her mic.

“Alright, now can we move on to ‘Kawaii’?” Lizza said into her mic as it was clear nothing else was going to happen. Dan looked confused, but he surprisingly just nodded, getting in his place for the next song.

“Asshole,” Phil muttered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all enjoyed reading! This chapter was a little short, but the next weeks will be longer. What do you think so far? Let me know; I would really appreciate it if you do. The next chapter will be up next Tuesday at 1. See ya munchkins then ;)


	5. Tokyo, Japan

Unfortunately, they had no break in between South Korea and the first Japan show. They were told to sleep on the plane, so Phil obliged. He usually wouldn’t be the type to sleep on planes, but he knew he was going to have to go right into the show afterward. Besides, he was sat by PJ, so he didn’t feel too awkward about it. Although he felt kind of odd, because they both clearly weren’t tired enough to sleep, yet were trying to sleep the whole time.

When they got off the flight, Phil felt gross and tired. _Of course, now’s when I get tired,_ Phil thought bitterly. He wanted nothing more than to go to his hotel, take a shower, and have a nap, but unfortunately, that wasn’t an option. They packed the whole crew right onto a tour bus and shipped them to the venue; apparently, the band needed to do some sort of presswork while the crew set up the stage and did preliminary sound checks. When the band split off, Louise caught Phil’s eyes and smiled and waved a bit before getting on her bus. Phil was surprised. She was being kind to him, even after the whole thing with Dan. He normally would overanalyze the whole interaction but didn’t have the energy to even think about it, merely getting on the tech bus and trying not to fall asleep on his feet.

By the time they got to the booth, it practically felt like a routine. Thankfully, one of the director’s assistants got coffee for everyone, which made him just a little more awake. So, Phil did all of his checks absentmindedly, for it had become second nature. He didn’t feel quite awake, but he was sure that he’d be able to make it until the show. And then beyond that, the audience’s energy would flow through him and he’d be fine. _Still wish I could have a shower, though,_ Phil thought morosely. Phil finished a few minutes early, so he just sat in silence, waiting for soundcheck to start. It was definitely a struggle to stay awake.

Of course, when the time came, Dan was late. And Phil grew more frustrated.

“Tara on headset. I found Daniel. He was in the front with the fans.”

Phil simply gritted his teeth. They had been waiting for 10 minutes; at least Phil didn’t have to go look for him.

“Mate, I think he was serious with his apology,” PJ said, “I know you hate him and all and I get you but give him a break.”

Phil didn’t respond. He just adjusted his headset and went to pre-show. PJ looked at him for a few more seconds before doing the same.

Soundcheck went pretty smoothly in the beginning. All cues were there for the first couple songs, but when it came to Susan, Phil lit her up too early. Probably because he was quite nearly falling asleep at the board.

“Phil. Stop it,” Lizza said, rubbing her hand over her face.

“Huh?” Phil asked. He didn’t even see it, he was too tired.

“Stop. Stop,” Dan, of course, chimed in from the stage.

“Phil, would you be so kind as to turn off the sign please?” Dan asked politely. The fact that his voice was so posh made Phil practically snarl. Only then did he realize that Susan was totally lit up.

“Phil-” Lizza looked over to him.

“Yeah, yeah,” Phil sighed, punching in a few buttons to go back to the previous cue. Susan was then turned off.

“Thank you,” Dan said from the stage, making Phil even angrier. It was like Dan was just pointing out his mistakes, just showing how unprofessional Phil seemingly was.

They continued with soundcheck and Phil let his frustration stew. Pretty soon, it was over and they broke for the company dinner. Lizza practically vanished from the booth, muttering something about Marcy having an issue with some of the wardrobe techs. PJ just looked over to him, getting up to head to the greenroom.

“He apologized, Phil. You need to stop holding this grudge.”

“He's still lying! He feels no remorse,” Phil shook his head, getting up as well, “He’s just tossing every mistake right back at my face.”

“No he’s no-”

“Please, can we just go get some food?” Phil sighed. He really didn’t want to talk about it. It was bad enough that the feud was invading every waking moment of the show. Maybe food would make him feel better. Or at least make him more apt to deal with everything.

“Sure, mate,” PJ nodded, walking alongside Phil towards the green room.

The venue was a lot newer than some of the previous ones, but it was gorgeous all in the same. There were no seats at this venue, just a floor and a stage. That made it a lot easier to get backstage and made their booth even more inconspicuous, which Phil guessed was a plus. As they neared the green room, Phil could smell ramen. _Thank god,_ he thought.

Before he could even make his way over to the table where the large pots of ramen sat, someone spoke up behind him.

“Phil,” the voice said and Phil immediately tensed his shoulders.

“I don’t want to talk to you,” Phil muttered, not even turning around.

“What can I say to make you stop being so cross?” Dan said, coming around to face him, “I’m sorry I acted in such a vain way and I’ve learned my lesson. I’m no longer going to be petty to tech.”

“Your words don’t mean anything,” Phil blew past him and beelined for the drinks counter, where he picked up a random can and opened it. He didn’t even know what it type of soda it was, but he was trying to make himself look busy so then Dan would maybe leave him alone. Dan didn't seem to get the message though. Or he didn't care.

“Then what do you want? I’ve literally tried everything,” Dan sounded so defeated.

“I want you to leave me alone.”

“It’s kind of hard when you keep mucking up the tech rehearsals. I can't trust that when I go on stage, it’s actually going to be run properly.

“So you don’t trust me to do my job?” Phil whipped around, glaring at Dan.

“I didn’t say that-” Dan looked guilty, but Phil was already enraged.

“No but you implied it. You think that I would jeopardize my job and the audience's money just to get back at you?”

“N-”

“I’m certainly not perfect, but at least I’m professional,” Phil looked at Dan, eyeing him up and down with disdain. Dan seemed to get furious at the final comment, stepping closer to Phil and gritting his teeth.

“I built this band from the ground up, jackass. I literally work so hard just to keep it to-"

“If you cared so much about your band, maybe then you’d actually show up on time.

“That doesn’t mean shit,” Dan hissed.

“Yeah it does,” Phil felt his face getting red with rage.

“Oh, so original with your comebacks. And you say you’re so professional,” Dan threw up his hands.

“Well you-”

“Hey,” Lizza yelled, getting in between them, “This is ridiculous. Phil, you’re going back up to the booth and doing your goddamn job. Dan, you are going to stop provoking him and get ready to perform. I can't believe you two would act so childish!”

Dan just rolled his eyes, gritting his teeth. Phil started to try to appease her, but she just glared. She was furious.

“Lester. Go to the booth. I’ll be there in ten and you better be sitting there.”

Phil opened his mouth to speak, but Lizza beat him to it.

“Phil, I’m your goddamn boss. Do as I ask,” she sounded really tired, practically begging Phil to just do as he was told.

So, Phil said nothing else, walking out of the green room. He was still angry though, so his journey up to the booth was more like a stomping ensemble._ I didn’t even get any food,_ Phil grumbled. He looked down at the soda he had randomly picked up.** La Croix.**_ You've got to be kidding me,_ Phil shook his head. He hated sparkling water and La Croix is just fancy sparkling water. Great.  


He sat down in his chair, his mind racing and his stomach grumbling. He was frustrated that he was being sent up to the booth like a toddler. He understood that they needed to stop arguing, but Lizza surely could've dismantled the fight in a way that was more dignified. It was humiliating to be treated like a child. _ Why did I even listen to her?_ But his mind was less focussed on being sent to the booth, focussing more on the squabble before. He was furious at what Dan said. _ He thinks that I am that petty_ Phil thought, _ the nerve. Has he even taken a look at himself?_. With every interaction that they had, the hatred he had for Dan just dug deeper and deeper. Phil was also angry that he didn’t get any food. _Why am I even still doing this job? _he asked himself. He was more than starting to regret leaving his stable community concert job for the flashy, touring company. Sure, he didn’t get to travel and most of the shows were simple, but he didn’t have to deal with all the other bullshit that came with Dan Howell.

A few seconds into what Phil was prepared to be a nice long stew of emotions, he heard a knock on the door---much to his surprise.

“Hey can I come in?”

“Be my guest,” Phil huffed, looking out towards the stage.

“Wow, this is where you get to be every night? That’s amazing,” Louise said, stepping into the booth.

“Yep,” Phil said, trying to act calm even though he was fuming.

“Here, I brought you this. You never got to have any so I figured I would bring you some,” Phil turned around to find that Louise had brought him a bowl, full with what looked like delicious ramen.

“Thank you,” Phil said quietly, accepting the ramen and taking a bite. It was so delicious that he immediately started to feel his anger settle. He even almost smiled. It was good ramen.

"I didn't know if you were vegetarian or not, but I just got the regular one," Louise said, eying him devouring the ramen, "But it looks like nothing I could've said would've swayed you from eating that ramen."

"Maybe if you told me there was hamster meat or something," Phil chuckled at himself, "I used to breed them as a child. Eating their flesh would be a little too personal." 

"Oh. Well, it does have hamster in it. Delicacy here in Japan."

"No-" Phil stopped mid-bite. The taste of ramen started to be less delicious than before.

"Oh I'm just messing with you," Louise chuckled, "Ramen's usually fine. It's Pho you have to watch out for." 

Phil took a sigh of relief. He knew that it would be ridiculous for there to be actual hamster meat in the ramen, but that didn't help quell the inkling of suspicion Louise planted in his head. Even though it was proclaimed 'hamster-less', Phil still slowed down and ate his noodles more cautiously.

“Can I sit here?” Louise gestured to PJ’s seat. Phil nodded. PJ probably wouldn’t be back up in the booth for another half hour.

“Feeling any better?” Louise chuckled, looking at Phil now eating the ramen almost surreptitiously as if hamster was just going to appear in the bowl.

“Much,” Phil nodded, taking another bite.

They sat in silence for a little bit. For some reason, it didn’t feel awkward. Considering they had only properly chatted a few days prior, Phil didn’t expect to feel that comfortable around her. Perhaps it was her mom vibes that were calming Phil’s nerves. Or maybe the fact that the ramen was still so good and that was all he could focus on.

Eventually, Louise took a deep breath and stopped staring at the stage, turning to Phil and lacing her fingers together.

“Hey, so I know I’m Danny’s best friend and all, but I really like you, Phil. You’re a great guy.”

“Thanks,” Phil smiled into another bite of ramen. He winced at Dan’s name, but he was able to let go of it. Probably because of the ramen.

“I just think you and Dan got off on the wrong foot. I love him to death, even if he’s a lot to handle, and I enjoy your company. I think you two would get along great.”

“Sure,” Phil said but didn’t believe it for a second.

“I know it sounds like complete horseshit, but it’s true,” Louise sighed, “Just... please give him a chance? I know you hate him, but he’s not entirely the monster you make him out to be.”

Phil really quickly goes to defend himself, but he remembers. It’s Louise. She genuinely wants what’s best for him and she means it. She brought him up food after he had been sent up to the booth instead of comforting Dan, who she was much closer to. She had been so kind to him and was only asking for him to be open-minded. So, he couldn’t rebuke.

“Fine. I will give him a chance.”

“Thanks, Phil. I really appreciate that,” her smile is so big he knew it was worth it.

“If he screws it up, though, I make no promises.”

“He might. He’s a bit of a mess right now,” she mutters to herself.

Phil looked towards the stage, feeling a little bit better about the prospects of that night. About the whole tour, as well. He felt a little more at ease. Louise made him feel better about the choice he made to tour. He felt better, the bowl of ramen warming his hands and making him feel surer of himself. He was meant to have this job. He was going to be okay.

“You know?”

“What?” Phil looked over to Louise.

“I have a feeling we’re going to be great friends,” she smiled.

“Really?”

“Yeah,” she smiled at him and he couldn’t help but break out into an enormous grin.

“Anyways, I gotta get backstage and get into my show outfit,” she got up from the leather chair, “Don’t eat that too quickly, you’ll get a stomach ache.”

“Okay mum,” Phil rolled his eyes, causing Louise to chuckle.

“Now, don’t kill anyone while I’m gone,” she laughed.

“No promises.”

“Except for the one about Dan, right?” she cocked an eyebrow.

“Yeah, yeah,” Phil shook his head, eating another bite of ramen.

“You’re the best!” Louise grinned, “Alright, I am headed out. See you tonight!”

And with that, she shut the door and Phil was left alone again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey y'all! i hope your week has been good and i hope you enjoyed this chapter. sorry for the late update; i was running errands and i totally spaced it. sorry about that! now, next week i will be going on a day trip on Tuesday with my friend, so i will be posting the chapter on Monday at 1 instead. after that, the update schedule will resume per normal. thank you so much for reading!


	6. Osaka, Japan

Any chance at some sort of treaty is dissolved when Phil reached his hotel the next day.

They had significant downtime between the Tokyo show and the Osaka show, but Phil found himself still in a hotel room, resting._ Maybe I should go out with PJ and Sophie more,_ Phil thought. They had plans for a 'couples tour', which Phil opted out of as soon as they mentioned the couple part. But perhaps he should have gone. PJ posted amazing pictures from each city, so Phil knew that they were probably experiencing the traveling like they were supposed to.

However, Phil just felt tired. He had been to too many airports in a short period and he felt drained. He had never traveled so much in his life and it was damn hard. So, he wasn’t about to voluntarily drag himself into an unknown city when he could just relax.

Hotel rooms had a weird feeling to them. They felt serene. Warm. Inviting. Safe (at least nice ones do). The bed was comfortable and the light from the bedside lamp was adding a warm glow around the room. Light flooded in from the window, but Phil still found himself appreciating the soft lighting. He laid in the bed, the blue light from the phone screen lighting up his features. He was already in his pants, so there was no way in hell he was going out. _View’s alright from here,_ he looked out his window to see the city skyline, which looked stoic against the bright blue sky. 

He was also trying to follow Louise’s wishes, but it was damn hard. Whenever Phil was alone, his thoughts always drifted to Dan. His stupid smile and his annoying mannerisms. Phil was trying hard to remain open-minded, but it was difficult. He caught himself multiple times; it just felt like a cycle he couldn’t escape.

He had tried to entertain himself by watching animal videos, which worked for a while but he eventually grew bored of. He then turned to Twitter: Twitter is easy to get caught up in. However, in his endless Twitter scroll, he found a tweet from someone that he didn’t even follow.

**@danieldreamx:** techies can be so horrid sometimes. we’re literally the ones who give you job. be respectful.

He recognized the username as soon as he saw it. He was certain that the tweet was directed towards him, for Dan didn’t seem to excessively complain of the other staff members. Most people, when having a conflict in their life, vent to a friend. However, instead of just complaining to a friend or talking to Phil or Lizza who could fix the problem, he chose to broadcast his frustrations under a blanket statement. And of course to an audience who had no idea of the context and would most likely back Dan in what he said no matter what. Phil was frustrated---no, infuriated---by the tweet. So much so that he typed out a response without even thinking.

**@amazingphil:** maybe if you weren't so mean techies would be nicer to you

He pressed send without even thinking. He gritted his teeth, tossing his phone to the side. It landed near the edge of the bed with a soft plunk. Why did Dan have to be such a wanker? Phil stared up at the ceiling, trying to calm himself down, but simultaneously just being angry. The calm atmosphere of the room that was pleasant before suddenly felt suffocating. He felt uncomfortable.

Phil wasn’t expecting anything though. He felt as if he was cut off from the world and he just existed in the bubble of the hotel room, separate from the city and the commotion. That was partially the reason he thought so little of his reply; surely his reply didn’t matter in the sea of millions. However, he was torn out of his thoughts a few seconds later when the twitter notification sounded, the phone vibrating the bed slightly. Phil sighed. He wanted to be strong. He wanted to ignore it and calm himself down. Whatever anyone had to say about his tweet, Phil knew it would only be inflammatory. So, he just closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

It took a few seconds for it to start. 

Bzzzzz. Bzzzz. Bzzzz. Bzzzzz.

_Goddamnit,_ Phil thought, groaning as he reached over for his phone. He fumbled around for it, but when he eventually got a hold of it, his phone was going crazy, notifications popping up rapid-fire. _What the…_ Phil thought. He couldn’t even open his twitter; he tapped on the icon several times and yet nothing was happening. In a matter of seconds, his notifications were at the limit: 99+. And then his phone shut off.

“What the fuck,” Phil said.

He tried to swipe it open, but it wasn’t working. He then tried numerous times to turn it on, but nothing seemed to be working._ I guess it needs time_ Phil thought, frustratedly plugging it in on the nightstand. He sat back in his bed, his back against the coolness of the wooden headboard. That’s when everything hit him. Everything happened in a flash and Phil was left behind, trying to piece together what exactly occurred. He felt frozen, his mind running on overdrive to process the events.

Then there was a knocking on the door, which caused Phil to jump. The bubble that Phil’s room had felt like before popped abruptly.

The knock came again.

“Phil, I know you’re in there,” he heard a muffled voice. He swore it was Louise. 

“I need to talk to you.”

Phil waited a few seconds, sat in his bed in his pants. He felt as if his brain was in shock. So much was happening all at once. One second he was just scrolling on his phone and the next second everything seemed to blow up in his face.

“If you don’t open the door, I’m going to call the front desk to give me a key,” Louise said.

“Alright alright,” Phil finally got up as if he was on autopilot. He didn’t even bother to try to find a pair of jeans or a shirt he was so shaken up.

When he opened the door, Louise marched right in without a problem.

“What the hell, Phil?” she said.

“What?” Phil said, closing the door "I wasn't expecting you."

"Why does that matter?" Louise looked angry, yet confused.

"Oh," Phil said, "I thought you were mad about my...pants."

Louise looked astonished.

"You think I actually give a fuck? I see Dan in much less every goddamn day. I am a grown woman," she rolled her eyes. Phil blushed at her comment. Especially the part about “Dan in much less”. Although he would never admit it to himself.

“I'm cross because I told you to give him a chance!” she gave him that all-knowing look. His brain was instantly back in the situation. Sort of.

“What are you on about?” he still felt as if his brain was operating at ½ speed.

“His tweet, Phil,” Louise sighed.

“He started it!”

“You’re the one who responded. You totally egged him on.”

“I felt attacked, Louise.”

“That’s valid,” Louise said, nodding her head, “but that doesn’t mean you need to bring it to the public stage. A lot of people follow Dan.”

“I know.”

“He has a massive audience-”

“I know,” Phil started to walk towards the bed, arms crossed.

“-that is willing to resort to murder just to eve-”

“I know, I know,” Phil said exasperatedly, flopping down onto the bed. He rubbed his eyes tiredly. He forgot, amidst all of this drama, that he was exhausted. The day had been so incredibly tiresome.

Louise remained quiet for a minute. She sat on the other side of the bed, smoothing her pretty dress as she sat facing him. He became acutely aware that he was just in his underwear---they were covered in Bulbasaur, to be precise---but he couldn’t bring himself to care. His head felt like a mess with all of the new information. He was confusing himself just trying to sort through it.

“It was stupid.”

“Yeah,” Phil sighed.

They were both quiet for a moment. Louise was looking out the window at the sunlit city, seemingly contemplating something. Phil looked at the ceiling. He stared at the sprinkler above the bed. He willed the stupid thing to magically grow a set of arms to take him away or maybe a gigantic mouth and just eat him alive. Then his face grew into a grimace; his brain was often a strange place.

“How did you get my room number,” he sighed.

“Everyone in the cast and crew gets everyone’s room number, in case anyone's missing or anyone needs anything. You don’t read the emails?” she looked at him incredulously.

“No,” Phil shook his head.

“A shame, really. They’re quite useful,” she shrugged, looking back to the window.

“How did you even know I’d be in here,” Phil sat up.

“I was just hoping,” Louise shrugged, “I tried to call you at first, but you wouldn’t pick up.”

“My phone broke,” Phil grumbled, rolling his eyes, “All of my notifications were just blowing up. It felt apocalyptic.”

“Awe babe, I forgot you don’t deal with this shit every day,” Louise cooed, “How does it feel that you got your first glance at stardom?”

“Shut up,” Phil muttered.

“Did you get to read any of the responses? Before your phone crashed?”

“No.”

“Oh,” Louise started fumbling around in her pockets, “Then here.”

She handed out her phone to Phil.

“What?”

“You should at least look at what people are saying,” Louise nudged her phone into his hands.

“Why?”

“You just deserve to see it,” she said.

“Okay,” Phil nodded, “It’s locked.”

“Here,” she placed her thumb over the button and unlocked her phone.

“You realize that I could do anything on here, right?” Phil asked, raising an eyebrow.

“And what about it.”

“I could...hack into your life,” Phil tried to be intimidating, raising his eyebrows and glancing at her. Louise snorted at him. He laughed too, his tongue poking out cheekily.

“I’m trusting you,” Louise chuckled, “Don’t fuck it up.”

“Alright,” Phil nodded, finding her twitter app and opening it. He didn't even need to search for it. The first thing he saw on her timeline was Dan’s tweet, followed by his own, followed by a Dan response that he hadn’t seen.

**@danieldreamx:** ty for the tip bb😘

Phil immediately frowned, feeling his shoulders tense up. Of course, Dan had to be condescending and sarcastic. Phil’s temper grew just by the emoji tacked onto the end. It was almost as if it was mocking him. There was a “see responses” button and, of course, he clicked into it.

The thread that Phil had started had thousands of replies, which was mind-blowing. He started reading through them.

**@danniefannie: @danieldreamx** dont listen to **@amazingphil** hes probably a sad loser

**@dreamxdan:** who the fuck is **@amazingphil?**

They started to get stranger as Phil continued to scroll.

**@dans_rug:** OH MY GOD “BB” WTF NEW BF?!?!?!?!?!? 

**@eyelash_dreamx: @amazingphil** ur ugly and u habe no lyfe. leave dan alpne fucker.

**@loudanfan2022:** who does** @amazingphil **think he is? that asshole can't say shit to our precious baby.

**@kyliedreamx:** BB!?! sdfghjkhgfdsdfghjkhgfd

**@susanlover01: **OH MY GOD! DAN HAS A MAN CONFIRMED

**@psychothoughtsx:** how does it feel to be an asshole, you ugly fuckface. **@danieldreamx** is precious, you cunt.

Phil’s face was scrunched up in a deep frown. He could feel Louise’s worried eyes on him, but he couldn’t bring himself to stop and talk to her. The endless comments, each more confusing than the last, were sucking him in. His mind felt like it was getting cloudy, but he continued to read and read.

Suddenly, the screen went black. Phil thought for an instant he had broken the phone again, but he saw a call pop up. It said 'hubby'. He didn’t know Louise was married.

“Hey, your husband is calling you?” Phil said. It felt strange to say.

“Oh shit, I have to take this,” Louise snatched the phone from him, pressing the call button and putting the phone up to her ear.

“Hey honey,” she smiled.

Phil felt a little awkward, for he was just listening in on one side of the conversation. Also, it was her husband. The conversation was probably personal, so it was none of his business. He looked out the window at the beautiful city. Maybe if he decided to explore, he wouldn’t have gotten into this mess. _Yeah, you should’ve gone as a single to the couple tour, sure Phil,_ Phil thought darkly.

“Can you get the girls? I haven’t heard their voices in far too long,” she smiled. She then turned to Phil.

“I’m sorry. I totally forgot I get a call from my family at the same time every day. This drama just made me lose track of time,” she said quickly, holding the phone to her collarbone.

“Makes sense.”

“I need to go, but please be civil tonight,” she stood up from the bed, “I know that you want to punch the living daylights out of Dan, but just try to ignore him, okay?”

“No promises,” Phil muttered.

“Thank you,” Louise kissed his head and raced out the door, shutting it curtly behind her. 

\---

He hadn’t been able to boot up his phone for another 20 minutes. He finally, after working on it for a while, managed to get the screen to light up and the system to start working again. Once it was fully on, he immediately went to settings and shut off notifications from the app. Thankfully, it didn’t shut off again. And he had no notifications from Twitter. Everything would go back to normal.

Except it wasn’t.

Phil immediately opened Twitter, fixing it so that there would be no notifications except people he followed. For some reason, he seemed to have gained a few hundred followers, despite not tweeting anything since. All of the accounts seemed to have ‘dan’ or ‘dreamx’ somewhere in the name, so he assumed they came from the whole reply ordeal._ Weird,_ Phil thought. He then looked at the thread, scrolling endlessly through the replies Dan’s fans had sent in. Some were mentioning Phil as a boyfriend, which Phil rolled his eyes at, but a lot of them were quite rude. People were telling him off and calling him all sorts of garbage; he felt an innate sense to go after them and reply, but he knew that wouldn’t amount to anything good. So he just sat like that, scrolling through the replies and seething in his underwear on a sunny Osaka afternoon.

He eventually had to make his way to the venue. He got dressed in his stage blacks and took a bus from the hotel. He continued to read comment after comment; he was caught sinking deeper and deeper into the abyss of replies. He was glued to his phone. Even when he walked the block to the venue, he was staring at his phone. His temper had been rising the whole way there, with each reply he read. Phil put away his phone briefly to find the booth within the venue, but it felt like it was burning in his back pocket. 

It changed his whole demeanor because when Phil sat in the booth at the venue, PJ immediately piped up.

“Mate, what’s wrong?”

“Dan,” Phil muttered, starting to try boot up the board. It was already on; PJ must have done that. Considerate of him.

“Yeah?”

“We got in a bit of a fight on Twitter and now his fans won't leave me alone,” Phil grumbled, opening the cues on his laptop.

“Another fight? You need to get over that,” PJ sighed, “It was justified at first, but now it just seems like you want to fight just to fight. Have you tried actually talking to him? Face to face?”

“No,” Phil shook his head, “I don’t want to! He’s the one who keeps crossing the line.”

“Who’s crossing the line?” Lizza walks into the booth, laptop in one hand and boba tea in the other. She plopped down in the chair between them, setting down her drink and opening her laptop.

“Dan,” Phil ran his hands over his face, “He’s being unprofessional.”

“Are you talking about that tweet?” Lizza said coldly, “because I didn’t appreciate the tech hate.”

“I know right? It was rude,” Phil shook his head, “Could you...say something about it?”

“What do you mean,” Lizza gave him an incredulous look.

“Like, proper call him out. Maybe take the mic during tech and just…”

“Hold on. You want me to tell Dan that he shouldn’t pick twitter fights with you?”

“Yes?” Phil said, albeit rather quietly for he already knew this was the wrong answer.

“No. My job is not to be behavior management for my lead singer and my lighting op. I will admit, Dan’s tweet was out of line, but you didn’t need to jump on him like that.”

“But-”

“Phil, act like a fucking adult. This feud is ridiculous. You need to have a conversation with him.”

“B-”

“No excuses. Have a conversation with him,” Her eyes narrowed, her tone cold. She was not budging on this issue.

“Okay fine I’ll talk to him. Geez,” Phil threw up his hands in defense.

“You better,” Lizza muttered, putting on her headset.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello! apologies for not getting this chapter up in time; i was running errands with my grandmother and it took forever. hope you enjoyed, though! next chapter will be up next Tuesday at 1. thank you so much for reading :)


	7. Manila, Philippines

Of course, Phil didn’t talk to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow, there's another chapter:) this was probably the hardest one yet(hehe). it was a little short, but i hope that y'all don't mind haha:)
> 
> sorry about the lateness. my grandma was adopting a cat and i had to help her.
> 
> see you next Tuesday sometime (bc i never upload at 1, let's be real) teehee


	8. Taipei, Taiwan

Phil didn’t talk to him for 3 more shows. Phil avoided the greenroom and Dan said nothing at the tech run-throughs. They were both silent, but you could feel the tension running through the venues. Phil was more bitter and reserved than usual and Dan was more snappy during tech. They both were avoiding each other like the plague. You might think that that would solve the case of the feud, but it seemed to make matters worse. Phil would mutter under his breath during the shows, just abhorring the sight of Dan. Phil felt tense whenever he was in the theater. It felt like with each show, the situation grew more and more rotten. Eventually, the tension broke.

It was after tech in Taipei when it happened. Phil had finished his various checks and now he and PJ were just waiting an hour until the doors opened. Preshow check had become routine and rhythmic, therapeutic even, but also sort of nerve-wracking. Yes, the cues had become something both of them could do on autopilot. He didn’t even have to look at the stage except if he was manning follow spots. However, Phil felt vigilant. He tried to avoid looking at Dan, even though half of his cues had to do with the man, constantly nervous that Dan would say something or that Lizza would find out that he didn’t ever end up communicating. However, when tech ended, he felt the weight of those anxieties lift off of him. In the downtime, PJ, Phil, and Sophie (who was there with PJ that day) fell into easy conversation. They were all talking about the new Marvel movie; Phil had liked it and Sophie thought it was predictable, yet also charming. Halfway through PJ ranting about some fan theory, Phil heard Lizza’s voice in his headset.

“Phil we need you backstage. One of the lamps burned out in one of the fixtures.”

“What the hell? We only have LEDs. That shouldn’t be happening,” Phil muttered, looking to PJ with questioning eyes. The LEDs were supposed to last for far more hours than the entire tour, so it didn't make any sense that one would be burnt out. _ Maybe the cord is acting up or something._

“I'd check it out,” PJ said, nodding, “They don't know what they're doing.”

“Can't they figure it out?” Phil said, “Maybe I can give them instru-”

“Come on. You're the expert,” PJ seemed insistent, nodding towards the door, “They need your expertise.”

“Please Phil,” Lizza was back on the headset. She sounded nervous. Phil felt a pang of pity for her; she had enough to deal with without this light stuff. The least he could do is help.

“I guess,” Phil said, rolling his eyes at PJ’s urging look.

“I’ll be right down. Phil off headset,” he said, which received a quick ‘thanks’ from Lizza.

Phil took off his headset and headed down to the stage. PJ smirked after him, he and Sophie weirdly watching as Phil walked off. _Jerk,_ he thought. He shouldn’t be so smug just because he has sound techs on stage. It wasn't Phil's fault that he was the only one with significant lighting expertise.

Once he reached the stage, Lizza grabbed him and started pulling him along, catching him by surprise.

“Come on it’s back here. I’m freaking out,” she said. Phil immediately felt sorry for trivializing the situation. She seemed frazzled and she had a lot to deal with already. He could help her fix whatever it was. Even though it probably wasn’t a burnt-out lamp.

“Which fixture is it?” he said calmly, hoping that might soothe her.

“I don’t know, that’s why I’m asking you,” She lead him through backstage. He didn’t know why it would be backstage, but maybe the crew had pulled it down and started tinkering with it. Which probably wasn’t the best idea.

Suddenly, Lizza was shoving him. Into a doorway.

“What are you doing?” he retorted, trying to push her back instinctually.

“Wait, why the hell are you here?” Phil immediately recognized the voice. He felt his skin start to crawl and felt his anger rising. He clenched his jaw.

“I don’t know, Lizza,” He looked to her pointedly, standing out the doorway. However, she just stepped to the side. Standing behind her was Tim. Tim who hadn’t said one word. Tim, who instead of having his usual neutral glance, was glaring at Phil. Phil, at that moment, felt far more intimidated than he had before.

“The whole cast and crew agree that you two’s feud has been disrupting the show and our music,” Tim had a surprisingly deep voice, staring them both down with a cool gaze, “Frankly, it’s childish and you both need to get over it. We’re giving you 15 minutes in here. Work it out.”

With that, Tim smoothly shut the door. Phil heard the familiar sound of a key turning the lock and the sound of footsteps fading. Phil made a vain attempt to turn the doorknob, but of course, it wouldn’t budge. He sighed.

“They aren’t joking, are they?”

“Nope,” Lizza said from the other side of the door.

“Come on, this is ridiculous!” Phil said, trying the door again. Nothing changed.

“You had your chance, Lester,” Lizza sighed.

“Let him out, I have a shit to do,” Dan said, continuing to apply makeup in the mirror. He looked annoyed.

“Not a chance. You two have to make up. I’m leaving now, so start apologizing,” Lizza said, and with that walked away, the sound of her footsteps growing softer and softer.

“Well this is fucking great,” Dan said, causing Phil to look over his direction. Dan was sitting shirtless and in his pants, makeup brush in hand and frowning at his reflection in the mirror, catching Phil by surprise. His outfit--or lack thereof--really left nothing to the imagination. Phil’s eyes were sliding over every part of Dan. His soft stomach, his long legs, his bit of chest hair, his fucking collarbones. It didn’t feel like he was even looking at the same person. Phil just ogled wildly, the thoughts of how awful Dan was completely flying out the window. The few seconds of silence felt both like a second and eternity. It was only when Dan said something that Phil finally snapped out of his trance.

“Could you stop staring at me so that I can at least get dressed?”

“Sorry,” Phil muttered, turning his back to Dan quickly. He felt his cheeks start to flush. There was a quiet rustling behind him, which he knew was Dan moving about. Phil kept his eyes glued to the cream-colored wall ahead of him. He felt strange. When he usually felt frustrated in the presence of Dan, the atmosphere in the dressing room was completely different. The room was warm, the scent of cologne infused in the air. The room was lit by the warm light coming from the mirror. Phil felt almost as if he was in another world, somewhere that wasn’t as harsh and cruel as reality. The room had almost a fictional softness to it. It felt more vulnerable, more real. Intimate. Phil, instead of being irked per usual, felt ever the more aware of himself and the fact that Dan was right behind him.

Phil felt a tap on his shoulder and he turned around, finding Dan. Dan wore a sickening pair of heels and a floral robe and now was substantially taller than Phil. Unfortunately, the robe still revealed a lot of his torso, which was right in Phil’s line of vision.

They stared. The silence marched on as if it were a competition for who was weaker and would speak first. The soft atmosphere in the room was darkening by the minute. Phil looked Dan directly in the eye, feeling his anger slowly returning to him. This was the man that threw fits about his lights. This was the man that ruined his twitter. This was the man that thought that Phil couldn’t do his fucking job.

"Go on. Say it," Dan narrowed his eyes.

"What?" Phil narrowed his eyes as well.

"Your apology."

"What, no!" Phil said incredulously, "You're the one who should be apologizing."

“For what? Telling you how I want my show lit?” Dan stepped towards him, causing Phil to step back as well. His back hit the wall.

“For complaining about it like a child-”

“Hold on, we are not doing this again,” Dan said, breaking the eye contact.

Phil was shocked by this. He felt interrupted; he had this momentum that was building up and was suddenly halted. He was so ready to argue and shout in Dan’s face, but now he had nowhere to go with it. However, he felt his anger diminishing. Phil was surprised: Dan didn’t seem like the type to de-escalate things---he seemed too hot-headed--- but there he was.

“We aren’t going to get through this and you will never get out of my dressing room if we continue to fight,” Dan said slowly as if he was trying to contain his frustration. He backed up a bit, giving Phil more space. Dan sighed, running his hand through his hair. Phil fully leaned on the wall, crossing his arms and just shrugged.

“Alright, we both fucked up and continue to fuck up,” Dan stared cautiously at Phil as if he was walking on eggshells.

“But-” Phil tried to rebuke Dan’s comment, but Dan was quick to cut him off.

“Don’t try to justify it because then we’ll just fight again,” Dan held up his finger at Phil, closing his eyes as if to calm himself.

“Alright,” Phil sighed, leaning fully against the wall “Look, I’m sorry for being petty and insulting you. I wasn’t trying to ruin your show, I just was new.”

“Thank you,” Dan sighed, looking down at his hands, “And I’m sorry for not talking to you like an adult and only apologizing because I find you fit.”

That comment made Phil’s blush return. Maybe it was just the room, but the comment felt a lot more real than it had the first time.

“I also apologize for subtweeting you. That wasn’t cool of me.”

“Thank you,” Phil said, “Truce?”

“Truce,” Dan nodded.

“Great.”

Phil suddenly felt exhausted. He hadn’t realized how much all that anger and frustration was taking out on him, but he felt the urge to sit down. So, unceremoniously, he slid along the wall, falling slowly until he met the floor. Or what he thought was the floor.

“Phil.”

“What.”

“You’re crushing my makeup box,” Dan’s face looked serious, but on the verge of smiling.

Phil fell out of whatever tired haze he had before, immediately reverting to panic mode.

“OH NO!” Phil immediately scampered off of it, trying to look to see the damage he had done. The box was open and fully laid out so that all the brushes and various powders and creams were exposed. _Shit, shit, shit, _Phil thought, inspecting the situation. He didn’t know what they were supposed to look like---he didn’t know shit about makeup---so he didn’t know the extent of the damage he had done.

Dan started cackling. Phil didn’t realize how loud of a laugher he had, but it was filling the room with its boisterous noise.

“Phil, you literally just destroyed the show with your ass.”

“I’m sorry,” Phil couldn’t help but laugh too.

“It’s alright, I drop it all the time,” Dan said, “I have butterfingers.”

“Butterfingers?”

“Yes, you dork,” Dan was still chuckling, “I drop everything.”

“It’s alright,” Phil said, sitting next to the makeup box, “I mean, I’m clumsy.”

“Clearly,” Dan laughed, nodding towards the makeup box.

“Shut up,” Phil chuckled, his face flushed in embarrassment.

The laughter died out into a soft silence for a few seconds, the energy in the room calming to the soft tones that had existed before. Phil felt tired, but the kind of content tired where everything just seems easy and happy. He was seated on the floor, his head resting against the wall. What he wouldn’t give for a nap or something. He zoned out a bit, caught up in his imagination for a few moments.

“Why do I feel like that was really anticlimactic?” Dan suddenly piped up.

“Because it was,” Phil chuckled, staring at the ground tiredly.

“I can’t believe it’s over. I didn’t realize how much of my mind it was taking up.”

“You were thinking about it?”

“Yeah? Why do you sound surprised?”

“I just figured…” Phil trailed off. He didn't know how to articulate the rest of the thought, so he just paused.

“What? Please continue?” Dan cocked his head.

“I mean, you’re famous. I just thought you would have more things to think about.”

“A feud at my place of work is pretty major, Phil,” Dan shook his head, “Besides, I’m a human being. Don’t idolize me like that.”

“Sorry.”

“It’s alright. I’m used to it,” Dan sighed, “No one besides the band members treats me like a human being anymore. I mean, people think just because I produce and release music and have a tour that I am suddenly magic and holier than they are. I don’t know why I’m telling you this. But it’s really fucking annoying because sometimes all I wanted to do is play video games and have no one recognize my username. Like, I was playing a game the other day and literally a twelve-year-old on a fucking dragon came up and said ‘are you danieldreamx’.”

“Literally?” Phil looked up at Dan, who was pacing slightly.

“Well, no. Not a literal kid on a dragon. But it made me exit the game and stare at the wall for a bit,” Dan smiled faintly.

“I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s fine. I have no idea why I just told you that,” Dan rubbed his hands over his eyes, “We were fighting, what, a minute ago?”

“I don’t know. I don’t mind,” Phil shrugged.

“I just don’t know why I did that.”

“Maybe you need someone who will listen?” Phil offered, looking up at Dan pacing.

“Maybe I just waffle on if people let me,” Dan chuckled.

“Waffle?”

“Don’t ask,” Dan sighed, “Look, I’m sorry for the way I treated you.”

“It’s alright, we’ve been over this.”

“Yeah, but I feel guilty now,” Dan sighed, pacing in the other direction.

“It’d probably be best if we moved past it, yeah?” Phil sighed.

“Yeah,” Dan stopped and smirked at Phil, “Long day?”

“Long month,” Phil grumbled, “I didn’t know that this took so much energy.”

“Me neither,” Dan nodded, “Do you need a hand?”

Phil sighed, “Yeah.”

Dan held out his hand and Phil took it. Dan gently lifted Phil, helping him to his feet. Dan’s hand was soft and large and it felt nice to have Dan's hand in his. Phil, of course, pushed that thought away as soon as it arrived. When Phil finally got to his feet, he was closer than expected to Dan. Neither one of them made any effort to widen that space. Phil hadn’t moved his hand from Dan’s, but Dan wasn’t making any move to retract his hand either. Both were looking at each other in the eye. It was a weird charged moment, but it was gone in an instant.

"I don’t hear screaming and yelling. Are you two done in there?" Lizza asked, causing them both to jump away from each other. It was as if they had been caught in the middle of something. Even though nothing had happened.

"I dunno. I think so, yeah?” Dan looked over to Phil, who nodded. They had resolved the problem, though he felt a strange urge not to leave the room. It didn't make any sense, but that urge was there.

The door clicked and soon enough, the door opened.

“Thank god you two worked it out,” Lizza sighed, “Okay now you both can get back to work.”

And with that, she was running off to do some other task required of her, which left Dan and Phil by themselves again. Phil looked at the now open door, staring at the open hallway. He could just walk out, but he felt no desire to. How strange.

“Alright, go on. You probably have important lighting work to do,” Dan said, returning to his seat in front of the makeup mirror.

Phil thought back to Sophie and PJ. Normally around that time, they would still just be sitting around chatting.

“Yeah, real pressing work.”

Dan just smiled at him but didn’t say anything. He was using a little brush to apply what looked like soft pink powder to his eyelids (Phil knew absolutely nothing about makeup). It was calming to watch, for Dan was taking his time to spread the makeup over his eyelid. It was a peaceful moment. Phil knew he should’ve just exited at that point, but he didn’t want to, for some reason. However, conventional courtesy won over whatever thought was keeping him there.

It felt strange to go without saying anything. So, Phil cleared his throat and piped up before leaving.

“Um, see you around?”

Dan looked at Phil and snorted.

“Sure, see you around,” he laughed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay okay okay so i tried to troll you guys with the whole one-sentence chapter thing because i thought it was funny, but i couldn't hold it together. i guess i'm just not cut out to be a prankster lol. so here you go! i hope you enjoy this chapter! it was one of my favorite ones to write, honestly. what do you think? let me know down in the comments.
> 
> alright now for real, i will post next tuesday with another legit chapter. see y'all next week!


	9. Singapore, Singapore

Phil couldn’t sleep.

They had already finished the show for the night. Everything worked like clockwork. The crowd was the craziest they had yet; before the tour, Phil figured the countries where English isn't the primary language would not be as excited but the show that night proved his previous assumption wrong. The crowd's energy was incredible, so much so that it felt as if it was reverberating off the walls of the venue. They were boisterous, erupting in cheers and singing along to every song. All of that energy seemed to go into Phil’s lighting performance, making him perform better and be more on time with his cues than he ever had been before. After the show, he, Lizza, and PJ had all been ecstatic. They all knew it was a fantastic show. However, everyone was exhausted, so naturally, no one wanted to go celebrate with drinks. They all just piled into a company bus and headed to the hotel.

Phil had been laying in bed for about an hour. That night, the whole company had booked a nice hotel, a huge skyscraper in the middle of the city. The bed was like heaven, but for some reason, he couldn’t bring himself to fall asleep. His ears were still ringing from the loud noise of the venue. His mind was still whirring with all of the lighting cues. He was wound up, to say the least. He stared out the window at the twinkling cityscape, willing sleep to wash over him at some point. However, his mind kept wandering back to what had happened in that dressing room in Taipei: the warm atmosphere of the room, the gentle conversation that he and Dan had, and the side of Dan’s personality he had never seen before. Also, how fit Dan was. Thoughts that, of course, Phil dismissed the moment it appeared. Those thoughts were persistent, though, and kept reappearing every few minutes. He'd be trying to calm his thoughts and he'd be reminded of the calm atmosphere of the dressing room and then their conversation and then the way that Dan's hand felt in his. And then Phil would snap himself out of it and a few minutes later, it would happen again. Cyclic in nature.

It got so out of control that, laying there, Phil felt more awake than he had upon arriving at the hotel. He sighed. Trying to fake like he was going to sleep wouldn’t work.

“What the hell,” Phil said.

So, he got back into the clothes that he wore that day on the plane: black skinny jeans and a faded “Friends” tee. His hair was a bit disheveled, but he figured it didn’t matter. He didn’t even bother to put in his contacts, opting for his glasses instead. And with that, he grabbed his key card and his phone and headed out of the hotel room.

The hotel lounge was luxurious, to say the least. It was near the top of the skyscraper, which meant the view was spectacular. An entire wall of the bar was covered in windows, showing the glittering city beyond. The lighting was low and romantic, hues of brown and black mixing harmoniously throughout the room. There were a few businessmen at the bar, talking quietly in Mandrin. The place felt far more expensive than Phil’s slouchy outfit, but it was 2 AM and he was sure no one there would judge him too harshly. He was also sure he could find some drink that was inexpensive enough.

“Phil?”

Phil looked around, confused when someone said his name. He looked around and within a few seconds, he found the source. Sure enough, Dan Howell himself was sat at a table, nursing a drink. In a sweater that looked like a potato sack. _ Luck of the devil. _

“Oh. Hi,” Phil gave a half-smile.

He felt awkward. He was not expecting to see Dan there. A million questions started to dance across his brain. Where did their confrontation leave them? Were they acquaintances now? Was this conversation supposed to continue? Was Phil supposed to just walk away as if they barely knew each other? He had no clue.

“Here,” Dan gestured to the chair beside him before Phil got too lost in his thoughts, “The view is really pretty from here.”

Phil looked at the chair for a second before walking over and sitting down trepidatiously.

“S-what are you doing here?” Dan asked. He sounded rather tipsy, which probably was a good sign for Phil. Most people are in a good mood when they are tipsy; Dan seemed no different.

“Can’t sleep,” Phil stared down at the table.

“Me neither,” Dan swirled around his drink, “Wish I could.”

“Me too.”

There was a brief silence. Phil practically heard his mind whirring with questions about what was happening. Nothing bad had happened, yet Phil felt uneasy. The whole interaction was already feeling so foreign that he couldn’t help but feel confused. Also, Dan’s collarbone was showing prominently and he couldn’t stop looking at it. Unlike Phil, Dan looked strangely at ease, staring out at the city below with a certain peacefulness.

“Are we alright?” Dan asked.

“Yeah. I think,” Phil shrugged.

“Okay good,” Dan sighed, “I just wanted to make sure. Because we kind of left off in a weird space.”

“Yeah?” Phil raised an eyebrow.

“Yeah. It was like you were going to kiss me or something before Lizza opened the door,” Dan snorted, causing Phil’s his cheeks to flush. He avoided eye contact, staring out at the window. He had no clue what to say. How could he even respond to that?

“Uh-”

“Sorry, I forgot to ask, did you want something to drink?” Dan switched topics so fast it almost gave Phil whiplash. Dan seemed unaffected though. And Phil was glad for the subject change. Ordering a drink at the bar would give him a little bit of time to think, offer a chance to sort out his thoughts. That would probably help the interaction not develop into a trainwreck.

“Yeah, I’ll go get something,” Phil started to get up, but Dan took his arm and tugged him back down.

“My treat. What do you want?” Dan asked, looking at Phil directly in the eye.

“Uh…” All standard drink names--helpfully--vacated from Phil’s brain. What did he like to drink? What even was alcoholic?

“Here’s a menu, you dork,” Dan chuckled, handing Phil a menu. Why was he failing this interaction? It just seemed like he couldn’t get a grip on anything.

He took a look over the menu. Thankfully, the bar seemed to have the impression that a good portion of their patrons spoke English, so they had English translations under the Mandrin. Also, they had the price in the Singapore Dollar, the American Dollar, and pounds. His heart dropped once he read the prices; they were ludicrous. Something as simple as a lager was over twenty pounds.

“Are you sure you want to pay for me?” Phil asked.

“Phil,” Dan set down his drink, looking Phil dead in the eye with a bit of a smirk on his face, “Not to sound like a major twat, but I am a famous musician. I can afford one overpriced drink.”

“Alright,” Phil looked back down to the menu, “Maybe the ‘City by Night’?” That one sounded interesting enough.

“Got it. I’ll be back in a minute,” Dan patted Phil twice on the shoulder before getting up to go to the bar and order.

Phil felt strange as he looked out the window at the beautiful, twinkling city below. He still felt where Dan’s had been on his shoulder, small tingling energy taking over the area. His brain was caught up in those sparkling brown eyes and Dan’s lofty laugh. _ I’m too sober for this, _Phil thought.

Before Phil could even think about how to approach the interaction, Dan was walking back.

“Alright, I’m back. Did you miss me?” Dan laughed, taking another sip of his drink. Phil looked over at him and noticed that he wasn’t wearing any makeup. The usual bold lines of contour and eyeliner were vacant, leaving Dan’s face looking extremely soft. He looked different, a warmer version of what existed before. He still looked gorgeous, though. _ Get a grip, Phil, _Phil thought bitterly, looking back at the window.

“-I ordered myself a drink too, if you felt bad about it at all,” Dan continued.

“Alright, that’s f-”

“What do you like to do?” Dan switched gears frighteningly fast. He looked Phil right in the eye. Phil felt his stomach get kind of tingly.

“Wai...what do you mean?”

“Like, besides lighting,” Dan didn't take his eyes away from Phil’s, “I literally know nothing about you.”

“Oh,” Phil felt his brain shutting off again, “Well, I play video ga-”

“Which ones?” Dan cut him off, leaning his cheek onto his palm and staring at Phil. _ Wow, someone’s eager to get to know me, _Phil thought nervously.

“I don’t know...I play far too much Mario Kart for any healthy person. PJ and I will sometimes play it while waiting for the show to start.”

“It’s such a good game,” Dan started to talk, “I’m really good at it too. I usually play online and absolutely destroy all the online players. It’s weird because I’m so bad at sports but I’m good at Mario Kart. Though I guess it’s not really a- oh sorry, I just took a tangent,” Dan shook his head, “Do you play any other video games.”

“Erm…” Phil felt weird. He was more than happy to listen. He would prefer to listen so that he didn't say anything stupid and make a fool out of himself. He wasn’t usually the one to talk in social situations, but Dan was being insistent.

“I can’t think of anything else right now. But I play a lot of video games.”

“Same,” Dan nodded, “Do you play Guild Wars 2 at all?”

“Sometimes?” Phil scratched the back of his neck, “I don’t know.”

“What music do you listen to?” Dan was suddenly on a different topic. _ Alright then,_ Phil thought. It took him a few seconds to try to think of music since he was just trying to think of any video game he had ever played.However, an idea for a joke suddenly popped into Phil’s brain and he couldn’t help but say it.

“I am listening to a lot of the dreamx right now,” Phil said, his face immediately scrunching up into a smile.

“You…” Dan shook his head, “cheeky shit.”

Phil just giggled.

“How could I not see that coming?” Dan laughed.

“Because I’m just that good,” Phil was still chuckling. Dan’s eyes were sparkling, his face scrunched up into an incredibly wide smile.

“Yeah. Let yourself think that,” Dan shook his head.

“Oh I will,” Phil nodded, already regretting his reply.

“Alright,” Dan said, “No, but seriously, what do you like to listen to?”

“Um. I dunno. I am listening to a lot of instrumental stuff right now. I love movie soundtracks too.”

“That’s really cool,” Dan nodded, “The label is getting mad that I haven’t been writing new music.”

_ That was a quick change of pace. _Phil was happy that the topic had changed from questions about himself, though.

“I’m sorry about that,” Phil said.

“It’s totally my fault though,” Dan sighed, just as the waiter brought over the drinks. Phil’s looked so much more extravagant than Dan’s, which was almost comical. They both thanked the waiter once he set down the drinks. Phil was more than happy to have a little liquid confidence to help him through the interaction.

“Like, I haven’t written anything new in a year and once I’m done with the tour, we have to work on putting the album together. I’ll have to write like crazy when I get back,” Dan shook his head, taking the last swig of his old drink before sliding it across the table.

“Why don’t your bandmates help write songs?”

“Them? They’re complete rubbish. One thing we agreed upon when we got together is that I would write the lyrics,” Dan stared down at his drink.

“That sucks.”

“Love them to bits but they cannot write lyrics for shit,” Dan took another sip, “Maybe it’s just because I’m too much of a perfectionist.”

“Yeah?” Phil asked.

“Yeah. I’m really certain about how I want things done and how I want things to turn out. I reckon that’s the real reason I was so horrid to you about the lighting. I just wanted things to be perfect,” Dan looked out into the night sky that shined beyond the window.

“That makes sense,” Phil nodded, “Maybe if you had led with that, we wouldn’t have had this whole fight.”

“You reckon?” Dan looked over to Phil, with a raised eyebrow.

“Probably?”

“Yeah you’re probably right,” Dan nodded, taking another drink, “Anyway, it’s so irritating because that means that all of my lyric writing has to be at a pretty high standard. My perfectionism. I should be having so much inspiration. It seems that with this world tour and everything that I should be able to come up with something, but I literally have zero inspiration. I just feel kind of stuck in a rut.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, hopefully, it will get better,” Phil said, “If it makes you feel any better, most everyone I know feels stuck in a rut in some kind of way.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, I mean that no one really gets what they want. I got a degree in light engineering to do lighting for theatre productions and I am doing a music tour. No offense.”

“None taken,” Dan said, “What kind of show would you want to work on?”

“A comedy. I like making people laugh because it makes people happy,” Phil shrugged, using his straw to stir around his melting drink. He always felt a little wistful when talking about comical theatre.

“Sounds lovely,” Dan sighed, “but here you are, doing a music tour.”

“Yep.”

“I guess we’re both stuck then.”

“I guess.” Phil chuckled.

“Stuck with you,” Dan smirked, his face turning into a shit-eating grin. He looked so pretty when he smiled. Phil made himself take a sip of his drink for just thinking about it.

“Oh shush,” Phil rolled his eyes, “I can leave if you really feel stuck with me.”

“Please don’t,” Dan took a swig of his drink, “I quite enjoy having you here.”

“Really?” Phil felt a little funny feeling in his stomach at the sound of that. It’d be one thing if Dan was just looking for company and Phil was a good source out of convenience. But, Dan made it sound like he was enjoying their interaction. Strange. Especially because just a bit ago, they had been at each other's throats.

“Yeah. Which is quite weird. We’ve gone from hating each other to being good company in a wee bit more than 24 hours. Isn’t that odd?” Dan had the same thought process.

“Yeah.”

“Louise did say we would get on though.”

“She told you that too?”

“Yeah. She tells me most things. I’m her best friend,” Dan chuckled.

“Right.”

“I’m surprised she was right though,” Dan stared down at his drink, “She’s usually rubbish at guessing these kinds of things.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Do you normally wear glasses,” Dan looked up, looking at Phil’s frames. He suddenly remembered that he had them on and started to feel self-conscious. _ I should’ve just put in my_ contacts.

“No,” Phil said, “They make me look like a dweeb.”

“You are one without them too,” Dan laughed. Now Phil just felt stupid.

“Hey.”

“Just kidding. You should wear them more often though. They look really nice on you,” Dan said softly, looking over Phil’s face. Phil looked down. Why was he being so bashful? He was a fully grown man, not some prepubescent boy who was having his first crush. _ Get a grip. _

“Thank you,” Phil immediately felt his face start to heat up. His stomach was getting butterflies too.“

You’re welcome,” Dan smiled, turning out towards the night sky.

“I mean, you look nice too. Without the makeup,” Phil said quietly.

“Really?” Dan looked back towards Phil. He looked so genuine, his eyes sparkling and his lips curved into a small smile.

“Yeah,” Phil felt too bashful to even make eye contact, staring down again at the wooden table.

“I can’t be bothered to wear it at night. It’s so exhausting to put on that I only use it for shows. I love the look, but I'm too lazy for that.”

“Oh. So it’s part of the show?”

“Yeah, it’s part of the whole ‘danieldreamx’ persona,” Dan said.

“It’s a persona?” Phil asked, “I thought you were just being you.”

“Are you kidding me?” Dan said incredulously, “The persona is nothing like me. He’s confident, charming. A heartbreaker by choice. He doesn’t have time for anything or anyone who gets in the way of his rise to the top. I’m a socially awkward nerd that never leaves the house-”

“Yet you’re here,” Phil offered.

“This doesn’t count.”

“Also socially awkward? You don’t seem that awkward,” Phil thought back to the strange question asking session that had occurred before. He decided to not bring it up.

“A few drinks will change that,” Dan took a sip of his drink.

“Fair enough.”

“Anyway, makeup is all a part of it. I usually don’t wear it, but I do whenever I’m out. My fans have never seen me without it.”

“Does that mean that I’m in some exclusive club now?”

“I guess,” Dan snorted, “Yeah, you’ve seen one musician without makeup, wow, you deserve a reward.”

“I deserve one for putting up with you.”

“Hey,” Dan lightheartedly shoved Phil. Phil playfully hit back.

“This is abuse,” Dan said loudly.

“Shut up,” Phil hit Dan again, “You’re gonna get us thrown out.”

“I don’t give a fuck,” Dan said, still being loud.

“Dan! There could be babies listening!”

“Yeah? At 2 AM? In a bar?”

“You never know. There could be baby spies,” Phil said.

“Baby spies?” Dan raised his eyebrows.

“Yeah. With their mums. Listening in on whatever you say.”

“Well, if there are baby spies, I’m sure they’ve heard a lot worse,” Dan snorted.

“Maybe. But that makes you a target for their mums. They will wipe you off the map for cursing in front of their children."

“Wipe you off-" Dan repeated, shaking his head, "You’re so weird.”

“I know," Phil said, looking out through the window. He knew that he had a very active imagination, that was no secret. Only when people pointed it out did he feel strange. Dan probably wasn't intending to hurt him, but alas. Phil would always be different. Especially from a famous singer who he happened to be working with.

“But, in a good way,” Dan smiled, turning his whole body to Phil.

“Yeah?” Phil wasn't expecting that part.

“Yeah. Being normal is boring,” Dan snorted.

“Normalness leads to sadness,” Phil said quietly, looking at Dan. Phil's mum had told him that when he was in secondary school and some of the students were picking on him. It had become one of his mantras, especially when he started to lament about not being normal. Dan looked back at him, his eyes sparkling and his smile wide. He seemed to like the quote as well.

“Yeah, it does,” Dan nodded, lifting his drink, “Here’s to being fucking weird."

Phil couldn't help but grin at that, lifting his half-filled glass of melting cocktail.

Their glasses clinked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys! the chapter is up late because i was on a hiking trip, but i rushed through editing just so y'all could have it asap.  
just an fyi, i will be heading to college next week, so my time to write will be a bit more limited. i am determined to finish this story, so don't worry about me abandoning it, but just know updates might become a bit more infrequent. that's all :)  
i hope you enjoyed this chapter bc i enjoyed writing it! see you next tuesday for the next update :)


	10. Jakarta, Indonesia

It was 2 AM and Phil was just about to fall asleep. Sophie, PJ, Phil, and Chris(he and PJ were becoming good friends) had gone out on a night tour of the city after they finished the show, which was spectacular. Touring a city by night was different than exploring during the day, so PJ and Sophie had booked them a tour. Phil didn’t know what to expect, but he was pleasantly surprised by how cool it was. They ate street food at the stand their tour guide recommended, which turned out to be an amazing meal. Phil had never tried Indonesian food, but he was instantly in love. They also saw Chinatown and Ancol Dreamland Theme Park. PJ had the guide stop in different areas, taking pictures of little things that he found cool. On the ride to Ancol, Chris and PJ were bantering with the tour guide, who seemed to have a good sense of humor. The best part, in Phil’s opinion, was exploring the Pasar Seni Ancol art market, which had so many odd knickknacks. He ended up buying a figurine and a few little souvenirs to send to his family. He hadn’t sent them anything yet, which was surprising. He talked to his mum every week and his brother was texting him pretty frequently, but he still felt the desire to send them a little something. He had been gone for over a month, after all.

The night was fun, but the minute he was in his hotel room, he was ready to collapse on the bed. He couldn’t even be bothered to brush his teeth, shucking off his clothing and crawling into bed. Just as he was nearly asleep, his phone started buzzing._ What the hell? _He thought, but still blindly reached out for his phone. It took a few attempts because he kept his eyes closed, but sure enough, he got to his phone.

He opened his eyes to read the message and squinted, for it was far too bright. _ I wish they would invent screens that wouldn’t blind your eyes when you wake up, _Phil made a note to himself. Maybe he’d invent it someday (or he’d find someone smart to invent it for him).

He had one missed call and one text from Louise. He decided to open the text first.

**Louise: **hey I know it's late but I really need your help.

Phil sighed, rubbing his hand over his face before replying.

**Phil: **what

Instead of a reply, his phone started ringing. Phil was not the type who enjoyed talking on the phone. However, typing words into his phone seemed like an impossible task. He could barely keep his eyes open, let alone type out a coherent response. So, he swiped and put the phone up to his ear, laying back down on the bed.

“So, Dan is drunk at this bar and I don't trust him to get back to the hotel to get enough rest for the show tomorrow,” Louise immediately started talking rapidly, which meant that Phil’s tired brain couldn’t keep up.

“Hello to you too.”

“Hello Phil,” Louise said curtly.

“What were you saying?” Phil asked.

“Dan at a bar. He’s drunk,” Louise huffed into the line.

“S-what do you want me to do?” Phil stared up at the ceiling, letting out a loud yawn. It was taking a lot for him to not roll over and just go to bed.

“Go to the bar and get him and bring him back to the hotel and take him up to his room.”

“Why can't you do it? Or someone else?” Phil moaned, turning over to hide his face into the pillow. As if that would end the conversation.

“Darcy is having an episode at home I have to walk her through. You are the next in line. Besides, PJ, Chris, and Sophie are asleep, probably. I don't trust Anthony to do it and frankly, I don't know Tim well enough to ask him. That leaves you, my dear.”

Phil grunted again, looking toward the ceiling again. He understood why it had to be him, but he didn’t want to get up and out of the bed. He would be helping both Dan and Louise but at that moment, it seemed like too much of an effort.

“Besides, I heard that you two were civil towards one another in Singapore.”

“He told you about that?” Phil mumbled.

“He tells me most things, Phil.”

“Well, what if I don't want to be a nice person?” Phil mumbled.

“But you are and you're gonna do it for me.”

Phil grunted frustratedly. He knew she was right. He just hated the fact that she was and that meant he had to get up.

“I hate you.”

“Love you too, Phil,” Louise laughed, “Thank you so much. Darcy is just having a really hard time with me being gone and she’s crying and throwing a hissy fit right now. I feel like a shit mother, but I’m doing all that I can to be there for her right now.”

“I’m sorry about that, Louise.”

“It’s alright, I’m doing what I can,” she said, “Look, please take care of him. he’s usually even more of an idiot when he’s drunk.”

“Yeah yeah.”

“I’ll text you the address. I would take an uber there.”

“Alright mum,” Phil knew she couldn’t see his eye roll, but he hoped it was evident in his voice. It seems like it was because Louise started giggling.

“Shut up, Phil,” she laughed, “Thank you for helping me out with this. I knew I could count on you.”

“You’re welcome.”

“Alright, text me when you get him back to the hotel room.”

“I will.”

And with that, she hung up the phone. Phil groaned, feeling the instant pangs of regret. Why had he agreed to this? He was frustrated that he had to now go out again, but he knew he didn’t have much of a chance of backing out at this point. _ Here it goes. _ Phil forced himself out of bed. Begrudgingly, he put on joggers that felt like pajama pants and a sweatshirt covered in corgis. He couldn’t even think of anything besides sleep, his brain stuck in a sort of daze. He didn’t even bother to put in his contacts, opting for his glasses instead. Louise sent the address of the bar and a heart emoji while he was tying his shoes. He then ordered an Uber, which was going to be there in a few minutes. _ This is godawful, _ he thought as he grabbed his wallet and stuck his phone in his pocket. He also stashed two granola bars in his pocket, just in case. _ Here it goes, _ Phil grabbed his room card key, his gaze hazy with sleep deprivation. _ Here it fucking goes. _

\---

When Phil finally arrived at the specific nightclub, he felt a little less tired than he did at the hotel---thankfully. He had to talk to the Uber driver using google translate because he knew zero Indonesian. The driver knew some English, though, so they just went back and forth for a minute. It took a bit of effort, but they understood each other well enough.

The address led to some inconspicuous club since they aren’t very nice to LGBT people in Indonesia. Phil was skeptical of traveling and being gay, but he was hetero-passing enough that he hadn’t drawn much attention to himself. So far, all of the countries had been pretty accepting of LGBT, but this was not one of them. Which made it kind of strange that they were playing there because most of the dreamx’s audience were lesbians, or so Phil had noticed.

After the driver dropped Phil off, he got lost, for the bar was difficult to get into. It was tucked in between two restaurants and shared a door with a salon. Phil didn’t know that though, so he spent 5 minutes walking back and forth down the block. When he finally found it, he had no trouble getting past the bouncer and walking on in. He guessed it was late enough in the night that they weren’t worried about too many people.

The bar was much alike any club in the UK. Dark, colorful lights, music playing too loud, uncomfortably warm, and people grinding up against each other on the dance floor. The only difference he could detect is that white people were the minority, compared to England. The place already felt like it was draining his little energy and he hadn’t even been there a full minute. Phil was ever the more aware of the sleep in his eyes. _I’m too tired for this, _he thought morosely.

He spotted Dan by the bar within a minute of scanning the room. He was hard to miss, laughing loudly, whiskey in hand. Some guy in a suit was all over him, pressed up against Dan, who was sitting on a barstool. Dan was smiling, laughing at something the guy mimicked. Phil felt strange, staring at the scene a few meters away. The conflict-avoiding part of himself was begging for him to retreat. But there was also another feeling there. Something ugly, that was making his insides churn. His tired gaze transformed into daggers in a few seconds.

He made his way over to the bar.

“Phil!” Dan said when seeing Phil come over to him. He seemed genuinely surprised, but also pleased, his mouth turning up in a smile, “What are you doing here?”

The other guy looked up at Phil and began to glare. It was if he could just sense that Phil wasn’t buying whatever act he was putting up. Phil couldn’t be bothered, though, merely looking at Dan, who was looking up at Phil with interested eyes.

“I’m here to get you."

“Why didn’t you say so?” Dan smiled, tracing a finger down Phil’s front. Phil felt that fluttering in his stomach again.

_ Fuck. _ He was far too sober for this.

“You need to be ready for the show tomorrow,” Phil swallowed thickly. He was trying to ignore the fact that Dan’s hand was still on him, just above his navel. He felt as if that little point of contact was radiating energy. It was distracting and Phil couldn't help but have nearly all of his focus on it.

“What? No! I don’t want to go,” Dan complained. He retracted his hand, which made Phil grow more comfortable than he had been before---he almost let out a sigh of relief. The man didn’t say anything but must’ve sensed that Dan was about to leave, for he moved his hand to cup Dan’s ass as if claiming possession. This (for some reason) made Phil fucking furious. He stared at the man with narrowed eyes. The guy stared back testingly.

“Come on!”

“Louise said so,” Phil crossed his arms, staring at Dan as if he was being a petulant child. Which he sort of was.

“But I’m having fun! See, I made a friend,” Dan said, pointing to the guy, who now was snaking his hand around Dan’s front as if the more pressed up against Dan he was, the more likely Phil would just leave.

“He doesn’t speak any English, but he’s very se-”

“Alright that’s enough,” Phil said, shaking his head “We’re leaving.”

Louise said that he was more of an idiot when he was drunk, which was evident. She didn’t mention that Dan was more of a twat than usual as well.

“Bu-”

“Louise said.”

“Fine,” Dan rolled his eyes, pushing himself off the bar. The guy looked distressed at Dan leaving, grabbing after him and saying things like ‘sayang’ and ‘bidadariku’ and ‘jangan pergi’ over and over again. But Dan simply walked up to Phil. Dan and Phil then began to walk away, the man glaring at them. Phil looked back at the guy angrily, inherently snaking an arm around Dan’s waist. That guy was so sleazy and gross, obviously trying to get Dan drunk. That made Phil furious. He noticed that Dan leaned into him, but he was too angry at the guy to care.

They finally made it back to the outside of the building. The night was hot and humid, but still pleasant enough that Phil wasn't dying in long sleeves. The sidewalk was empty; most people had cleared out by that time. Dan had practically melted into Phil’s side at that point. They walked side by side in silence, the sounds of the city filling the lack of conversation. Around a block down, Phil spotted a bench and gently set Dan down. Dan made no effort to resist the movement, slouching into the bench.

“Wait here,” Phil said, trying to leave. He needed to order an Uber, so he figured that it would be best to just get that done by himself. Dan would be fine by himself for a few minutes.

“Don’t go. Stay,” Dan reached out and grabbed Phil’s arm, gently tugging it. He was looking at Phil with his soft eyes, his face in a little bit of a pout. _ Goddamn it. _

So, Phil sat begrudgingly next to Dan, pulling up Uber on his phone. As soon as Phil sat down, Dan slouched into him, closing his eyes and humming contentedly. The stomach butterflies returned. Phil couldn't move his arm to type since Dan's side was restricting his arm from moving. However, he didn't want to push Dan off of him, since Dan looked so comfortable. Phil managed to book them a ride, which was going to be there in a few minutes. _ Thank god, _Phil thought.

“Why isn’t Louise here?” Dan asked quietly.

“She was having some family issues.”

“Darcy or Pearl?”

“Darcy.”

They sat in silence, listening to the sounds of the road. Phil felt his tiredness returning, the sleep in his eyes begging him to just drift off for a few minutes. Dan was really warm against his side and was resting. It would be so easy just to close his eyes and rest. However, the more responsible part of Phil persisted. He had promised Louise. He had a mission to accomplish. That didn’t mean that he didn’t feel the urge.

“How are you so much hotter than that guy and you’re in pajamas?” Dan started playing with Phil’s pants at the knee. Phil was trying his hardest not to focus everything on the touch.

“Dan...” Phil said, feeling his stomach fluttering even more.

“Yeah, yeah,” Dan took his hand off of Phil’s leg, moving so that he wasn’t that pressed into Phil anymore. He felt loss immediately, but he knew it was for the best. Phil was already thinking more straight than he was moments before. In multiple ways.

Phil finally saw the car pull up along the curb. Sure enough, it matched the description that he had received. So, Phil got up and hauled up Dan as well, helping him stumble over to the car. Dan could walk by himself, but he just needed a bit of help with walking in a straight line.

Phil made eye contact with the driver, who rolled down the front window.

“Halo. Phil?” He asked, “Saya Satiawan.”

Phil looked down at his phone and saw that indeed, Satiawan was their driver.

“Halo. Terima kasih,” Phil said slowly, trying his best to say it right.

“Sama sama,” Satiawan said.

Phil went towards the backseat of the car, leading Dan there. He opened the backdoor and Dan climbed right in, snickering about how Phil was being so bossy. Phil then walked to the other back seat door of the car and climbed in.

“Terima kasih,” Phil said again.

“Tidak ada masalah. Sebelum dilanjutkan, apakah kamu berbahasa Inggris?” The guy said, looking at Phil in the rearview mirror. Phil felt like a deer caught in the headlights.

“You know Indonesian? That’s hot,” Dan chuckled.

“Shit,” Phil whipped out his phone. He only knew the first phrase because he looked it up when he got the uber there. Thankfully, that driver spoke a bit of English, but it didn’t seem like this driver knew any.

“Maaf, saya tidak bisa bahasa Indonesia,” Phil stumbled through, probably sounding dreadful to the native ear. However, the guy seemed to get the message, giving them a big thumbs up and putting the car in gear.

The car ride was pretty quiet, the soft noise of the radio playing as cars whizzed by. Phill stared out the window at the passing city, absentmindedly looking at the signs and the various buildings. He looked over a few times to Dan, who seemed to be doing the same thing. Dan wore makeup that day at the concert, but it had kind of faded a bit as the night went on. With each passing light, whether from a building or a streetlight, he became illuminated in a yellowish glow, his curls delicate under the warm light. His eyes looked soft too, staring out the window with contemplation. There was something that felt tender about those moments: the smudged makeup, the quiet of the car, the late night. He was wearing a striped shirt too, that looked ethereal on him._ He’s so gorgeous, _Phil couldn’t help but think.

“You Daniel Howell?” The guy asked in a thick accent, snapping Phil out of a particularly long staring session. He looked at the seat in front of him, willing himself to get a hold of the situation. Dan was out of the question. He needed to control himself.

“Yeah,” Dan shrugged.

“Very good,” he said. Phil was impressed. The guy struggled to say that, but Phil was impressed that he even attempted.

“Thanks,” Dan snorts, looking out the window.

The rest of the drive was in silence, but it was relaxing. It had that same 3 am feeling when everything is soft and serene and secrets feel a little more sharable. Phil no longer let himself look at Dan, for that would feel too charged. Instead, he focused again on the passing city. He lost himself in his mind, which wasn’t hard to do.

“Here,” the guy broke the silence as they pulled up to the hotel.

“Terima kasih,” Phil said, quickly getting out of the car and crossing over to Dan’s side. He opened the door and helped Dan out of the car, who seemed pretty reluctant to move. With one last wave at the driver, the two made their way into the hotel.

The hotel light was far too bright, almost expository. The fluorescent lights lit up the entrance in all its grandeur, but it completely ruined the calm residual mood from the car. Phil squinted as he walked towards the elevator. Dan was able to walk mostly on his own, but he was still stumbling quite a bit. He was also being weirdly quiet, but Phil didn’t really pay that much notice to it.

“What’s your hotel room number?”

“It’s 15th floor, room 1,” Dan said quietly.

“Okay, thanks.”

They walked into the elevator without so much as a nod from the staff. They were all busying themselves, speaking in quick Indonesian. He was sure that people would do this all the time. Once the elevator doors closed and they started their ascent, Phil turned to Dan.

“How many drinks did you have?”

“Huh?” Dan looked up as if he had just been snapped back to reality.

“How many drinks did you have?”

“Why do you care?”

“Look, I’m trying to help you,” Phil sighed, taking his glasses off and rubbing his eyes. He was still exhausted. The bright lights weren’t exactly snapping him awake.

“Four, I think,” Dan said quietly.

“Did you eat anything?”

“Not really,” Dan said slowly like he was putting a lot of thought into what he had eaten.

“Here,” Phil dug into his pocket and pulled out a granola bar, “Eat this.”

“Thanks,” Dan took the bar, opening it and starting to munch.

The rest of the ride was quiet, the small whirring of the elevator taking over. Thankfully, the elevator was relatively new, so they arrived within a minute or so. Without saying a word, Dan and Phil walked together down the hallway towards Dan’s room. Dan moved slowly, obviously putting a lot of focus into walking in a straight line and not falling. Phil matched his pace inherently. The sound of their footsteps and the slight crinkle of the wrapping around the granola bar was the most noise they made. Once they reached the end of the hallway, Dan silently reached into his back pocket for the keycard. He swiped it and without even asking, Phil took Dan inside.

“Where are your pajamas?” Phil said, already searching the room.

“Why?” Dan asked, still standing nearer to the door, “What are you doing?”

“Helping you get to bed so that you don’t feel like total shit in the morning,” Phil said.

“They’re in the top pocket of the suitcase.”

“Great. And your toothbrush?” Phil asked, crossing over to Dan’s suitcase and starting to unzip the pouch.

“Same place.”

“Alright,” Phil dug around a little bit and sure enough, they were there. “Go get ready for bed.”

With that, Phil handed Dan his pajamas and toothbrush.

“Okay,” Dan didn’t argue, heading into the bathroom slowly and closing the door behind him. Phil heard the sound of the shower click on. He sighed in relief. That was one less problem to deal with. He looked around the room; there were a few things strewn around, especially on the bed. Phil spotted a Nintendo switch and a laptop on the bed, which looked like they had just been tossed to the side. Cautiously, he closed the laptop and put both on the table delicately. _ I guess he does game _ Phil thought, looking at the switch. The bed was unmade, so Phil straightened out the sheet and then fetched Dan a glass of water.

Then when there was nothing to do, Phil just sat on the bed, staring off into space. He felt so tired and wanted nothing more than to pass out, but he knew he had a duty to both Louise and Dan.

Finally, the bathroom door opened and Dan walked out in black boxers and a black T-shirt. His hair was wet and he looked significantly more tired than before. Phil thought _cute _briefly before he remembered his duty and went full business mode.

“Alright. Drink some water and then you’re going to bed,” Phil handed Dan the glass.

“Why are you being so nice to me?” Dan asked quietly, looking at him over the water glass.

“Louise asked me to,” Phil sighed, “Besides, I used to do this for my uni friends.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Phil said, noticing that Dan had finished the water, “Alright lay down,” he took the glass from Dan.

“Only if you make me,” Dan said slurtily.

“No,” Phil said, feeling his throat thicken. The temptation was there, but he knew his responsibility. Also, he needed to shut down those kinds of thoughts about Dan. It wasn't realistic for Phil to have any sort of un-platonic feelings. They were coworkers and probably not even friends. Besides, Dan was still somewhat drunk. He didn’t know what he was saying. That didn't mean that the comment didn't hit him, though.

Surprisingly, Dan just laid down without more of a fight. Phil took one of the several pillows from the bed and propped up Dan’s back so that he wouldn’t roll over from his side.

“Alright, you should be fine. Just remember to take a pain killer in the morning,” Phil said, turning around to walk to his hotel room. _ Finally, I get to sleep. _

“What are you doing?” Dan asked.

“Going back to my hotel room?” Phil said, “I have to sleep too, you know.”

“Please don’t leave,” Dan said, slightly propping himself up, “I don’t like to sleep alone.”

“Then what do you suggest I do? Watch over you like some creepy old grandmother?”

“Sleep with me,” Dan said simply, nearly knocking all of the air out of Phil’s lungs. Dan meant it in a very innocent way, but Phil’s mind immediately took it to a dark place. _ Fucking get with it Phil, _ he thought bitterly. _ Of course, that isn’t what he’s offering, you perv. _

“Dan, I don’t know about that,” Phil exhaled, running a hand through his hair, which had deflated significantly since he styled it that morning. It was now getting in his eyes.

“Come on,” Dan pouted, “It isn’t that weird.”

“It kind of is,” Phil said, “I’m just gonna go back to my room.”

“Look, if you leave me here, I’m gonna find the nearest bar and find some guy to sleep with,” Dan threatened, fully sitting up and looking at Phil testingly.

“No, you’re not. You’re already in pajamas,” Phil said, “You would have to get all ready to go. That would take too much effort.”

“You don’t know me at all, Phil. I could or could not go.”

“That’s exactly why I can’t just share a bed with you!” Phil started pacing a bit, “I don’t know you at all.”

“You know some stuff,” Dan shrugged, “You know I like video games and you know that I am a socially awkward nerd. That should be enough to convince you that I’d be perfectly fine to share a bed with.”

“I’m not sure about the socially awkward nerd part,” Phil said.

“Look, please? I know it’s a big favor to ask, but I’m serious. I hate sleeping alone,” Dan said quietly, looking at the sheets that covered him. Phil’s mind was whirring like mad. On one hand he just wanted to sleep but on the other hand, he knew that this was fucking weird. Dan was someone that not only he barely knew, but had a feud with for months. Sure, he could share a drink with the guy, but share a bed with him? That seemed way out of the ballpark. _ Also, he’s fi- _Phil started to think, but he shut that train of thought down so fast. Those kinds of thoughts were just idiotic. There were a million things that were wrong about it, so he should just block it out altogether. The real issue was that he wasn’t about to just share a bed with his basic coworker.

However, the more he thought about it, the more pigeonholed he seemed to be in the situation. Sure, Phil could just go back to his room, but then what if Dan did indeed go out at find someone? Louise would be disappointed in him, perhaps even angry. Phil wished that he was the type of person that could just do things without caring what people thought, but he was an inherent people pleaser. He liked making people happy and that would not make her happy. And what else could he do? Just stand around and watch him sleep? Sleep on the floor (Phil wished he could still do that, but since he was around 33, his joints were starting to get to him a little bit)? He wished that he could tag team in Louise or Chris or Anthony, but he was sure that none of them would want to deal with Dan. Besides, Phil had already made himself accountable; they had no responsibility.

He paced while he sorted through his thoughts. Dan watched him absentmindedly as if it was 3 AM at a hotel and Phil was Diners, Drive-In’s, and Dives, watching just to kill time. It was 3 AM. Phil just didn’t have frosted tips.

Phil finally reached a verdict.

“So I have no choice.”

“I mean, you could leave. I’ll just find someone else,” Dan mumbled. He crossed his arms and looked down at the duvet covering him

“Okay,” Phil sighed, “I’ll stay.”

“Really?” Dan looked up at Phil with joy in his eyes. Almost as joyous as the look any 13-year-old gives their mom when they get a yes to the “can I have a sleepover” question. It was an innocent happy, a joy that made something in Phil’s heart pang.

However, Phil needed reassurance for his sense of peace. Dan seemed excited, but he knew, inherently, he shouldn’t be reading into it. Dan was still buzzed and was acting like it. Phil needed something more substantial, something to ground him to the current situation. Something to tell him to snap out of it.

“But it doesn’t mean anything.”

Dan took a few seconds to respond. The smile that had grown on his face faltered a bit.

“It doesn’t mean anything,” he said softly.

“Alright,” Phil sighed. He hadn't brushed his teeth, but if he couldn't be bothered then, he wasn't going to try now. The thought of just passing out seemed too enticing. He simply took his shoes and socks off and placed his glasses on the nightstand, along with his wallet and the other granola bar. He didn’t have his phone charger, but his phone was at 20%. _ Guess that will have to hold me over until tomorrow morning,_ he thought darkly, tossing it on the nightstand.

“Wait, are you really going to sleep in that?” Dan piped up from the other side of the bed. Phil looked over to see that Dan was watching him attentively.

“Yeah, why?”

“I dunno, I just always get too hot in my sleep. I always have to sleep in just boxers, maybe a shirt.”

“I normally do too, but this isn’t usual,” Phil chuckled.

“You can get comfortable. It’s not like I’m going to grope you or anything.”

“That’s reassuring,” Phil said, getting under the covers. He felt his nervousness kick up a gear.

“Suit yourself mate,” Dan shrugged, rolling back into the pillow that Phil had propped against his back earlier.

“Alright,” Phil finally got himself settled in, turning off the lamp beside him. Dan turned off the lamp on his side a few seconds after and the room was encased in darkness. You would think that the darkness would make the whole situation have more anonymity, but it just made Phil more uncomfortable. The situation felt vulnerable, real, and intimate. He was acutely aware of Dan’s presence to his left, the warmth radiating from that side of the bed.

“Goodnight Phil. Sweet dreams,” Dan mumbled, obviously on the brink of falling asleep. It must’ve been the booze. Phil wished he had something to dull the reality of the situation they were in.

“Night,” Phil muttered staring up at the ceiling.

It was incredibly weird, but after a few seconds, Phil’s exhaustion caught up with him. He had wanted to sleep a few hours ago and now, he had his shot. His brain felt like it was just shutting down automatically. It usually took coaxing and relaxation to get his brain to calm down before sleep. But as soon as his head was on the pillow for a minute, he was out.

The last thing he remembered doing was taking off his pants. It was, indeed, too hot.

\---

It felt so strange that morning.

Phil woke earlier than he would naturally, the morning light pouring in from the window. Objectively. it was a hotel room, which he was used to seeing anyway, but it took a few seconds for Phil to realize where exactly he was. He rolled over and when he saw the lump right beside him, he had nearly a heart attack. Peeking out from the covers next to him was what looked like a brown blob. It took him a good minute to remember the reality of the situation.

If the circumstances had felt strange to Phil the night before, it felt alien the next morning. _ What was I on?_ Phil thought, as the situation, he found himself in dawned on him more and more. He had just slept in the same bed as Dan Howell, which was a mixed bag in itself. Phil put on his glasses, propping himself up in the bed. Only then did he realize his shirt was missing. He had just slept in **only his boxers** in the same bed as Dan Howell. _ How the hell did I lose my shirt? _Phil thought, rolling over to look at the floor beside him. Sure enough, it was sat strewn with the pants he had taken off last minute too.

Every minute that he remained in the bed, it felt more and more real. _ I gotta get out of here,_ he thought. So, slowly, he got out of the bed so that he wouldn’t disturb Dan. He quickly slipped his pants and shirt back on, sliding into his tennis shoes without much of a problem. He checked his phone and, luckily, there was a battery charge of 5%, but he knew he needed to charge it. By that point, the whole atmosphere of the room felt so uncomfortable that Phil wanted to extricate himself as quickly as possible. He slipped his wallet into his pocket and made his way for the door. But then he just glanced at Dan.

Somehow, in the middle of the night, the pillow that had supported Dan’s back had fallen off. However, Dan was still on his side, just now facing Phil’s direction. He looked at ease in his sleep, his features soft from both lack of conscience and the warm morning light. Slight freckles dusted his cheeks and his lips were in a little pout, allowing him to breathe. He looked so peaceful. Innocent. Pure. The covers were tucked up to his chin and his hair was a mess, but that just made him look younger. It made Phil feel bad about leaving without saying anything. This wasn’t some Grindr hookup that Phil could leave without closure. This was Dan and although their friendship had been super ambiguous---he didn’t even know if they were even friends--- he knew that he didn’t have the stomach to leave without so much as a goodbye. He needed to do something.

Phil sure as hell was not going to just wait for Dan to wake up---then he would need to make small talk and interact and god knows how that would even go. So, instead, he went and filled up Dan’s water glass and, after a bit of digging, found his ibuprofen, leaving a couple of tablets by the water glass. He also placed his other granola bar on the bedside table. Phil was sure that that would help with whatever severity of a hangover Dan would wake up with. Then, since Phil still felt like that wasn’t enough, he left a little note on a page of those little hotel notepads. “Feel better”. Then he signed it “Phil” with a big smiley face for good measure. _ That should do it, _he thought. And then, with no hesitation, he left the room.

\---

**Louise: **what's your starbucks order

Phil had just taken a shower, brushed his teeth, and was about to head to the venue for tech. He had his phone charging and thankfully, it was getting to around the 40% range. _ That’ll get me through the show, _he thought, unplugging his phone curtly.

When he saw the message from Louise, he grew a little skeptical. Louise wasn’t the type to just strike up a conversation out of the blue; she always needed something or needed to know something. This time was no different. Phil was just confused as to why she would want his Starbucks order.

**Phil**: caramel macchiato, why?

**Louise: **wow, sugariest one.

Phil scoffed a bit at her comment. _ Well, at least I know how to have fun, Louise. Unlike the soul-less black coffee drinkers. _

**Louise:**i can't tell you, but don't buy one before coming in today

Phil figured she was going to buy him a coffee, maybe to thank him for dealing with Dan. The whole night felt like a week, with how long it was. The fact that Louise called him less than 24 hours ago felt ludicrous. Yeah, the night he had endured was tiresome and weird, but he was ultimately happy to help Louise. He wasn’t expecting any form of repayment but figured coffee was a nice gesture and it would save him from going out himself. It wasn’t like he was going to refuse. So, he slid his phone in his pocket and continued to get ready to leave for the show.

When Phil finally arrived at the venue, he was practically itching for the caffeine. The bright, Indonesian sun was helping him keep awake, but he knew that sitting in a dark tech booth was not going to help much. _ She better have it, _Phil thought as he climbed the stairs to the booth---PJ had texted him how to get into the booth. He was hoping that Louise would be right there, ready to hand over the caffeine and let him fuel up.

What he was not expecting was Dan at the top of the stairs, standing quietly with a Starbucks in hand. He was looking at the ground, seemingly deep in thought. He wasn’t in show makeup, but he still had a wing and lip gloss. He also wore a black crop top with “UGH” stitched onto it. _ Same, _Phil thought.

Phil stopped in front of Dan. He figured that that would be enough to knock Dan out of his trance, but it wasn’t. After a few seconds of waiting, Phil decided to speak up.

“Hi.”

Dan looked up, catching Phil’s eyes.

“Hi.”

They stood in a sort of silence that almost felt weighty. Phil didn’t know if the weight was there because Phil had slept in the same bed as Dan (he was trying to not think about it, which he was failing at), Phil had gotten Dan away from the bar, or the fact that the path of their friendship was anything but linear. Everything just seemed to have an energy to it. The way that the sunlight was limited at the top of the staircase, making it a dim area. The way that Dan’s tummy was only the slightest bit visible under his sweatshirt. The way the quiet whirring of machinery behind the booth door filled the silence. Things, instead of just existing, felt like they had a touch of energy to them.

The silence started to get a little heavy. Phil broke it abruptly.

“So, what are you doing here?”

“Oh, yeah,” Dan seemed to snap into action, “This is for you.”

Dan handed Phil the cup, which he took

“Thank you,” Phil said.

“Yeah,” Dan sighed, “I know it’s not much, but I really appreciate you helping me out last night. No one usually takes care of me beside Louise.”

“Yeah?”

“I know that I’m a bit of a twat when I’m drunk-”

“I’m used to it,” the corners of Phil’s mouth started to creep up into a smile.

“Hey,” Dan said, slapping Phil’s arm. Phil laughed, his tongue sticking out.

“But thank you so much. I feel so much better than if I would have if I stayed talking to that guy,” Dan looked at Phil dead in the eye, a genuine smile on his lips.

“You’re welcome,” Phil said.

“Also,” Dan looked cautiously around before continuing quietly, “Thanks for you know...not leaving.”

“Yeah,” Phil said, but his stomach still had butterflies.

“It’s a really embarrassing fear and issue I have to deal with, so thank you for not making fun of me,” Dan nodded, looking at the ground, “I’d appreciate if you kept it between us. And Louise.”

“Sure. I wasn’t on board until you added Louise,” Phil tried to lighten the mood a little bit and it seemed to work, Dan chuckling a bit.

“Alright, you nerd,” Dan rolled his eyes, “I have to get started on hair and makeup for the show. You go drink your coffee abomination.”

“Hey,” Phil said, “It’s so good.”

“It’s so sugary.”

“That’s why it’s good.”

“You’re helpless,” Dan laughed, shaking his head, “Alright, I really need to go now.”

He looked up at Phil with soft eyes. It wasn’t a very perceptive glance, but it just seemed more content. Sleepy, but content. Even though Dan’s eyes were simply brown, Phil still studied them carefully. He found a gold fleck that he hadn’t noticed before.

“Alright bye,” Dan said, awkwardly holding his hand up to wave goodbye.

“Bye,” Phil laughed, making his way into the tech booth and taking a long sip of the coffee.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys! i hope you all enjoyed this chapter, since it took me a while to write (it's kinda long lol). i had a pretty busy day, but i stayed up to get it to y'all as soon as i could. what do you think? let me know in the comments.
> 
> also, i just moved onto campus and my schedule is going to be a lot tighter from now on. i am a college freshmen, so i don't know how much time i need during the week to study. however, i don't want this story to become something i don't enjoy writing anymore. so, the update schedule will now be every other week. that's also bc i want to make sure that the chapters are quality before i post them. thank you all for understanding. hope you've had a great week, and i hope your next two weeks will be fantastic :)


	11. Perth, Australia

**Unknown Number: ** hey are you still up?

Phil was indeed still up. He had just gotten off of a phone call to his mum. The time difference made it so that even though it was midnight in Australia, it was only four o’clock on her time. He had spent nearly an hour on the phone with her, just catching up. He was close to his family and even though he didn’t live at home or anything like that, it seemed strange that she wasn’t just a few hours away. They just chatted away like old times. He told her about PJ and some of the things he had seen while traveling and she talked about his father and his brother and the old neighbor that he was somehow supposed to remember. She eventually had to end the call because his dad needed her help in the garden, but she told him to call soon. He knew whenever he called next would probably not be soon enough by her standards.

When he received a text message from an unknown number, he stared at it for a few seconds. It seemed strange. Did people prank text now, instead of call? Was someone trolling him? Phil had no idea what the teenagers were up to. The message itself didn’t seem prank worthy, but it was odd. Who would want to hang out with him at this hour that didn’t already have his number? Phil was sure that someone had probably gotten the wrong number.

**Phil: ** who is this?

He figured the other person wouldn’t respond, because that was usually what happened. However, the response appeared within seconds.

**Unknown Number: ** do you not have it? wow, louise was right about you not reading the company email

Phil knew immediately who it was as soon as he saw ‘Louise’. His stomach started fluttering.  _ Why is he texting me? _

**Phil: ** dan?

**Dan: ** yeah. you should read those.

Phil sighed a little bit but still felt strange. It wasn’t a stranger, but that fact didn't normalize this interaction. He noticed that his heart seemed to be beating a little faster and that it felt almost lighter in his chest. Phil, of course, upon noticing these things, tore those feelings down. It was ludicrous that he was even thinking like that. Dan was a famous maybe-friend and the thought of anything more was laughable. He needed to get those absurdities out.

He quickly typed out a response.

**Phil:** i know

**Dan: ** well I guess you’re up then

Phil looked around him and sighed. He was thinking about going to bed, for the show that night had exhausted him, but obviously, he couldn’t now. Even though he could theoretically ignore Dan and sleep, he was much more intrigued as to why Dan was randomly texting him so late at night. He wasn’t about to ignore the chance to find out.

**Phil:** yeah, why?

**Dan: ** want to go to the beach with me?

**Dan: ** louise is already asleep because she’s old and i don't wanna go alone

Phil stared at the message, gaping a little bit. He read the message several times as if the words would magically change in front of him into something more sensible. But no, the offer still stood. Phil had a strange mix of feelings just thinking about it. Dan wanted Phil to come and hang out with him. Dan, who he had gone from yelling at to sharing a bed within a matter of days, wanted to voluntarily spend more time with him. It seemed bizarre, but it was happening.

Phil pondered it for a little bit, looking up from the message. What the fuck was he and Dan’s friendship? He didn’t even know if they were close to being friends, but perhaps they were if Dan was asking to spend time with Phil. On the other side, Phil found it strange to head out so late at night. Usually, he would be against it, for he didn’t enjoy going outside. However, he wanted to have fun experiences while he was traveling; that’s why he got the job. This would be a different experience for sure. Also, a more hidden part of his brain made it seem impossible to reject the offer.

**Phil: ** sure

**Dan: ** meet me in the lobby in 5 minutes

Phil was surprised by the immediacy of the reply. Five minutes wasn’t a lot of time, which caused Phil to go into a bit of a panic mode. He shot up from laying on the bed and began to pace around the hotel room, trying in vain to ‘get ready’ while his brain was whirring with questions. What did he even need? What did people bring to the beach when they were going at midnight? Butterflies were forming in his stomach just thinking about spending time with Dan. He felt nervous, a completely different feeling from the resentment that used to come with his thoughts of Dan. Phil was micro analyzing every move. Something must've switched when they shared that bed. Every word seemed weighted, every movement seemed to carry a double meaning. The intricacies of it all were sending Phil’s head spinning. Whenever Dan was involved, Phil didn’t seem to have a grip on reality. Dan seemed to float through Phil’s thoughts, causing him to trip up in his reasoning and feel more unsettled than usual.

_ Get a grip, Phil,  _ Phil thought bitterly, brushing his deflating quiff out of his face. Whatever was making him think about Dan all of the time needed to stop. He needed to stop panicking and pacing and get ready to go. He grabbed his phone and his wallet, looking around briefly for anything else. He didn’t see anything besides his keycard that he needed, so he just swiped up the keycard and exited his hotel room. 

When he finally reached the lobby, Dan was already standing there. He smiled upon seeing Phil, a lazy smile that just seemed to appear subconsciously.

“Hey,” Dan said once Phil had gotten close to him.

“Hey,” Phil said. His brain was already whirring with observations. Dan was wearing a bit of makeup, or was he? Phil couldn’t tell, but he was staring at Dan all the same. Phil tried not to look at the soft bit of belly that poked out from beneath his black crop top. Dan seemed a bit tired, but the right amount that he was very peaceful. He was also wearing his big jacket, unzipped of course.

“Is that a Gengar shirt?” Dan said, taking Phil out of his thoughts.

Phil looked down at his shirt. He guessed that was what he was wearing; he hadn’t given much thought to it. He felt a little silly about it now. But, Dan did know what Gengar was, so maybe it wasn’t silly.

“Yeah?”

“Cool,” Dan’s face went into a smirk, looking down at the shirt and then back at Phil’s eyes, “Are you ready?”

“I guess,” Phil said. He was probably as ready as he would ever be--still reluctant.

“Let’s go,” and with that, Dan turned around towards the exit.  _ Here we go,  _ Phil thought tiredly, following behind him.

The beach was right behind the hotel; Phil had noticed it when they arrived. It was a beautiful white sand beach that seemed to stretch as far as the eye could see. When they first checked in to the hotel earlier that day, Phil immediately thought it was going to be like some sort of tropical paradise. He imagined sitting by the shoreside, sipping an exotic drink and watching people play beach volleyball, perhaps even swimming with dolphins. However, the moment Phil stepped outside, he realized that it was chilly. Quite chilly.

“It’s like a perfect temperature?” Dan smiled, looking around at the night sky.  _ He looked so happy, _ Phil noted.

“Are you kidding me? It’s freezing,” Phil crossed his arms, “Isn’t it supposed to be summer?”

“Phil,” Dan looked at Phil, “You realize we’re in the southern hemisphere. It’s winter here.”

“What?”

“It’s the southern-” Dan just put his head in his hands, “You idiot.”

“What?”

“Do you need to go back and grab a jacket?”

“No,” Phil looked back at the hotel. They had barely taken two steps out, but he still didn’t want to make the effort, “Too far now.”

“Alright, your loss I guess,” Dan shrugged and started walking.

The ocean at night always had a kind of weird vibe to it. You couldn’t see the waves, but they were still there, crashing into the shore. It was strangely calming, just walking along the shore. Phil’s shoes were probably getting sandy, but he couldn’t find it in himself to care---he knew that he would care later, but he wasn’t worried about it at the moment. There were a few stars in the sky, but not too many because of the city’s light pollution. Phil wished he could see them, though; he always liked looking at the stars.

He was hyper-aware of Dan walking right next to him. They weren’t talking, but it was almost as if Phil was just reading his aura. It seemed like every little bit of energy Dan was giving off, Phil was picking up on. Phil couldn’t see him that well, for the only light came from the buildings lining the beach, but he knew Dan was there. He didn’t know if he would pick up on the same energies if they could see each other. Dan seemed calm and at ease, but that just fed into Phil’s nervous energy. The lack of conversation was filled by the quiet sound of the waves and the sand crunching under their shoes, but Phil still couldn’t stop his mind from whirring.

“So, how did you get into lighting?” Dan finally broke the silence. Phil was surprised because it had gotten to the point where it seemed weighty. It was a relief that it was over, though.

“Err,” Phil looked down, trying to think, “I guess when I was a teenager. Me and my friends would make these short films and I was really into directing and creating these videos. Then, one of those friends started doing theatre and wanted me to try it with her. She was more of the onstage kind of person, but I liked doing stuff backstage.”

“You did theatre in secondary school?” Dan said, “Oh my god, so did I. I was so dramatic. I was Benvolio in Romeo and Juliet and I remember wearing that like a badge of honor.”

“You are such an actor,” Phil chuckled under his breath. He felt like he was easing up on the nervous energy. Dan, upon hearing that comment, immediately retorted.

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“You’re dramatic.”

“Whatever,” Dan scoffed, “Anyway, you were saying?”

“Oh, yeah. I mean, when I was a child I always noticed what they did with lighting. I guess I just sort of gravitated towards it in school. When I was in university, I ended up being a lighting technician major. I tried both film and English, but nothing clicked quite as well,”

“I went to university.”

“Yeah?”

“I was pre-law for two years before I dropped out. I hated it.”

“Seems to have worked out for you,” Phil said. Dan was a famous musician, after all. It wasn’t like he was scrambling for every last cent.

“Yeah,” Dan sighed, “It was rough at first, but I was in the band in college and we started to be serious a few months after I dropped out. We were all struggling for a while and playing literally any venue that would take us, but we seem to have made it now. I mean, we’ve been playing for like, 10 years, but we just blew up in the past 3 years. It’s been overwhelming.”

“That makes sense,” Phil said, “You’re probably used to it by now, though. The fame.”

“Yeah,” Dan laughed, “It’s so weird that now I get recognized everywhere I go. The fans are really lovely and they know me so well and we have a really good relationship, but sometimes they’re a little much,” Dan sighed, “they reply to literally every tweet I send, even if I am reacting to something else. They’re just a little...intense. And some people don’t realize that.”

“That explains it,” Phil muttered.

“What,”

“Oh,” Phil said, “When you put that techie tweet and I replied and then you did too, it kind of blew up my phone.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.”

“I’m sorry about that,” Dan said, “They get really riled up.”

“It’s fine,” Phil chuckled, “I’ll just remember to never tweet you.”

“No?” Dan asked, “You don’t want any more mad twitter bants,” He started waving his arms around. Phil could faintly see his outline, especially with that movement.

“Oh my god,” Phil laughed, “Not if they’re like that.”

They both started to laugh. Phil felt far more at ease than he had at the beginning of the conversation. Dan was weirdly easy to get on with. However, when their laughter started to die down, Phil started to feel the cool night breeze on his skin, coupled with the sea mist. Goosebumps started to rise on his arms, making him inherently cross his arms.

“Geez, it’s so cold,” Phil said. The tip of his nose was starting to feel the cold. Along with his arms. The tee shirt wasn’t a good idea.

“Oh my god,” Dan said, and Phil started to hear a bit of rustling.

“What are you doing?” Phil asked, trying to see what Dan was doing in the darkness. It looked like Dan was shrugging and Phil already knew what that meant. His heart immediately dropped and he felt his nerves returning.

“Dan-”

“If you’re going to complain about the cold, I’m going to help,” Dan shook his head.

“I’m sorry, I’ll shut up,” Phil felt his face start to heat up. He was so grateful it was dark out, so Dan couldn’t see the flush. He was mortified that he had driven Dan to have to give up his coat. He should’ve just kept quiet. Why did he feel the need to complain in the first place?

“No, take it,” Dan urged, handing his coat over to Phil. It was already warm to touch, but Phil just couldn’t take it. That would be embarrassing.

“No, Dan. I couldn’t” Phil shook his head, trying to shove to coat back at Dan.

“Look, if you give it back, I won’t put the coat back on. Then we both will be cold.”

Phil thought about it for a few seconds. It sounded like there was no alternative. As humiliating as it was, he only had one choice.

“Alright,” Phil sighed, taking the coat back and shrugging it on, “But now you’ll be cold.”

Phil couldn’t help but notice that the coat smelled good. And was already really warm.

“No, I’m fine,” Dan chuckled, “my family calls me the human heater. I get really warm. Besides, it isn’t that cold out.”

“Shut up,” Phil was happy to have the jacket, but he would never say it. 

“I’m just saying,” Dan giggled.

They continued to walk in a more easeful silence than before; it felt almost playful and light. The crashing of the waves functioned to calm Phil’s mind a bit. He was still picking up on Dan’s energy, but it didn’t feel as nerve-wracking as it did before. His thoughts had more of a warmth to them, a sort of giddy feeling as well. The peaceful walking, even though they weren’t doing anything, made Phil’s heart feel lighter in his chest. He was trying to act normal and ease himself, but he really couldn’t help it.

However, within a few minutes, they started to see something that looked odd. There was some sort of flashing lights up ahead, bobbing with blue, green, red, pink, and purple color. There were also straight beams of colored light---right on the beach. Phil felt a sense of confusion start to wash over him.

“What the fuck is that?” Dan said. Apparently Dan was thinking the same thing.

“Come on, let’s check it out,” Phil said. He felt a sense of curiosity, so much so that he forgot about the subtext surrounding his and Dan’s interactions. He just started walking quickly towards the bobbing lights. He could hear Dan’s footsteps behind him. His brain was whirring in science fiction. Perhaps they were aliens, performing some sort of ceremony to communicate with their species. Perhaps it was a species of wild lizards that no one had ever seen before, glowing in groups in the sand. Maybe it was some sort of secret society meeting, conversing using colors of light. Phil had no idea, but his brain was rapidly reminding him of the possibilities.

As Phil approached the scene, he figured out that the lights were attached to people, who seemed to be dancing around a big tent. When he got closer, he realized that the lights were the sides of headphones. The people were swaying back and forth under the bright DJ lights, which were pulsating with color every second or so. It was odd, since there were crowds of people dancing, yet there was no music to be heard. There was just the sound of steps in the sand and the murmur of conversation; Phil could still hear the waves crashing on the beach. It felt so alien to Phil as if he had stepped onto something that felt almost classified, as if he wasn’t supposed to be there.  _ I might’ve been right with the secret society stuff,  _ Phil noted. He looked over at Dan and Dan looked just as confused.

Someone must’ve noticed their looks of consternation, for, within a minute, a tall guy who was swaying near them turned towards the two.

“G’ day. Ya’ lost?” the tall guy with long hair and a backward snapback said, taking his headphones off.

“Yeah. What’s going on?” Phil asked, still transfixed on the people swaying.

“This is a silent rave,” the guy said, “the music plays through the headphones and people dance.”

“Do people just...like...show up?” Phil said. The whole concept seemed absurd to Phil. Who on earth would want to do that?

“Yeah,” the guy shrugged, “People like to dance.”

Phil gave Dan a kind of unbelieving look.  _ Is this how extroverts spend their time? _ Phil thought critically. Dan seemed just as surprised.

“Hey, are you that guy from that band-” The guy said after taking a longer look at Dan, pausing as he was trying to think of it, “dream or something like that?”

“Yeah?” Dan said sheepishly. Phil had noticed that he seemed to be pretty quiet. He had kind of placed himself behind Phil as if he was trying to remain hidden or something. Phil hadn’t ever really seen Dan behave like that, which was a bit puzzling. Maybe he was just out of his element that night.

“Wicked, mate,” the guy held out his hand to Dan; he seemed all too enthusiastic. Dan went in for the handshake, and the guy grabbed his hand and went in for the “bro hug’”. Dan just kind of was pulled along, his face twisting into a look of confusion. Phil watched as the whole exchange went wrong. It only lasted a few seconds, but it was painful to witness. Phil was just trying to keep in his laughter.

Once it was over, Dan looked so embarrassed, a slight blush starting to cover his cheeks. His hand was still held out midair and his face had a look of panic. The guy didn’t seem to notice, though, patting him heartily on the back.

“My boyfriend is obsessed with you, mate. Won’t believe it when I tell him,” the guy said, a wild smile on his face, “D’you two want headphones? I know the girl who’s running it. ‘Could score you some.”

“Uhh…” Phil looked to Dan, who looked just as hesitant as Phil. He looked like he was still processing the awkward hug. It was hard for Phil to look at Dan’s mortified face without bursting into laughter, but he somehow managed.

“Gnarly,” the guy took Phil’s hesitation as a yes, “Wait ‘ere.”

Then, the guy disappeared into the crowd. Phil couldn’t hold it in anymore, starting to laugh at Dan.

“Shut up,” Dan crossed his arms. His face was flushing up a bit, or at least that’s what Phil could detect under the pulsating colored lights. He looked sheepish, to say the least. Phil found that hilarious. Also, something in his heart felt kind of warm. He tried not to think about that part.

“What was that?” Phil was still laughing.

“How was I supposed to know what handshake I was supposed to do?” Dan sputtered, “Like, was there some guide to casual handshakes that was given out in school that I never got?”

“It was just so bad,” Phil giggled gleefully, covering his mouth with a hand.

“Shut up, you spork,” Dan shoved Phil a little bit, which just made Phil giggle even more.

“Here you go, lads,” the guy suddenly reappeared, making Phil quell his laughter nearly instantaneously. It was almost as if he had been caught doing something against the rules. He still felt the laughter in his chest, but he kept it in.

“The buttons on the side switch to different channels and the other side can mess with the volume,” the guy shoved a pair of headphones in both Dan and Phil’s hands. They both took the headphones clumsily as if they had been given a completely alien mechanism rather than just some wireless headphones.

“Have fun, lads,” the guy said, hitting Dan on the shoulder again, “Pleasure to meet ‘ya, mate.”

And before they could say anything, the guy walked back over to the people he was dancing with. Dan and Phil were still at the precipice of the party, the quiet crashing of waves becoming more prominent.

“So…” Dan trailed off, looking down at the headphones, “Do you really want to do this?”

“Why not?” Phil shrugged, “Try new things.”

“Yeah?” Dan looked up, a small smile on his face.

“Yeah,” Phil couldn’t help but smile cheekily, putting the headphones over his ears. He immediately heard “Electric Boogie” one the speakers and started laughing.

“Oh my god,” Phil said loudly, “I haven’t heard this song in years.”

“What,” Dan asked, putting the headphones on as well, “Oh dear,” he said as soon as they were on.

“I know, right?”

“This isn’t the 1980’s,” Dan sighed.

“We can pretend,” Phil said, “Time machine.”

“Where are the flared pants? And the big hair?” Dan asked, crossing his arms.

“Come on,” Phil rolled his eyes, starting to move a little bit to the music, “You don’t have to be so realistic.”

“Oh my god, you have no rhythm,”

“I do,” Phil sighed, “I am the king of rhythm,” Phil knew that he had no rhythm. But he wasn’t going to let Dan know that. So, he simply made his motions larger, to the point where he was just kind of doing some sort of window wash move. To be fair, he had never taken proper dance lessons, but even he could tell that he wasn’t doing it right. Dan looked slightly annoyed, but he was still grinning widely.

“Do you even know what rhythm is?” Dan smiled at Phil. Phil thought that he sensed a hint of adoration in Dan’s eyes, but it was probably just amusement.

“Oh my god, you’re helpless,” Dan said, stepping towards Phil and grabbing his hands. Phil felt his heart jolt and he looked up at Dan, thoroughly surprised. Dan was just looking at Phil’s hands softly, starting to move their hands together to the beat. It was just a simple motion, but it sent electricity through Phil’s body. He felt charged, just standing there close to Dan.

“See, doesn’t this feel better?”

“I wouldn’t know,” Phil laughed. He felt like his entire heart was in his stomach.

“Well it looks better,” Dan smirked, looking into Phil’s eyes.

“Does it?” Phil asked, staring right back.

“Yes,” Dan smiled, “Trust me.”

Neither of them moved away, staying close and with their hands together. Phil even, a bit in, did the risky move and turned his hands over to interlace with Dan’s. Thankfully, Dan took his gesture almost immediately. Then, they just kind of swayed for a while. It never became more complicated and never really evolved into any other type of dance; it was just Dan and Phil, swaying at the edge of the party. Phil couldn’t process what was happening at the moment. Part of his brain felt like the whole experience wasn’t even legitimate; it just didn’t seem like reality to have himself with Dan, swaying at 1 AM. He couldn’t even fully process every micro gesture Dan was making at him so his brain, surprisingly, stopped moving so frantically. He was feeling the music and he was enjoying dancing with Dan. That’s all that mattered.

Phil didn’t quite know how much time passed by, but it seemed endless and also finite at the same time. The almost dreamlike quality persisted through every moment, making it seem timeless but also timely. Phil could’ve been there for hours or just a few minutes, but he had no clue. All he was paying attention to was Dan and the warm feeling that was manifesting in his chest.

Suddenly, in the middle of a song, something went through Dan, for he immediately tensed up and jolted away. He let go of Phil’s hands, dropping his own to the side while stepping back from Phil. Phil had no idea what was going on, his hands sort of frozen midair. In that instant, his brain went right back to panic mode. Had he done something wrong? Had he done something to upset Dan? What was going on? He was stilted, his brain back in overdrive and his body clumsily following him behind.

“Sorry, I got a bit carried away,” Dan took his headphones off of his ears, looking down at the ground.

“Is everything alright?” Phil took off his headphones as well.

“Yes. I am fine,” Dan said, even though he wasn’t.

A silence persisted after that, which was extremely heavy. And suffocating. Phil felt a whole range of emotions, guilt and shame and embarrassment all bundled up together. He felt as if his skin was crawling from mortification. He frantically searched for something, anything to say to change the subject. 

“I wonder what the other channels sound like,” Phil said, making a big point to start to fiddle around with the channels.

“Oh right. Other channels,” it was almost as if Dan snapped out of a trance. It seemed like he was looking for a distraction too.

“We’re on Blue,” Phil looked at the side of his headphones, “and it looks like it has red and green as other options.”

“Green sounds like hardcore EDM. Are you into that?” Dan asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Not particularly,” Phil said, still hyperaware of whatever Dan was doing, “What’s Red?’

“I think Pop. Like, what’s popular right now,” Dan shrugged.

Phil figured he was going to have to just go with it. He didn’t think his whirring thoughts could handle the smooth disco music anymore. It would almost feel as if the disco songs were mocking him for not having it together.

“Let’s do Red,” Phil put on the headphones, just in time to hear a song that he didn’t really like on the radio. He heard it in the preshow list once and that was an unpleasant experience.

“Oh I don’t like this song,” Phil dropped his arms from the headphones. He wasn’t going to even try to dance to it. He couldn’t bring himself to dance at that moment, especially to that awful song.

“Oh really?” Dan looked at Phil, a small smile on his face. He looked like he was warming up after the icy moment he had earlier.

“It’s so repetitive!” Phil said. He felt himself ease a little bit as well, for he was seeing that Dan was slightly calming down as well.

“You were the one who wanted to switch to red!” Dan laughed.

“Bad decision,” Phil said. The song was fading out though, so thankfully they didn’t have to endure the irking song for any longer. The DJ crossfaded the song, so the next song started up in no time at all.

“Oh my god,” Dan said as the next song began playing.

“What?”

“It’s ‘Existentialism’” Dan said, and Phil started to recognize the tune. It was one of ‘the dreamx’s’ more popular songs since the tune was an earworm. After a few seconds, he recognized it.

“I know this song,” Phil grinned.

“Oh my god this is so embarrassing,” Dan covered his face, sighing loudly.

“Why?”

“I mean, I love the song, but I was in such a weird headspace when I wrote it,” Dan shook his head, “Every once in a while, I’ll have an existential crisis and this particular time, I decided to write lyrics about what I was feeling.”

“What’s so weird about that?”

“That it played on the radio for months and now people are dancing to it. Including us.”

“I guess so,” Phil nodded, “Are you gonna sing it?”

“What? No?” Dan’s head snapped up, he gave Phil an unbelieving look.

“Your part is coming up,” Phil wiggled his eyebrows. Dan scoffed at Phil’s motion.

“No, I’m not going to sing along to my own song at a public venue,” Dan rolled his eyes. Phil got an idea. A chaotic idea. An idea that he didn’t even think through.

“Then I’m gonna sing it,”

“Wha-”

_ What does it all mean? _

Phil was trying his best to hold the tune without laughing, going into full performance mode. He had seen Dan do the same movements nearly every night for the past month or more, so he knew the choreography fairly well. He was fully imitating what Dan did for each show; Dan just watched in awe.

_ My face is on the carpet _

_ Life is like a fucking machine _

_ Machine _

_ We’re all a part of it _

_ Deviate from this _

_ Me? Who is ‘me’? _

_ Am I faking my personality? _

_ Are there just faces for people to see? _

“Here comes the chorus,” Phil licked his lips. He was fully into it now, pretending to be Dan. Dan looked mortified, but he was grinning from ear to ear, laughing heartily. Phil had generated a tiny bit of an audience now, but Phil wasn’t paying attention to that. All he was focussing on was Dan and embarrassing him.

“Oh my god,” Dan said through his laughter, putting his head in his hand.

_ Do I mean anything at all? _

_ If I were a tree, would someone hear me fall? _

_ Let me fall on down _

_ Let me hit the ground _

_ Let me leave this town _

_ Let me go _

“Alright, that’s enough,” Dan grabbed Phil’s arms, pulling them down from where they currently were. Phil made no resistance to the motion, even though he felt cut off from his performance. Dan’s face was red with embarrassment, which just made Phil laugh. He had no idea why he did that whole performance, but he couldn’t bring himself to care about what anyone else thought. Maybe he also wanted to embarrass Dan. Either way, he was tired and his inhibitions were down. It seemed like the right mood though, for the awkward energy that existed before fully dissipated.

The party was seeming to start to wind down, for there were significantly fewer people than were there in the beginning.

“Okay, I’ve had enough exercise,” Dan took off his headphones halfway through the second verse.

“Are you sure that’s what it is?” Phil asked, “Or do you just not want to see the rest of the performance,”

“That too,” Dan shook his head, his eyes growing a little wider. Like he was worried that Phil was going to suddenly go back into performance again. Phil wished that he could, but he didn’t have the same surge of energy as he had the first time.

“I’m tired too, though,” Phil nodded.

“D’you wanna get out of here?”

Phil knew what that line normally meant. And his mind immediately went there. His heart skipped a beat. He stared at Dan with wide eyes.

“To play Mario Kart, you perv,” Dan rolled his eyes.

“Oh,” Phil said, “Sure.”

They looked around for somewhere to put the headphones, which took a couple of minutes. They eventually found a table with a bunch of headphones on it, so they added to the stack and headed back down the beach towards the hotel, Once they were walking again, Dan turned to Phil immediately.

“You play right?”

“All the time,” Phil said, “I’m quite good.”

“Oh really? I spend unhealthy amounts of time playing online. I’m so good at Mario Kart.”

“I guess we’ll just have to see about that.”

“Alright,” Dan laughed.

The walk back to the hotel seemed to be far shorter than the way there. The silence seemed to be less nerve-wracking than the initial silence, it still seemed to be more charged than it had been before. Phil was too tired to analyze the weird dancing moment and everything that Dan had said, which was probably for the better. He was just existing in a kind of half-awake daze, where things felt easy and simple. Even though the night was cool---Phil still had Dan’s jacket on---the energy was pleasant, as any late-night conversation.

When they finally reached the hotel, Phil could feel the sand in his shoes. He knew it was going to start to bother him, but he was too tired to care. When they got to the hotel room, Dan kicked off his shoes and headed in the direction of his open suitcase. Phil, more gingerly, took his shoes off and placed them carefully by the door. His socks were sandy too, but he guessed he would just have to live with it.

“We’re playing Mario Kart, right?”

“Yeah,” Dan smiled, switching on his switch. He set the screen on the tv stand and plopped down on the bed. Phil sat a little more gently on the edge of the bed. It still felt a little too personal, to just be playing Mario Kart on Dan’s bed, but he needed to get out of his head. The night had already been bizarre enough, and he had no energy to question anything.

“How good are you, actually?” Phil asked as the switch continued to boot up.

“Pretty good,” Dan chuckled, “I mean, if I had a top-five skills in life, wrecking people at Mario Kart would probably be among them.”

“Well I’m glad I signed up for this then,” Phil chuckled.

“Here you go,” Dan handed Phil the other controller.

“I always forget how small switch controllers are,” Phil held the controller, his hands almost enveloping the entire thing.

“I know. It’s frustrating,” Dan muttered, navigating through the menu, “Alright, 150 cc like normal-”

“150 cc?” Phil immediately reacted. He felt like his brain would melt if he was trying to race at that speed.

“What about it?” Dan looked at Phil, still scrolling through the rest of the menu.

“That’s too fast!” Phil said.

“No it’s not,” Dan shook his head, “Deal with it,”

“This might have been a mistake.”

“Too bad,” Dan snorted, “You’re already committed. Alright, pick a character.”

“Do you have Tanooki Mario?” Phil looked for the character and found it almost instantly, “Yes! He’s the best.”

“I’m going to be my Mii,” Dan said, selecting the options at rapid-fire.

“Boring,” Phil muttered.

“Shut up,” Dan said, “Alright, we’re doing Dolphin Shoals. Start easy.”

“Easy? Why not Mario Circuit?”

“Because that one is monotonous,” Dan said quickly, “We’re starting.”

Of course, Phil missed the extra speed boost that you get in the beginning if you press ignition at the right time. His engine blew up as Dan went zooming past, which was irritating.

“Off to a great start Phil,” Dan chuckled.

“Doesn’t matter,” Phil kept up the cocky banter, even though he didn’t have anything to go off of, “I’m going to totally win this.”

“Can’t handle your fighting talk,” Dan said sarcastically, “‘I’m going to totally win this.’”

Their comments died down then, for they were both focussed too much on playing the game. They would make occasional comments about the course or brag about how well they were doing. It was a great distraction for Phil; he was so focused on the race and trying to beat Dan that he forgot about being tired and what had happened a few minutes prior. It was a nice release.

“Wait what do coins actually do,” Phil asked offhandedly on the second lap when he had just gotten a coin around the turn.

“When you get ten you speed up,” Dan muttered, “Wait how long have you been playing the game?”

“Like, 5 years,” Phil said, as he jumped on a ramp.

“You’ve been playing the game for 5 years and you don’t know what coins do?”

“Shush,” Phil said his mouth in an uncontrollable smile.

Eventually, the race came to an end. Dan ended up in 1st place and Phil was in 7th place. Not a great display of his skills.

“Yes,” Dan said, giving Phil a smug look.

“I’m rubbish on 150 cc, it’s too fast!” Phil looked back at Dan. He felt cheated, for he usually didn’t play on that high of a speed. It was like his muscle memory of the courses were all wrong, since they weren’t adjusted to the increase. He felt like that should be acknowledged.

“Oh blame the speed, blame the speed,” Dan immediately started mocking him, his voice going high. Phil wanted to roll his eyes and be annoyed, but he couldn’t help but smile.

They played a few more rounds after that, Phil continuously losing abysmally. Dan just found it funnier and funnier every time, for Phil had said that he was going to destroy Dan. Dan even got to the point of being so cocky that he started playing with his face, which made Phil slightly annoyed. He wasn’t usually that rubbish at the game. Dan was just being too damn distracting, with his banter and laughter. Also, the speed didn’t help.

However, one round, Dan was just fooling around and making fun of Phil and Phil managed to pass him. Dan didn’t seem to care as much in the beginning, but as the round progressed, he started to get more and more serious. In the last half lap, it finally dawned on Dan that he was going to lose to Phil, and he immediately started to freak out. He was yelling no and putting so much energy into the game. Phil just found this hilarious, casually beating him in the end.

“ARE YOU ACTUALLY KIDDING ME,” Dan screamed, tossing the controller on the bed and looking with disdain at the screen. 

“Great. Justice is restored,” Phil laughed.

“Shut up, you won one time,” Dan rolled his eyes.

“You’re no longer undefeated,” Phil laughed, “I’m not that good and I still beat you.”

“You’re the worst,” Dan laughed, shoving Phil playfully. They both laughed for a little bit. Dan flopped back onto the bed, letting out an irritated grunt. Suddenly, the hour started to catch up with Phil. He felt another wave of tiredness pass over him. He pulled out his phone and looked at the time, his eyes growing wide when seeing the number.

“Dan,” Phil felt his eyes starting to droop.

“Yeah?” Dan said, looking over at Phil.

“It’s 3 am.”

“Shit.”

“Yeah.”

“Bed?”

“Yeah,” Phil said, looking down. He didn’t want to walk back to his room; it seemed like an entire continent away. He also really didn’t want to leave Dan. The night had been weird, yeah, but it still had ended nicely. Also, there was some sort of subconscious energy that was around any time Dan was around Phil. It was almost like their personalities just clicked. Phil didn’t want to leave that connection just yet.

They both sat there for a few seconds, dwelling in silence. There was a kind of reluctance in the room. Almost as if Dan recognized that same fact and felt similarly to Phil. Dan was staring at the ceiling as if he was processing the fact that it was time to sleep.

He sighed a bit.

“It’s too late to call Louise.”

“What for?” Phil looked over to Dan.

“You know,” Dan looked down, “the bed thing.”

“Oh. Right.”

“It’s fine, I can survive one night,” Dan said, looking out towards the window.

“I mean, I can stay,” Phil said a little too eagerly. He regretted being so awkward as soon as he said it.

“Really?” Dan immediately turned around, looking at Phil excitedly.

“Yeah,” Phil said, trying to justify that it wasn’t weird that he had such an immediate reaction, “I mean, I shared a bed with you before and you didn’t murder me or anything, so it’d be fine.”

“That’s a pretty low bar, Phil,” Dan laughed, “But are you serious?”

“Yeah.”

“Because that would be really nice,” Dan was looking at Phil with a very serious gaze. Phil tried to match that intensity.

“Totally serious.”

“Alright,” Dan said, looking down at the covers, “Thanks.”

“I didn’t bring a toothbrush though,” Phil said. He needed to stop this habit of not brushing his teeth. It was getting gross.

“Have you never heard of your finger?” Dan said.

“Of course I have,” Phil said, “But why would I do that?”

“S’ alright. I think I have an extra in my bag,” Dan pushed himself up off of the bed, walking over towards his suitcase. Phil watched him from his seated position on the bed.

“Why?”

“I don’t know. I just threw it my suitcase when I was packing,” Dan shrugged, “I only packed like, 30 minutes before the trip.”

“What? That’s so little time!” Phil was thoroughly shocked, “What happened?”

“I dunno. Just procrastination, I guess,” Dan laughed, finding the toothbrush and throwing it at Phil, “We should probably do this now because I feel like passing out.”

They made their way to the bathroom, which was relatively large. They worked like clockwork. They both wetted their toothbrush and then Dan grabbed the toothpaste, smearing on a little before handing it to Phil. It had an energy to it, everything about it. The way that they looked, standing in the mirror right next to each other, the quiet sound of the bristles replacing conversations. Phil felt those feelings that he had felt in the dressing room in Taipei: intimacy, a sort of ease. They didn’t talk to each other, but they started to make faces a bit at each other, sending each other into giggles.

They then, without conversing, they went back into the room and got into the bed. They both shed down to boxers and teeshirts (Phil didn’t feel comfortable just going only boxers). Phil felt strange as if there was a weird intimacy tied to this situation, but he repressed it. This was just bros being bros right? This meant nothing. It couldn’t mean anything.

Phil settled down into the bed and a few seconds later, Dan joined him. The bed was large so they weren’t touching, but Phil could still sense that Dan was there. It made him feel a little woozy and his stomach felt all fluttery, which seemed to be a common theme throughout the night.

“I’m going to turn off the light,” Dan said.

“Alright,” Phil said, pulling the covers up to his chin.

The light then went out. They laid there for a few seconds in silence, the quiet whirring of the AC unit filling up the lack of noise. Phil felt on the verge of sleep, nearly drifting away from just the darkness. However, before he could fall asleep, Dan spoke up.

“Phil,” 

“Yeah,” Phil grunted more than said.

“Thanks.”

“You’re welcome.”

They dropped into silence again for a minute. Since Phil’s inhibitions were down and he was too darn tired to care, he spoke up. He felt driven to, after all; maybe it was his subconscious telling him to do so.

“Dan,”

“Huh?”

“Are we friends?”

“Something like that,” Dan sounded amused, “Yes. We’re friends, Phil.”

“Good,” Phil said, a smile on his face as he fell asleep quickly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow! it's been a full two weeks! i hope you all have had a good life since i last updated. i'm sorry that updates are less frequent now, but it really helps me out and puts less stress and pressure on me. also, i can give y'all chapters that i feel proud of, like this one!
> 
> fun fact, i wrote most of the chapter to the electric boogie. besides that, hope you enjoyed reading. let me know what you think if you feel propelled to and if not, i will be back in two weeks with the next update! thank you!


	12. Sydney, Australia

**Dan: **could I ask you for a favor

Phil had just finished setting up and performing all of his pre system checks. He had become so accustomed to his lightboard, it almost felt like an extension of himself. He was happy to have the board as a constant; no matter what venue they went to, it was always there, with a large piece of painters tape on it that read “Phil” in bold sharpie and then scratched in pen “is amazing”---he was 99% sure that PJ had written that in. Besides that though, the show changed with every venue. However, this show was far unlike any other. The Sydney Opera House had different rules when it came to lighting: they had their instruments and lamps that they wanted you to work with, rather than bringing in and installing your own. They had good equipment, but it meant that Phil had to reprogram the whole show--Lizza had let him know this way beforehand in their pre-tour meetings. Surprisingly, it was pretty easy. Phil knew the cues so well, he barely had to reference his cue list. It did slow him down that he didn’t know the addresses of all of the specific lights he needed, but he still finished with ample time to spare.

When he finally finished, he pushed back from the board, staring out at the concert hall, in all of its glory. It was completely maddening that they were playing at the Sydney Opera house. Nothing could’ve prepared Phil for being there. Gorgeous, vaulted ceilings with curved wooden panels, all leading up towards the stage. Lights trickled down from the panels above, low hanging circle lights adding a sort of intimacy to the otherwise gigantic concert hall. The size of this venue was similar to ones they had before---sitting about 2,000 people---but this venue was unlike any other. Legends had played there and Phil felt so odd just being so close to such an aura.

Phil was surprised when his phone buzzed, taking him out of his observation of the venue. He hadn’t been expecting anyone to text him. However, when he saw that it was from Dan, he immediately started smiling. He and Dan had been texting a lot more since they hung out in Perth, which was bizarre in itself. They usually only texted at night. Phil wasn’t expecting it, but he wasn’t complaining.

**Phil: **what?

**Dan: **could you get me a coffee? I can’t go out and get one bc i can't be seen leaving the venue

Phil sighed.

“What’s up?” PJ asked from his position behind the board. He was probably just about to go into a preliminary soundcheck with the sound technicians onstage.

“Dan wants me to go get him a coffee,” Phil sighed, looking at the message. Getting up and going somewhere sounded exhausting, but at the same time, he felt obligated.

“Dan? You’re texting with Dan?” PJ sounded shocked, fully looking away from the soundboard and up at Phil.

“Yeah? Why?” Phil said somewhat quietly. He felt weird, vulnerable even. He didn’t know why PJ was acting so disgruntled. It wasn’t like Phil had done anything wrong; he was just talking to someone, right?

“I know you two were civil now, but I didn’t realize there was more,” PJ shrugged.

“There is nothing more,” Phil said quickly, feeling his heart quicken a bit, “We’re just friends.” He felt the need to completely quell any sort of suspicion PJ might have had. However, it was the wrong move, for PJ looked even more skeptical after seeing Phil's reaction.

“I wasn’t implying that there was anything more,” PJ said slowly, “Last time I knew, you two just were agreeing to not fight anymore. Is there something I should know about?”

“No,” Phil said, looking down at the board, “We’re just friends.”

“Alright, if you say so,” PJ sighed, “It’s just strange to think you two are friends.”

“It was weird at first for me, too.”

“Figures,” PJ nodded, looking up at Phil, “well, what was he asking you again?”

“If I can go get him a coffee.”

“Why’s that?”

“He can’t leave the venue. Something about getting recognized,” Phil shrugged. It seemed reasonable enough to him. Dan could barely leave the venue before getting mobbed by fans. At least Dan was self-aware enough to know that.

“That makes sense,” PJ said, “Doesn’t he have an assistant or something that can go get it for him?”

“I don’t know,” Phil trailed off. PJ was making a good point; the act usually a team of assistants to help them. It would make more sense to use that instead of Phil going. But he felt like he had to go---Dan must’ve specifically asked him for a reason. Besides, it didn’t feel like that much of an ask of Dan; surely Phil could manage to do one nice thing for him.

“Why don’t you ask him?”

“I can just go get one for him. It’s not that big of a deal,” Phil said. He wanted to go. So much so that he was already starting to get up, slipping his phone into his back pocket.

“Really? Are you sure?” PJ asked, raising an eyebrow.

“It’s really no problem. I mean, I am finished up here and we don’t have sound check for another 30 minutes,” Phil said, “Do you want anything Peej?”

“Green tea would be lovely if you could manage,” PJ nodded, turning back to his board.

“Sure thing,” Phil smiled, feeling his stomach flutter a little bit as he rushed out of the lighting booth.

\---

Dan told Phil to meet him in the wings, specifically the stage right upstage wing. Phil, drink in hand (he left PJ and his in the booth) maneuvered down to the stage. The venue was even larger than he imagined from his position in the booth. Passing by all the rows of seats, he realized that yes, the opera house was gigantic. It was strange to think that they would be playing there later, too. When he imagined the Sydney Opera House, he thought of symphonies and orchestras and things that sophisticated people came out to golf clap at. Apparently ‘the dreamx’ fit that description of eclectic music. It wasn’t Phil’s place to judge, though.

When he finally got to the stage, he found his way to the wings relatively quickly. It felt strange to stand on the stage, even though he was in the wings. Iconic people had stood there in history and now there was Phil, standing amongst the dark curtains. He decided to not focus on it, for it left him with an unsettled feeling. Also, the crew was running around, but no one was questioning why he was there. It felt kind of like he was infringing on something, but he decided to just persist. Within a minute or so, he wasn’t waiting.

“Coffee!” He heard Dan say, causing him to turn around. What he saw was Dan rushing towards him, a wide smile on his face and hands reaching out to grab the coffee. Phil immediately started to smile at the sight. Dan's eyes were all crinkled up and sparkling; how could Phil not smile at that?

“Hello to you too, Dan,” Phil rolled his eyes, handing Dan the cup. He was trying to hold back a smile of his own; Dan’s enthusiasm was contagious.

“Thank you so much,” Dan said, looking Phil right in the eye, “You’re literally an angel.”

Phil felt a little heat in his cheeks at that. Why did Dan sound so sincere about it?

“No problem,” he looked down a bit.

“You saved the show, Phil,” Dan said after taking a long swig of coffee, “I got like, zero sleep last night.”

“Aww, why's that?”

“I went out and I stayed out late,” Dan shrugged. Phil already knew what that meant, but he decided not to comment. He felt a little rush of anger at what Dan was implying, but he tried not to think about it. _ Get a grip, Phil. _Dan was allowed to do whatever he wanted. He could sleep with whoever and Phil had no say over it. However, that didn’t stop another part of him from being furious.

“Oh,” Phil said flatly.

“What were you up to last night?” Dan asked, looking at Phil over the coffee lid. He didn't pick up on Phil's anger, which was probably for the better. Phil immediately softened when Dan asked him about his night, trying to remember what he even did.

“Not much. Sleeping. Listened to Muse. Called a friend from back hom-”

“You listen to Muse?” Dan asked. His eyes were wide.

“Yeah? I love Muse.”

“What?”

“Muse is my favorite artist,” Phil shrugged, looking down slightly. What was so bad about liking Muse? He felt kind of ashamed of his Muse obsession now. Just kind of, though.

“Why didn’t you tell me this before?” Dan smiled, playfully slapping Phil. Phil felt a little burst of energy where Dan's hand hit, which reverberated through his body.

“You said that you just listen to instrumental stuff.”

“Did I?” Phil asked, “I must’ve blanked. I listen to them all the time.”

“Interesting," Dan nodded, "I love Muse as well. I can't believe you didn't tell me."

"Sorry," Phil said. He was still taken aback a bit by what Dan said earlier---he remembered their conversation in Singapore? That made his stomach feel a little lighter than it already was feeling.

“You remember that?”

"What?" Dan asked, taking a sip of coffee.

"What we talked about in the bar in Singapore," Phil said.

“Of course. That was a wild night,” Dan chuckled.

“It was, wasn’t it?” Phil said, giggling as well. He was glad that Dan also found it peculiar. 

“Yeah. Good, though,” Dan said, meeting Phil's eyes. Dan's eyes seemed extra happy this time, which just made Phil's chest feel even lighter.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

Phil was about to say something but was cut off by someone in stage blacks coming up and tapping Dan on the shoulder. Dan seemed surprised, his smile faltering as he turned around to face them.

“Dan,” the stagehand said, “wardrobe needs you.”

“Alright,” Dan said, clearly moving to follow after them. He looked back at Phil, offering a small smile.

“Bye.”

“Bye,” Phil said and Dan smiled even bigger, turning away to walk with the stagehand somewhere backstage. Phil watched his receding figure until they crossed behind a curtain.

Phil didn't know what it was, but whenever he spoke to Dan or thought about Dan, he felt soothed. His face immediately would crease up into a smile and he would feel feathery, even. No matter how much he tried to be normal or just ignore it, it was consistently showing up. Dan was invading his thoughts, with his wide smile and pretty brown eyes. Phil was really reluctant to that realization, though. It wasn't healthy to be daydreaming about something that wasn't feasible at all. He knew, objectively, that allowing himself to think in this manner was, ultimately, going to hurt him. However, he stood there for far too long, just thinking about how Dan's stomach looked under his black crop top and how the pink eyeshadow brought out the light in his eyes. He didn't know how long he stood in the wings, just lost in his thought, but before he knew it, he realized that the world was still moving around him. Stagehands and sound techs and several managers rushed around the stage, doing work. Which is probably what he should've been doing. _Shit._

Just as Phil was about to leave, he heard a loud voice right next to his ear, causing him to jump.

“Philly!” Louise said loudly.

“Geez, you scared me!”

“I feel like I haven’t properly talked to you in forever!” Louise giggled, giving Phil a proper hug. It felt nice; Louise gave good hugs.

“It’s only been a week,” Phil said, rolling his eyes but still smiling.

“Too long,” Louise said, letting Phil go, “Why are you down here, anyway?”

“Dan asked me to go get him coffee,” Phil nodded, putting his hands in his pockets.

“Oh really?” Louise had a small smirk, “You both have been getting rather chummy, haven’t you?”

“I guess,” Phil said. He felt only the slightest bit of a blush coming on.

“I knew you two would get on!” She grinned.

“Yeah.”

“He’s so lovely. A little shit, but I just love him so much,” She sighed, smiling widely, “You said you grabbed him coffee?”

“Yeah,” Phil didn’t understand why other people were having such a hard time picking up on that.

“Oh. He usually has Eloise do that,” Louise said, more quietly than she had before. Her smile faltered a bit and she looked down as if trying to piece together what had happened.

“It was no problem, really,” Phil felt the need to reassure Louise, “I would’ve just been sitting in the booth until soundcheck started. It’s no big deal.”

“Hmmm,” Louise said, turning and looking Phil dead in the eye, “is there, perchance, something that neither of you is telling me about?”

“What?”

“It just seems odd that he would ask you,” Louise said, shrugging and crossing her arms, “Phil, you can trust me. What’s going on with you two?”

“What do you mean?”

“Dan has told me that you two are friends, I just didn’t realize you were that close,” Louise said a little more quietly, “Is there something else there, Phil?”

“No,” Phil practically sputtered.

“Come on, Phil. You can tell me the truth,”

“E-” Phil started to say but was immediately cut off.

“Soundcheck in 5,” Marcy, the stage manager, said as she was walking by.

“Thank you, 5,” Phil and Louise said simultaneously. Phil felt immediately relieved; how much longer would he have had to do that? He wasn't prepared to be interrogated by Louise, especially on something he hadn't done. Louise just looked cross.

“I better get up there,” Phil nodded. He didn't want to continue their conversation.

“We’ll talk later, Lester,” Louise said.

“See you later, Louise,” Phil completely steamrolled over Louise’s remark, smiling and turning to walk briskly back to the booth. He didn't want to talk about it later, but he was sure that Louise would find some way to get him to talk.

_Why is Louise being so insistent,_ Phil wondered. He didn’t understand why so many people seemed to be befuddled by the fact that he and Dan were friends; didn’t everyone want them to get along just weeks ago? It made no sense that now that he and Dan were friends, everyone was suspicious. Phil knew they were only friends and it was so strange that he had to defend that standpoint. _ You wish you were more, though, _Phil’s thought invaded, which he immediately pushed away. Why was he thinking like that? He needed to gain control of his thoughts, for they were getting more and more insistent and persistent.

He didn’t even admire the opera house on his way up, walking with his head lost in thoughts. When he entered the booth, he sat down almost on autopilot, his head still lost in the clouds. It was PJ who finally brought him back down to reality.

“Marcy just called for places,” PJ said, not looking away from the stage. Phil, hearing this, immediately snapped out of it and started waking up the computer.

“Where have you been?”

“Just dropping Dan’s coffee off,” Phil muttered, taking his spot and preparing for preshow, his finger hovering over the “GO” button.

“For that long?” PJ sounded skeptical, “You and I both know that’s not true.”

“Whatever,” Phil said, and just as he was saying that Lizza started talking over the headset, cueing them into soundcheck. That quelled their conversation pretty fast.

Preshow soundcheck seemed to go by so much faster than it had before. Phil hit all of his cues pretty well and the rest of the show seemed to be running great. During the music portions, Phil couldn’t help but focus his attention on Dan, which seemed to be the trend that had formed. It wasn't difficult though, for Dan had such a stage presence that demanded attention; Phil was merely falling subject to it. As he followed Dan around with a remote-controlled spot, he thought about the Dan he knew. It was weird that the same person that completely owned the stage was the one who was playing Mario Kart with him the other night. They seemed like such different people, but Phil knew they were the same person. _The duality of man, _Phil chuckled to himself.

Before he knew it, soundcheck was over. As soon as Lizza said that lights and sound needed to go to preshow, Phil signed off headset and rolled back from the board. He took out his phone to check the time, but before he read the time, he saw that he had a message. When he saw who it was from, he couldn’t help but smile.

**Dan: **come over later?

Phil shook his head slightly while typing out his answer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry it's up a little late, guys! midterms are this week and i have been pretty busy studying for those. however, i got the chapter done and to you. what do you think? let me know. we're a little past the halfway point of the story, which is pretty exciting!
> 
> alright i hope you have been having a good life for the past two weeks and i wish you love and happiness for the next two weeks! thank you so much for reading :)


	13. En Route to St. Petersburg, Russia

Phil woke up to the sound of his alarm blaring. He groaned, blindly searching for his phone on the bedside table. When he finally grabbed it, he opened his eyes a tiny bit, swiping the blob that looked like the alarm off. He then tossed his phone to the side and rubbed his eyes. He felt like someone had hit his head with a lead brick. It was hard to keep his eyes open, as he propped himself up on the bed. His hair was most likely a mess and he couldn’t see anything. He grabbed his glasses from the side table and looked out the window, which was still twinkling with the city lights of Sydney. _ It should be criminal to make someone get up at this hour, _Phil thought bitterly. He didn’t even feel properly conscious or coherent, as if he was almost hallucinating.

He took his phone from the bedside table, checking just to make sure it was still _ 5 AM. _He wasn’t expecting to see any missed messages, but surprisingly, he saw a message from Dan. Immediately, he perked up out of his daze, a little rush of something flowing through him. 

**Dan:** get ready for the fucking hell flight

He grimaced when he read the message. He hadn’t remembered yet that morning that the reason he had to get up was to catch a flight. Not just any flight, though. The next flight they were going to be on was 18 hours on a plane, 22 hours total traveling time. Additionally, they needed to be at the airport at 6 AM. Usually, their commutes weren’t too bad, but this was guaranteed to be hell. What was he supposed to do? That was a full day in the air where he was stuck in a small tube crowded with other people. However, he had known about this flight since he signed up for the gig, so he figured he had no reason to complain. Still didn’t make it a pleasant experience. Especially because he was starting to be hungover from the night before. Why had he thought that going out the night before to be a good idea? It seemed like it would be fun when Louise had told him that PJ, Sophie, and the band were all going to go out, celebrating the little freedom they had before the plane ride. He didn't even know how or when he got back that night. Surely he only got a few hours of sleep. He tried to think of how he got back, but he couldn't come up with anything after a few hours at the bar. He sure was a dumbass. However, all he could do about that was take a couple of ibuprofen, drink a glass of water and hope for the best. Luckily, when he did so, he started to feel less like shit. Or, as much as he could that early in the morning.

There was a general reluctance at the airport when they finally arrived. No one was excited about being up so early. Most of them had adapted their sleeping schedules to accommodate the late nights they had to work, so no one was finding it easy to be awake. The touring company had booked an entire plane since apparently they needed that much room to ship the act, all the various tech crews, and the equipment. They usually just took regular planes that were open to the public, but the horrendous journey warranted the company needing to pay a bit of extra money. No one seemed excited. Even Marcy, who would try to make light of every situation, was grumbling at the prospect of being on a plane for that long.

Phil was sitting across from PJ and Sophie in an uncomfortable airport chair, staring at the ground and willing his brain to wake up. They had gotten coffee, but it was almost in vain since the caffeine hadn’t kicked in yet. He stared at the ground, looking at the beige swirls of airport carpet as if they were some sort of masterpiece.

“Hey guys,” Lizza said, causing them to look up. Her messy bun looked messier than usual and her makeup was smudged under her eyes. She looked just as dead as the rest of them. Phil chuckled at the thought.

“You guys look like shit.”

“Thanks,” PJ said, yawning, “so do you.”

“We’re boarding the plane now. Grab your stuff,” she said before walking off sluggishly. It took a bit for Phil, PJ and Sophie to get out of the seats. However, within a minute, they had grabbed their stuff and were stood in the queue.

"Why did we think that going out was a good idea?" Phil groaned.

"I don't know, but we did it, Phil," Sophie sighed, "You can stop repeating it every 10 minutes."

"My head feels like it's splitting open," PJ grumbled.

"Did you take any ibuprofen?" Sophie asked.

"No."

"Here," Sophie reached into her pocket, pulling out a small packet, "It'll make you feel better."

"Thanks," PJ said, taking the pills and stepping forward since the queue was moving. Phil just stared at the ground, a little out of it, but still listening to the conversation.

“Isn’t it stupid that we still have assigned seats, even though it’s just the company?” PJ said, slinging his backpack off his shoulder to grab the ticket. This got Phil to look up, pulling out his ticket.

“Yeah. It’s probably for accountability or something like that,” Sophie shook her head.

“What’s your seat, Peej?” Phil asked, looking down at his ticket. He hadn’t even compared his seat with PJ yet, which was usually the first thing he did during a flight. He was too tired to think of it. Besides, he and PJ always sat together. Why would this time be any different?

“36A” PJ responded, looking over at Phil’s ticket already to compare, “Sophie’s is 36B.”

“Wait,” Phil looked at his ticket number, “31B”

They looked at each other.

“What happened?” PJ said.

“I don’t know,” Phil said, his brain still processing the situation. They had reached the front of the line and Phil had his ticket scanned. He was half unaware of it even happening though, for his brain was truly perplexed. Why would their seats be split up?

“Just sit there for the takeoff. I’m sure I can coerce whoever is next to me to switch with you,” PJ nodded as they walked down the connecting ramp, slinging his backpack over his shoulder.

“Alright.”

“That’s so strange,” Sophie said.

“I know. I’m sure it was a mistake,” PJ said, “You haven’t filed a complaint about me, have you?”

“Yes, I have,” Phil tried to play into it, but was too tired to think of anything witty to say.

“With your mum.”

“Come on, that was bad,” PJ rolled his eyes, but he was still smiling.

They walked onto the plane, which already was busy and scattered with all sorts of show equipment. However, it didn’t look like it was too crowded. The crew was expansive, but then again, the plane wasn’t small either. 

“Okay. You don’t have too much fun without us, alright?” PJ chuckled, patting Phil’s shoulder once they had reached Phil’s seat.

“I’ll try not to,” Phil shook his head, grinning.

He took his seat in the middle seat, placing his backpack in front of him. The middle seat was the absolute worst. The aisle had accessibility and the window seat had views, but in the middle seat, you were almost guaranteed to have a bad time. It was unpleasant, thinking about who he was going to have to sit by. Normally, he’d have plenty of notice before stuff like this, but he wasn’t good with it changing that quickly. However, he was an adult, and you just had to deal with shit like this all the time.

He couldn’t help but wonder who he was going to be sat by. Was it going to be someone from the crew that he knew? Would it be a stagehand he hadn’t met yet? His head was buzzing with questions, caught up in all of the possibilities.

“Phil?”

Phil whipped around his head to see Dan, in a black skeleton cropped sweater and a black travel pillow around his neck. He looked surprised to see Phil there.

“Dan,” Phil said. He wasn’t prepared for seeing Dan that morning, but he was thoroughly enraptured by his beauty. It wasn’t fair; it was nearly 6 AM, yet Dan still had that effortless messy curly hair and his skin was still glowing. It was already hard for Phil to think, but Dan wasn’t making it any easier.

“Are you sitting here?” Dan asked, pointing at the row number above the seat.

“Yeah, why?”

“I am 31A,” Dan said, flipping the ticket around. Phil read the ticket and sure enough, 31A was printed loud and proud.

“Oh really?” Phil’s eyes widened. Out of all the options for who it could be, he was not expecting it to be Dan at all. Wouldn’t they put the act together? That seemed more reasonable. Phil was at a loss for words, so the conversation fell to silence for a couple of seconds. Phil scattered brain was struggling to come up with words as his eyes were caught on Dan's fucking collar bone, which was peeking out from beneath the sweater. Phil finally came up with something to say when he looked away from Dan’s glowing skin.

“What a coincidence.”

“I know. I don’t know what happened,” Dan chuckled awkwardly. He looked a bit uncomfortable, scratching the back of his neck. He looked up and down the plane as if searching for somewhere else to go.

“Yeah,” Phil said. Dan seemed like he didn’t want to sit by Phil. Which was fine. He shouldn’t feel bad about that. He still couldn’t help how his heart fell at the comment, though.

“I mean, I can switch out with Louise or something-”

“No, it’s fine Phil,” Dan said very quickly, starting to make his way into the seat, brushing past Phil.

“Are you sure?” Phil said, trying to not stare at Dan’s cute belly as he passed right by him. He felt guilty and embarrassed. If Dan didn't want to sit by Phil, he shouldn't have to. Even though that made Phil's heart pang.

“Phil, it’s just a plane ride. It’s not a death sentence,” Dan plopped into the window seat, already making himself comfortable.

“I’m glad you’re comparing sitting by me to a death sentence,” Phil chuckled defeatedly.

“Shut up, you know what I mean,” Dan laughed airily, “It’s been a morning.”

“Yeah?” Phil looked up to meet Dan’s eyes. They were just as soft and warm as always. _Fuck. _Phil wasn't ready for that so early in the morning.

“Yeah.”

“Well, get ready for the longest day ever,” Phil said, leaning back in his seat, sighing defeatedly.

“Truly.”

**-2 hours in-**

“Are you kidding me!” Dan said, throwing his phone to the side.

“Yes!” Phil grinned. He was finally ahead of Dan in Mario Kart, with a good lead too. They had already played an absurd number of rounds, to entertain themselves.

They had started the ride by listening to music and not talking. It still felt awkward and Phil was micro analyzing everything that he had ever said to Dan. He didn’t think that they had left their last interaction on a bad note, but Dan was making it seem like it was not the case. Had he done something? Had he forgotten to do something? He was trying to think about the last time they had been together, but his mind was just drawing a blank. Surely he hadn't done anything horrendous, right? Phil had no idea. But he couldn't relax, ever aware of Dan's every movement. It was an uncomfortable time for Phil, to say the least.

However, at one point, Dan had just taken out his earbuds and suggested playing Mario Kart. Then, things felt light and easy again. Phil was grateful that the dynamic had returned to that.

Dan had annihilated Phil every single round. Phil remembered how good Dan was when they played in Perth, but he seemed to have an inaccurate recollection, for Dan was insane at the game. Perhaps it was because the last time they played had been in the wee hours of the morning. Phil wasn’t winning anything. Dan found it amusing, making fun of Phil as he easily slid into victory. Dan had become so cocky that he started to get lazy. He was barely looking at the screen, just laughing at how hard Phil was trying to beat him. However, Dan had been extra distracted that round, trying to go on his phone and scroll a bit through Twitter while they played just to make a point. However, it ended up affecting him more than he thought it would, which allowed Phil enough time to rise to 1st place.

“PHIL!” Dan yelled, focusing all of his attention on the screen.

“Shush! Some people are trying to sleep,” Phil said but was still really focussed on the game. He had a good lead to keep first place, but one minor mess up and Dan could overturn the standings.

“You….mother fluffer,” Dan gritted his teeth, seemingly trying with all of his might to somehow make his way in front of Phil. However, they were on the last stretch and it was a straightaway. There was almost no chance.

“Come onnnnnn baby,” Phil said, keeping his cart in a straight line to try and win. He started to smile involuntarily. He was going to win.

“No. No. No No No NO NONONONO!” Dan said as Phil pulled past the finish line.

“Yes!” Phil yelled, grinning wildly, “Take that.”

“That one didn’t count,” Dan groaned.

“It so did,” Phil looked at Dan, laughing.

“I can’t believe you won.”

“Come on, I’m not that bad.”

“Yes you are,” Dan chuckled.”

“Shut your...mouth,” Phil said cheekily, shoving Dan a bit.

“Whatever. One game out of a million is nothing,” Dan smiled, shrugging a little bit.

“Oh sure,” Phil rolled his eyes, “I’m going to use the loo.”

“Right, you aren’t just leaving off your high streak.”

“No I really do,” Phil started to get up, “I’ll be back in a second.”

“Alright,” Dan shrugged, already starting up the game on single-player mode, “I’ll be here.”

Phil made his way to the bathroom near the back of the plane. His legs felt fully asleep, so the first couple of steps were a struggle. Plus, his balance on a plane was always wonky, but he was fine enough. On the way, he caught PJ’s eye, causing him to slow down to talk to him.

“Hey guys! How are you?” Phil asked, stopping by their row and causing Sophie to look up from her laptop.

“We’re fine, but not as good as you, mate,” PJ said, nodding towards the front of the plane, “What are you two doing up there?”

“Oh. You already know I am sitting by Dan?” Phil said. He thought he was going to have to tell PJ of the weird coincidence, but wasn't prepared for PJ to already be aware.

“Yeah, the whole bloody plane knows,” PJ snorted, “What the hell were you two up to?”

“We were playing Mario Kart,” Phil chuckled awkwardly, “Sorry about the noise.”

“You two sound like you’ve been having fun, so it’s fine,” Sophie reassured him.

“Yeah, a little too much fun,” PJ snickered.

“Shut up,” Phil said, avoiding eye contact. He should have known that PJ wasn't going to let him hear the end of it.

“No big deal,” Sophie laughed. At least she was being kind to him, “Just what are the odds it would be the two of you put together.”

“I know it was so strange,” Phil nodded, looking up at the seat. He could see Dan’s curls peeking up over the top of the seat. Seeing that made him smile.

“It was almost like someone planned it,” PJ said deadpan, looking directly at Phil. It took a few seconds for Phil to realize what PJ was insinuating. He responded defensively and quickly.

“No it wasn’t me are you joking?”

“Seems suspicious,” PJ smirked.

“I didn’t do anything,” Phil rolled his eyes, “I need to use the loo, so see you guys later.”

“Leaving conveniently, but alright,” PJ teased as Phil was walking away, causing Phil to sigh.

**-4 hours in-**

“Is it bad that I am already tired of being on a plane and it hasn’t even been that long,” Phil said offhandedly.

“Phil! Really?” Dan said, “I thought you had more stamina than that.”

They had given up on Mario Kart after another hour but had continued to talk rather casually. The conversation just seemed to work between them and they were talking about things endlessly, the topics floating by effortlessly. Usually, Phil was drained from any conversation that wasn’t with people he knew well, but somehow he was holding a rather extensive one with Dan. It felt easy to talk to Dan. Yes, he was paying attention to the way that Dan laughed or what Dan found interesting, but that only made him want to talk to Dan more.

He was tired of being on the plane though. Stuck in a seat and breathing the same recirculated air. It’s strange how, in uni, he could study for hours in the library, barely leaving his spot, and yet, he couldn’t stand just sitting on a plane. Plus, he usually felt a little nauseous on planes. So overall? Not a fun time.

“I know. I just hate being in the air like this,” Phil said.

“Yeah that makes sense,” Dan nodded, “You’re in this tin can of air that is soaring hundreds of meters above the earth at hundreds of kilometers an hour. What could possibly go wrong?”

“Dan! Don’t make me think about that,” Phil shook his head.

“But it’s true,” Dan chuckled, “Probably not going to happen, but what if?”

“You’re just making it worse,” Phil sighed. He didn't need to be thinking of all the ways the plane could crash.

“To make you feel better, I wish I could say that if this plane came crashing down that I’d find a way to save you, but I know myself too well to promise that,” Dan looked out the window. There was still a joking tone in his voice, but there was a weight to his words.

Phil felt a large stir of butterflies in his stomach at that. The comment nearly knocked the wind out of him, leaving him gasping for air. He didn't even know how to take that. It seemed like such a powerful statement for Dan to say casually like that. Did he realize the implications? _Probably not_, Phil reminded himself, _don't try to make this something it's not. He's just joking. Don't put more meaning to it than that._

“Why do you say that?” Phil felt a bit of a lump in his throat. He was unsure if this was the right response. But, again, what was?

“In any crisis, I just freeze up," Dan chuckled, "I would be completely useless."

"Good to know," Phil nodded.

"But just know the thought is there," Dan snorted, looking out at the window.

"Noted," Phil said, trying to suppress his thoughts. It felt like his brain was shouting at him with conspiracies and questions. He wished that he could quell the noise, at least a little bit.

"Would you save me?" Dan looked back at Phil, cocking his eyebrow a little bit.

"Err..." Phil was still at a loss of words.

"Phil?" Dan said, "You're supposed to be a friend in this situation."

_ Yeah, Phil. A friend. _Phil tried to ignore the way his heart fell at that. _That's all he wants to be. A friend._

"Oh right. I would just become Thor and hammer you out of the plane," Phil made the hammer motion to drive home the point. This made Dan snort.

"Sure," Dan laughed.

"He and I are of...similar builds. I'm sure it wouldn't be hard to manage," Phil joked, his tongue sticking out of the side of his mouth mischievously.

"Oh really?" Dan snorted, "Show me then."

"You wouldn't be able to handle it," Phil retorted.

"I'm sure that's what it is," Dan shook his head, but was still smiling.

**-8 hours in-**

“Oh my gosh, we have 10 more hours of this ride,” Dan sighed. The provided meal had just gone by, which was depressing, to say the least. A tiny piece of chicken with soggy green beans and a cookie. Dan was even more at a loss, for he was a vegan. They gave him a piece of tofu, but it looked worse than what Phil had received. It was edible, but it was far less than astonishing. He and Dan had been griping about it; surely, the touring company that made millions of successful bands could pay for something better.

Before that, they had just been listening to music in silence, but it felt different than before. Instead of a tension that they had at the beginning of the plane ride, there was a sort of ease that came with being around each other. Usually, being around Dan would fill Phil with a kind of nervous energy, but this time it felt calming his nerves. He was still ever aware of Dan’s presence, but it was just making him happy instead of anxious. He figured this was a good new development.

“I feel so unproductive,” Phil sighed, “Like, I have all this creative energy and I can’t use it.”

“Sounds nice,” Dan snorted, “I haven’t been motivated in years.”

“In years? Come on, Dan,” Phil shook his head.

“What can I say, the lack of serotonin really gets to you,” Dan said dryly.

“Have you written any new songs recently?” Phil said, looking at Dan. He was surprised that Dan was looking right back at him, smiling.

“No, why?”

“Why don’t we write one right now?”

“Phil, that’s not how this works.”

“Why not?” Phil said, “Do you have anything to write with?”

Phil grabbed one of the napkins that came with their mediocre in-flight meal. Dan looked through his backpack and came up with a pen. He handed Phil it wordlessly but was still snickering a bit at the sight of Phil.

“What should we write about?” Phil asked, tapping the pen to his mouth.

“I don’t know, Phil,” Dan chuckled, “This was your idea.”

“What do you usually write about?”

“I don’t know,” Dan looked down, “Erm, usually my mental state or some sort of idea about society or some shit like that.”

Phil thought about those ideas for maybe a second.

“That’s not really fun though,” Phil was looking for a fun distraction, not something where he was going to get all mopey and personal. He enjoyed making other people happy, not griping about his problems. He did like Dan's songs 

“It’s not,” Dan seemed to think that everything that Phil said was the funniest shit ever.

“Why don’t people write songs about stuff besides love and partying and drugs?”

“I don’t know, Phil. I didn’t create the music industry.”

“This is harder than I thought,” Phil sighed, his pen hovering over the napkin.

“You think?”

“Yeah,” Phil said, starting to fall deep into concentration. What did he have that was new or interesting to say? How did you even come up with anything for a song? He had no idea what he was doing. Dan was watching him too, which made him a little bit nervous. He put the idea out there, now he had to do something. However, he was suddenly struck with an idea.

“What about dogs? No one ever writes about dogs,” Phil said excitedly, looking to Dan for validation. Dan was smiling widely, his eyes sparkling.

“Yeah?”

“Yes. The song is going to be about dogs,”

Phil stayed quiet for a bit, scribbling down ideas. Now that he had the premise, it was so much easier to come up with words. 

“What do you have?” Dan leaned a little closer to Phil.

“Erm,” Phil looked over the napkin, “Dogs are the greatest, so fluffy, amazing."

"Is that it."

"Err...yeah."

“Okay come on, we don’t want this to sound like a song for infants,” Dan shook his head, still smiling.

“We?” Phil was surprised to hear that Dan was using the word. Dan had seemed totally above the idea at first, but he seemed to be taking a liking to it.

“Yes. Isn’t this song is supposed to be a collaboration?”

“Yeah, I guess so.

“Well, I think we are pigeonholing ourselves with the dog theme,” Dan was seeming to get excited about it, taking the paper from Phil, “Maybe something centered around the idea of dogs. You don’t have a dog, do you?”

“No, I don't” Phil laughed, “If I had one, I probably would never stop talking about it.”

“Then what do you associate with dogs?”

“I dunno,” Phil said, “I never had a dog when I was a kid, but I wanted one badly. My grandparents had a dog, though. Its name was Bundle and it was the coolest dog ever.”

“Anything else?” Dan was writing furiously, not even looking up at Phil when he asked the question.

“Erm...maybe happiness. Family and… I dunno,”

“Okay this is great,” Dan was focussed, the pen moving like fire over the napkin.

“What does it make you think of?” Phil asked.

Dan didn’t respond, for he was too busy writing ideas on the paper. Phil tried to see what he was writing, but couldn’t see the writing because Dan was blocking it. So, he sat back, waiting for Dan to share what he had written. It took a few minutes, but sure enough, Dan was lifting the napkin to read it aloud.

“Okay listen to this,” Dan said after a bit, turning all he could towards Phil.

_ Maybe someday we can live in a home and call it forever _

_ With an old dog that drools when it’s happy _

_ And everything will be okay _

_ Life would be easy _

“What do you think?” Dan looked at Phil, scanning his face for approval.

“It's good," Phil said, "But who’s we, in this?”

Dan seemed to get a little flustered, which Phil watched intently.

“Oh, I don’t know. My future husband or long term boyfriend,” Dan was intently looking down at the paper, “Pretty far off future. When I have my life together and am living a pleasant life.”

“Having an old dog sounds nice.”

“Yeah?”

“It implies you had a dog for a long time before,” Phil shrugged, smiling cheekily.

“That’s true,” Dan nodded, “What kind of dog is your favorite?”

“Corgi’s,” Phil said immediately, “But any dog would be nice. Any dog is better than none.”

“An old corgi,” Dan nodded, ”The dream.”

“Yeah,” Phil said, his mind already wandering with the possibilities. Having a permanent house out in Fire Island, near his parents. Walking down the beach with an old corgi who is always happy. Yet, those dreams were invaded by dimples and warm brown eyes. Holding a hand as he walked the corgi. _ Goddamn it, Phil thought, I am too gay for this. _

**-15 hours in-**

“Attention passengers, we will be landing in around an hour. The sky is looking clear, so prepare for a smooth remaining hour of the journey. Thank you for flying with me. I hope the show goes well in Russia.

Phil woke up to the pilot speaking, realizing that he and Dan were leaning on each other. The plane seats were so uncomfortable that leaning on each other made it slightly more comfortable. Phil had been in a half-asleep haze for the past hour or so, in which he had put back the armrest between them, wrapped an arm around Dan’s waist, and rested his head on Dan’s (he probably wouldn’t have been that balsy fully awake). Dan wasn’t exactly shying away from it either, his head fully nuzzled into Dan’s chest. Phil was trying not to think too hard about how warm Dan was and how soft his breathing was. Even though he was now awake, he didn’t dare move, since he would wake up Dan. So, he stayed still, looking straight forward and trying to will his heart to stop beating faster. 

“This has been a harrowing journey,” Dan sighed quietly, not moving from Phil’s chest. Phil shivered a bit in surprise to hear Dan's voice. However, since Dan wasn't moving away either, Phil wasn't going to start that.

“We’re not even done yet,” Phil muttered.

“Yeah. But it’s still been awful,” Dan snuggled more into Phil’s chest, which made Phil’s stomach flutter.

“Has it really been that bad spending time with me?”

“No. Not that,” Dan was quick to clarify, “Just being stuck in the seat.”

“Glad to hear that talking to me hasn’t been the worst thing in the world,” Phil chuckled softly.

“You know Phil?”

“Yeah?”

“I know it’s technically only like, 5 PM, but it feels like it could be midnight,” Dan laughed quietly.

“Right? It definitely has that late-night vibe,” Phil nodded. The vibe on the plane was definitely sleepy and it felt similar to being at a sleepover where everyone was asleep and yet you and your friend find everything hilarious. Most everyone around them was asleep or trying to rest, so they were trying to keep quiet. However, it felt like Phil's inhibitions were down, which the precursor for any late-night conversation. Hopefully, he wouldn't say anything he would regret the next day.

“Like, I just feel like sharing all my secrets or something,” Dan chuckled lightly. He seemed to be aware of this lack of inhibitions as well.

“Makes sense.”

“I once sold an ax to a 13-year-old,” Dan said out of the blue. Phil chuckled, lifting his head from resting on Dan’s.

“Oh my god really?” Phil said hushed, slapping Dan slightly, “That’s so bad! How did that even happen?”

“I was too awkward to ask about it,” Dan laughed with Phil, bringing his sleeve up a bit over his mouth.

“In primary school geography, they told us that Australia was on the other side of the world to us, which made sense to me. What I didn’t understand was the concept of gravity and why these Australians weren’t flying off the earth into space.”

“PHIL!” Dan laughed, finally getting off of Phil’s chest. Phil was kind of saddened by this, but he decided to ignore the feeling for now. But now he could see that Dan's eyes were sparkling, filled with amusement.

“I was so worried for them! Why would people live there? I thought they’d have to wear some special...moon boots to keep attached to the floor.”

“Oh my god, Phil,” Dan laughed louder than they had been

“Shhh. People are trying to sleep,” Phil said, “Babies could start crying.”

“Are these the same ninja babies that were in that bar in Singapore,” Dan was still stifling laughter.

“Shut up. I still can’t believe you remember that,” Phil blushed a bit. He and Dan had been over this again and again. He still couldn't comprehend all of the details Phil said during the conversation. Sure, Phil had remembered the interaction as well, he just figured that Dan would have better things to remember.

“That was the first legitimate conversation we had,” Dan chuckled, “Of course I remember that.”

“I guess so, yeah,” Phil was kind of in awe of that.

“That was right after we made up,” Dan said, “Remember that we used to hate each other? What a wild era.”

“It was, wasn’t it?” Phil sighed.

"And now we're here," Dan nodded, "Is it weird that I feel like our friendship has grown just from this plane ride?"

"No," Phil shrugged, his heart falling a little at the word friendship, "I mean, 16 hours is a long time to spend with someone."

"I feel like I can tell you anything now," Dan said. Phil met his eyes. Dan started to smile, “Hey, guess what?"

“What?”

“I....feel like I shouldn’t be telling you this,” Dan looked towards the window, suddenly getting all nervous.

“Well you have to say it now,” Phil giggled a bit, smiling widely. His stomach felt a little more fluttery.

“No. Nevermind, it’s too embarrassing,”

“Dan!” Phil slapped him, “You mentioned it. You have to follow through.”

“Abuse,” Dan chuckled, “Alright fine.”

He then leaned in towards Phil’s ear, which Phil wasn’t expecting. He tried to keep himself calm as he felt Dan’s warm breath on his ear.

“I was the one who switched the seats.”

“What?” Phil could barely focus from reminiscing of Dan’s breath on his ear. How could something that tiny make Phil's stomach feel like exploding with flutters?

“Like the plane seats,” Dan said quietly, looking down and not making eye contact.

“You did?”

“Yeah,” Dan said, “I feel like I shouldn’t have told you that.”

“Why?”

“Because I wanted to talk to you, I don’t know,” Dan said quietly, looking out towards the window and crossing his arms. Phil felt his heart flutter a bit. Dan wanted to talk to him?

“Wait, then why were you being weird about it?” Phil recollected when they had gotten on the plane. Dan had seemed reluctant and not enthusiastic about sitting by Phil. Why would he act that way if he made the seats that way on purpose?

“I’m just awkward,” Dan muttered, “I didn’t want to seem too eager.”

“Really? I thought you didn’t like me for some reason,” Phil laughed, “You were making it seem like the worst thing in the world to sit by me.”

“Really?” Dan said, “I’m sorry about that.”

“You could’ve just talked to me, though,” Phil shook his head, smiling, “You didn’t have to make it a whole production.

“Shut up,” Dan was visibly flustered, “I just shouldn’t have said anything.”

“Maybe not,” Phil said, bumping his shoulder into Dan’s, his heart feeling light, “but thanks for telling me.”

“Whatever, Lester,” Dan rolled his eyes.

**-16 hours in-**

They landed in DOH in Qatar.

They left the plane, for they had 4 hours to wait at the airport. When Phil got out of the seat, his legs were practically asleep. Dan laughed at him when he got onto his feet and was wobbly, much like a baby giraffe. They were both tired, so the walk down the ramp was quiet, though they walked side by side. They then waited next to each other at the gate, tiredly watching everyone else get off the plane.

Phil felt like something had changed on that plane. Maybe it was being by Dan for so long or getting to talk to him extensively, but he felt like they were that much closer compared to when they started the flight. He had picked up on more of Dan's little quirks, like the fact that he was far more socially awkward than he seemed and that he was like "if Winnie the Pooh fucked Slender Man" (his words, not Phil's). It was going to be a little weird, not being by Dan's side for an extended period. Phil almost wished that the plane ride was longer so that he would be around Dan even more than he already was. However, the plane ride was over and it was time for them to go their separate ways. That didn't mean that they couldn't stand by each other at the gate, though.

Within a few minutes, PJ was walking up to them. Sophie must’ve had to go somewhere or do something for social media; she always was far busier than PJ or himself.

“Oh my god that was brutal,” PJ said, sighing defeatedly.

“I know,” Phil said.

"At least it's over," PJ said.

"Yeah," Phil said, looking over to Dan, who looked like he didn’t know who PJ was and what exactly he was doing. 

“Oh, I don’t know if you two have formally met. Dan, this is PJ, the sound technician. PJ, this is Dan.”

“Nice to meet you PJ,” Dan smiled warmly, holding his hand out for a handshake. _How classy of him? _Phil thought. This was a side of Dan Phil hadn't seen yet, the charming, polite boy from Southern England. Phil found it sweet.

“Nice to meet you too,” PJ smirked, taking Dan's hand and giving it a hearty shake, “Phil has told me all about you.”

“PJ!” Phil said, looking up and trying to will his face to not grow hot “I have not.”

“That’s a lie,” PJ snorted.

“Peej!”

“How was the flight for you, Dan?” PJ turned to Dan, “Philly here didn’t annoy you too much?”

“No it was fine,” Dan chuckled while Phil felt his face grow hot, “But being on a plane for 16 hours wasn’t exactly the most pleasant.”

“I know,” PJ said, “I wanted to cl-”

“Hey PJ! Hey Phil!” Louise said happily, practically skipping over. Phil wondered how she was always that bubbly. He couldn't help but feel a bit uplifted by her, though. 

“Hello Louise,” Phil smiled, “How are you?”

“I’m great, Philly,” Louise said, turning to Dan, “How are you doing, Danny boy?”

“Oh my god please don’t call me that,” Dan snorted, covering his face a bit. Phil's heart warmed a little bit seeing this.

“Dan, the band has to go to a meeting right now,” Louise said, causing Dan’s smile to fade, “Marcy just reminded us. We’re headed over right now.”

“Oh,” Dan said, looking over to Phil with a morose gaze. He looked disappointed to have to leave the conversation, which made Phil's heart feel a little warmer.

“So, we should probably get going,” Louise said, “I’ll see you later.”

“It was lovely to meet you PJ,” Dan said quickly, “And Phil, will I see you later?”

He seemed genuine. He had on a small smile and his eyes were all wide and soft. Phil felt his stomach flutter a bit at this. _As if I could reject that._

“Yeah, you can if you want,” Phil said quietly.

“Okay,” Dan said, smiling small, “Well then bye Phil.”

“Bye,” Phil said, returning the smile.

Dan and Louise then quickly walked away. However, before they disappeared down another hallway, Dan did turn around to smile at Phil. Phil smiled back, waving a little at Dan.

“And you say you’re not smitten for him?" PJ muttered.

"Oh shut up," Phil rolled his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh my gosh, guys! apologies for not posting in over a month! college just got the best for me and since i really prioritize school, this got put on the back burner (also this chapter is hella long and took me forever). HOWEVER, i finished it. plus, winter break is coming up, so i will be posting more regularly during my three weeks off.
> 
> that being said, did you like the chapter? if you did and would like to leave a kind word, that would be much appreciated. i feel like tinkerbelle in a way; every time someone leaves a kind comment on this story, i get the motivation to write more. i hope your life has been good since i last wrote and i will see you in 2-3 weeks. love y'all. thank you for reading.


	14. Copenhagen, Denmark

**Dan: **pls come to my dressing room i am literally so bored

Phil was just checking his phone after finishing his pre-show checks. He rolled his eyes, but couldn’t help but smile.

Ever since the plane ride of death from Sydney to St. Petersburg, they had been growing closer and closer. Dan had been coming to the excursions with PJ and Sophie and he and Phil had been playing video games in Dan’s hotel room for many consecutive nights. There was never a day where they didn’t talk or see each other. Dan was quickly moving past the friends category into the good friends' category, which was unprecedented for Phil. It usually took him quite a while to know someone. However, this accelerated friendship was proving to Phil that you don’t need years to become this close.

Phil’s feelings hadn’t gone away, unfortunately. If anything, they had more than doubled in intensity. Before he could get by having an interaction with Dan without even regarding how he looked and analyzing every movement. However, now whenever he spent time with Dan, he couldn’t help but pay attention to the way his eyes glimmered and his laugh and the way he moved his hands. When Dan was away, Phil was repeating the words that he said over and over again, thinking about the way Dan made him feel. His feelings were getting intense very quickly and Phil didn’t know how to stop himself.

Usually, it was clear to Phil when someone liked him or didn’t like him. In uni, there was a guy who he met in his writing class and within the first week, Phil knew that the lad fancied him. Months later, the guy confessed and Phil couldn’t help but feel like he had predicted it. His grandma was psychic and so it made him feel like he was some sort of superhero.

However, Dan was really hard to read. Although part of Phil was thinking _“come on, he’s famous, surely he doesn’t like you,”_ he also wasn’t dense. He knew that the way Dan looked at him and paid attention to him wasn’t normal. He felt like Dan did, in a way, fancy him. It was undeniable. However, there were also times that Dan would be uncomfortable when Phil said the tiniest flirty thing or when Dan would jerk away from Phil being so close to him. Phil would take these as signs of Dan's feelings just being platonic. But then moments later, Dan would say something suspicious or lean back into Phil. The cycle would then continue, with all of the signs conflicting with each other.

This sent Phil in a complete whirlpool of overanalyzing and trying to figure Dan out. He was obsessed, to say the least.

**Phil: **i have to do my job you know

Phil only had to wait milliseconds for Dan to reply.

**Dan: **i hired you

**Dan: **come entertain me pls

**Dan: **i have pizza

Phil rolled his eyes. However, he still pushed out of his rolly chair, slipping his phone in his back pocket. It wasn’t like he had much to do in the booth anyways. Surely he could just pop by for a little while.

“Where are you off to? Dan?” PJ asked, still staring at the stage where sound techs were testing the mics.

“Yeah.”

“Now Kickstand 2 please?” PJ said into the overhead mic, sending a sound tech to the other side of the drumset.

“Mate, you two are attached at the hip, I swear,” PJ chuckled, adjusting the channel that was attached to the mic while the sound tech tapped it, “Weren’t you guys just hanging out yesterday?”

“Yeah,” Phil said, “he said he was bored, so I figured I could just go for a little bit.”

“Sure,” PJ rolled his eyes, “You two are practically codependent.”

“Shut up,” Phil laughed.

“Sounds great. Can I have the hat mic?” PJ said over the mic, then turned to Phil, “Are you sure there isn’t something you aren’t telling me?”

“No, why would there be?” Phil said, feeling a little heat rush to his cheeks.

“Come on, Phil,” PJ rolled his eyes, adjusting the channel, “I’m not dense. There’s no way that you two are just friends,” he pressed the button for the mic, “Hat mic sounds great. Crash mic now?”

“Trust me we are,” Phil said a little darkly, crossing his arms.

“Hold on, Phil,” PJ moved the fader, making the crash mic slightly louder. He then turned the other knobs ever so slightly, which did not change how it sounded to Phil, but it must have to PJ, “Alright sounds great. Can we move over to lead mic now?”

Phil felt the want to tell someone. He knew it probably shouldn’t be from someone in the production; he should’ve rung his mum and confessed to her since she was still back in England and didn't even know who Dan was. However, at that moment, he felt the need to just confess. The words were almost coming up on their own as if they would be released at that moment, no matter who the company was.

“Do you promise not to tell anyone?” 

PJ visibly shifted. It took him a second before he even moved. Phil started to rethink his offer, but before he could back out, PJ was pressing the mic button.

“Please hold. There’s a tech issue in the booth that I’m sorting out. Hang tight, guys,” PJ said to the people on stage, then spinning fully to face Phil.

“So, you two are together?” PJ asked immediately. Phil almost got whiplash from how fast PJ jumped to conclusions.

“No,” Phil sighed.

“Then what am I promising not to talk about?”

“I have a thing for Dan.”

“That’s bloody obvious,” PJ snickered. He didn’t look the least bit surprised.

“Don’t make me regret telling you,” Phil glared a bit.

“What’s wrong though? I mean he looks over the moon for you as well.”

“That’s the problem,” Phil rubbed his hand over his face, “He’s sending mixed signals.”

“Like what?” PJ quirked an eyebrow.

“I don’t know,” Phil sighed, “He is flirty with me and looks at me and then he gets all weird and backs away from me. I don’t know where his head is at.”

“Maybe you should bring it up with him?” PJ suggested.

“Yeah. I just don’t want to make things awkward,” Phil looked down.

“It’s up to you, mate,” PJ shrugged, “If I were you, I would ask for the sake of my head, but it’s your discretion.”

Phil nodded.

“Thanks for telling me, though,” PJ said, “I have to get back to soundcheck, but best of luck to you.”

“Okay,” Phil rolled his eyes, “See you in a bit.”

“See you,” PJ smiled, turning back to the mic, “Alright, I got the issue sorted. Justin, can I get lead mic?”

Phil finally left the booth, checking his phone out of habit.

**Dan:** ?????

7 minutes ago

_ Yikes, that took longer than I thought it would _Phil thought. Before he started to walk down to backstage, Phil quickly texted back.

**Phil: **yeah yeah im on my way

With that, he put his phone in his back pocket and stumbled his way to Dan’s dressing room. It took him a few minutes since he didn’t know exactly where Dan’s dressing room was backstage. He eventually found the door that had _ Daniel Howell _taped on the front in curly letters with a little rainbow heart. _ He’s so fucking gay, _Phil chuckled to himself.

He opened the door to find Dan, leaning into the mirror. He looked up at the sound of Phil opening the door. His face looked more angular and defined than usual. He wore one of those silk floral robes and heels, of course. Dan smiled when seeing Phil, getting up and crossing over to him.

“Hey.”

“Hi,” Phil grinned but was suddenly hugged by Dan, which made his heart flutter a bit. Dan was kind of touchy and had taken a liking to hug Phil whenever he saw him. Phil was not exactly opposed to it.

“Where’s the pizza?” Phil asked as soon as Dan let him go since he didn’t see anything evidence of pizza around the room.

“How did I know that was what you were going to remember,” Dan smirked, walking back over to his position in front of the mirror, “I lied.”

“What?” Phil pretended to be shocked, following Dan further into the small dressing room, “I am disgusted that you would lie to me. Pizza is very important.”

“Desperate times call for desperate measures,” Dan shrugged, “I was so bored.”

“Why’s that?” Phil asked as he plopped down on an armchair sat right by Dan’s vanity setup. He instantly melted into it; it was way more comfortable than it looked.

“I dunno. Louise is usually in here with me while I get ready since I take longer on my makeup than she does, but she had to phone home. She hasn’t called her parents in a while and they were getting cross with her,” Dan shrugged.

“I get that,” Phil nodded, “I mean, if I didn’t phone my mum at least every week, she would definitely ground me.”

“Ground you?” Dan snorted, “Phil, you’re an adult. She can’t do that to you anymore.”

“Don’t underestimate her,” Phil went along with it, “I’m pretty sure I’m still grounded from when I tried to smoke when I was 12.”

“Really? You smoked when you were 12?” Dan smiled at Phil, light dancing across the brown irises, “What a rebel. Wouldn’t expect that from such a goody goody.”

“Shut up,” Phil rolled his eyes, “You’re mean.”

“That’s what I am here for,” Dan’s smile was wide enough to split his face. He looked down at the cluttered table, searching for something.

“What are you doing?”

“Just doing makeup,” Dan said, still studying the table, that was scattered with various powders and brushes and creams. Phil didn’t know what half of the products were and why anyone would need that many things to put on their face. However, he knew next to nothing about makeup, so he figured there was a reason.

“Why?” Phil asked,

“Because I have to do the show after this?” Dan chuckled, picking up a small brush and leaning into the mirror, positioning it on his eyebrow.

“Why do you have to put on the makeup though?” Phil asked, “I mean, you look fine without it.”

“Fine? Wow, Phil, that makes me feel great about myself,” Dan was making his eyebrow look darker and more defined, taking a dark brown powder and smearing it over his eyebrow. He had a slight pout as he leaned into the mirror, focussed on the task at hand. Phil couldn’t take his eyes off of the way that Dan’s eyes were slightly squinted in concentration or the way his skin looked soft under the light.

“Well, you’re better than fine.”

“Sure.”

“Dan, you know that you’re really pretty, alright?” Phil rolled his eyes, and Dan looked surprised, “I just don’t get why the makeup is a part of your brand. I mean, you look nice with it on, but you don’t need it.”

“That’s really sweet of you Phil,” Dan said slowly as if he was cautiously composing his sentence, “I dunno. I just like the expression it gives me. It also helps me get into the danieldreamx character.”

“Fair enough,” Phil said, slouching into the chair. 

Their conversation fell to silence as Dan continued to apply the makeup. From the armchair, Phil had a full view of Dan in the mirror. Usually, Phil might get bored watching someone else quietly doing something, but the way Dan was treating the makeup was with a sort of artistry. He was moving with such care and precision, placing the powder on his eyelid as if he was painting a masterpiece. It was practically mesmerizing to look at, for Phil didn’t know exactly what Dan was doing, but he saw the effects almost instantaneously.

However, his mind was still racing. He was ever so aware of the energy that Dan was giving off. Even though Dan wasn’t saying anything, Phil was trying to read his body language. _ Maybe you should bring it up with him? _PJ’s question from earlier came to Phil’s mind. It seemed reasonable when he was with PJ but now with Dan a meter away, there was absolutely no way that Phil could be that forward.

Once Phil got out of his head, he focussed back on Dan, but Dan was already meeting eyes with Phil in the mirror.

“What? Does something look wonky?” Dan said, raising an eyebrow.

_ Be brave, _Phil thought. _Be transparent._

“No, you’re just gorgeous.”

Dan made a kind of strained smile, chuckling awkwardly. He didn’t say anything, merely going back to painting his face. However, now he had sort of strange energy as if his mind was whirring as well. His face, instead of reading ‘easeful concentration’ now read ‘strained’. Phil’s heart sunk.

There was a weird tension that instantaneously set over the room. Instead of the calmness and peace that resonated before, it was as if the air was heavier and breathing felt strenuous. Phil hated the feeling, cringing at the way his skin felt like it was crawling. _ Why, why, why, why did you think that was a good idea? _Part of his brain howled. Panicked, he looked around the room to find a new conversation topic, so to alleviate a bit of his embarrassment. He was desperate, so he just said the first thing that came to mind.

“Why do your dressing rooms always look the same?”

“You do know they pack everything up and stuff?” Dan said, “Like, they take the same stuff and put it in whatever dressing room I have for the show.”

“Oh,” Phil said, “You would think that you would get a better chair.”

“Excuse me, that chair is great,” Dan was putting on a darker pink now, “I literally spend so much time in that chair. It has a crease in it because of that.”

“Oh. That explains it,” Phil tried to think of something else to add, but he couldn't come up with anything. 

The conversation faded again, but the energy was still present. Usually, awkward energy would dissipate with a new conversation, but things still felt forced. Phil had never felt this kind of uneasiness with Dan since usually, their conversations were effortless. _ You fucked up Phil _the same part of his brain was saying, causing Phil to feel like shit. Surely, one sentence couldn’t fuck their entire friendship up, right?

“Dan?” there was a knock on the door and what sounded like Lizza’s voice.

They both jumped as if they had been caught doing something. Which they shouldn’t have because nothing was happening. Maybe it was because she had popped the bubble that had set over the room. The tension fell like a deluge.

“Yeah?” Dan said, eyeing Phil.

“Preshow starts in 10 minutes,” Lizza said, “And please be on time. We have to program the new song.”

Phil widened his eyes at this. New song? All of his analyzing of before went out the window. He looked at Dan with a surprised expression.

“Thanks, Lizza,” Dan said, and the sound of her fading footsteps could be heard through the door.

“New song?”

“Yeah,” Dan looked excited, “After that plane ride where we wrote that little song, I was inspired. I finally wrote a new song. We haven't studio-recorded it yet, but we're going to play it for the audience”

“Wow. I helped you get inspired,” Phil grinned.

“More than you know,” Dan muttered. This caused Phil’s stomach to feel light. _How am I supposed to take that?_

“Can I hear any of it?” Phil leaned over to Dan as if they were sharing secrets.

“You’ll hear it at soundcheck,” Dan rolled his eyes, going back to working on his eyelids. 

“Come on, please?”

“No,” Dan smiled, taking the brush away from his face since his eyes scrunched up.

“Can I at least know the name?”

“Fine,” Dan rolled his eyes, searching for the correct powder to use amongst the numerable options on the table, “It’s called Cassini.”

“What?”

“Cassini,” Dan looked at Phil, “You know, like the NASA mission that put an orbiter around Saturn?”

“Wow. That sounds a lot smarter than the dog idea.”

“Eh, it not that sciency. It’s pretty conceptual,” Dan shrugged, “I'm surprised that you don't know about Cassini because you’re such a massive nerd.” 

“Hey,” Phil said, causing Dan to laugh. However, Phil couldn't help but smile as well.

\---

_ Spin me in circles, _

_ Perigee to apogee _

_ Your gravity _

_ Pulling on me _

_ Your heavenly storm _

_ I’m already torn _

_ Through space and time, _

_ I can only see your eyes _

Dan’s vocals practically floated over the slow, sultry background music. It was one of their slower songs, but Phil was fully obsessed with the new song. Lizza had given him full reign for the song, and so he decided to put on dimish lights and some colored lights that were blue and purple and looked spacey Saturn. He also programmed planet projections to shimmer in the background. It amplified the cool, smooth feeling of the song, which he figured the band was okay with. Dan hadn’t said anything about his lighting in a while. At this point in the production, Phil pretty much knew what Dan wanted(as far as lighting went).

Even though it was their 3rd run-through of the song, Phil was fully hypnotized by Dan. He watched Dan’s every move from the booth, the way that Dan was emoting and swaying his body ever so sultrily. Even before the first playthrough ended, Phil knew that this would be his favorite song of the setlist. For some reason, Phil connected to this song more than any of the other songs. It was deeper, brooding, and laced with meaning more than the others. Also, Dan seemed more emotionally invested in it. Even though his other songs were personal, but unlike before, Dan seemed to be pouring emotion into every word and movement. Phil wondered what the song was about, what made Dan so attached those lyrics.

_ I orbit around you _

_ I orbit, I orbit around you _

_ I orbit _

_ Plunge deep into you _

_ I orbit _

_ Try to send me away _

_ But I can’t help but stay _

_ I can’t go without you _

The last chorus faded out, and Phil could swear for the last few measures, Dan was looking up towards the booth.

“That sounded great guys. I think I got what we wanted,” Lizza said into the mic, pulling Phil out of his thoughts, “You guys can go now. House opens in an hour.”

“Thank you, house,” PJ and Phil said mindlessly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> howdy, y'all! thank you so so much for all the kind messages you left on the last chapter. i am sorry that i didn't respond to all of them (socialization is hard sometimes lol) but i loved them so so much and they really helped me get the motivation to crank this chapter out. so, thank you!
> 
> i will post a chapter next tuesday at 1 since i am on winter break (holla), so look forward to that. did you like this chapter at all? let me know in the comments if you feel so kind and inclined. thank you for reading this little fic and i hope that you all are staying warm, wherever you are. lots of love to you all.
> 
> (also i messed up a bit on the last chapter so im going to do some repairs so don't mind me if you get a notif or something lol)


	15. Prague, Czech Republic

Things hadn’t gotten any clearer. From Berlin to Brussels to Warsaw, he and Dan hadn’t mentioned anything. Sure, they continued to spend time with each other, but something was changing. Dan’s signals got more and more convoluted and Phil became more invested and obsessed. The only thing that had changed is that Dan stopped asking Phil to come over late at night to play video games and then have him sleep over---yes, Phil had noticed. In his heart, Phil knew that they were on the verge of something, but he tried not to think about it. He just tried to convince himself that he wasn’t as attached as he was. 

After they were done with soundcheck that day, Phil texted Dan. There was a party that night that the company was throwing and Phil wanted to see if Dan was going. He was sure that Dan would probably have to be there since it was his band after all, but he still wanted to check. _ Maybe we can go together, _Phil thought.

**Phil:** are you going to the party tonight?

Phil waited for a response, but nothing came. Dan was usually really good about texting back since he was always attached to his phone. Phil was expecting something. _ I guess he’s just busy, _Phil thought. Must’ve been talking to Louise or getting ready for the show. There should’ve been nothing to worry about---at least that’s what Phil told himself. So, he put his phone in his pocket and talked to PJ, passing the time that way.

When the show finally came, Phil checked his phone again. Still no answer.

The show went well. The audience was so thrilled to be there and the band gave a great performance. They went insane during Cassini, which was expected because it was the new song. Phil didn’t know why, but every single time the song was played, it felt visceral. He wished that he had a professional recording of it; the booth’s shitty audio that he recorded on his phone didn’t do the song justice. He could’ve asked PJ since he had the direct mic lines, but he was sure that PJ would just make fun of him. So he settled with his phone recording that he listened to more than he would like to admit.

Phil didn’t even have to think of the cues since it was all in his muscle memory. He couldn’t help but watch Dan, who was pouring everything into the show. He was so invested in the audience, interacting with them and capturing all of their attention. He owned each and every corner of the stage with a single look. It was incredible how he could be in front of all of those people and transform like that. Phil had never been ashamed to be in tech for the shows, but that night, he wished he could know how exhilarating it must feel to be on stage.

After the show, Phil checked his phone. Nothing. It was only after he had cleaned up the booth and was ready to leave that he got a text from Dan.

**Dan:** yeah maybe

Phil was thrown off by this answer. Dan had never texted Phil like this. Dan was always wanted to hang out and spend time together. He also knew when Phil was asking, even though Phil didn’t make it obvious; one time when they were together, Dan made fun of Phil for never outright asking to spend time together. Surely he hadn’t missed this one, right? Phil tried to shrug it off, but he couldn’t help but feel disappointed.

“Do you want to share a cab with Sophie and me?” PJ asked.

“For what?” Phil said quietly.

“The party?” PJ asked, slinging his backpack over his shoulder, “You are coming, right?”

“I think so.”

“Aren’t you excited?” PJ asked, smiling, “Free booze.”

“I guess.”

“Oh come on. Where’s your spirit?” PJ chuckled, slapping Phil on the arm.

“Sorry. Dan just blew me off,” Phil sighed, looking down at his feet.

“Aww come on, mate,” PJ chuckled, “You spend so much time with him anyway. Hang out with just us tonight. And Chris. It’s gonna be fun.”

“Yeah?” Phil looked up.

“For sure,” PJ said, smiling genuinely, “Were going to stay on the edge of the party and socialize with the rest of the company as little as possible.”

“Sounds great,” Phil couldn’t help but smile, “Thanks.”

“No problem, mate,” PJ nodded, “Now come along. Sophie is waiting at the front of the venue.”

\---

The purpose of the party was to celebrate making it another two months into the tour. Phil couldn’t believe that 3 months had already gone by. He thought it would be hard to transition into the nomadic lifestyle of hotel room to hotel room, but it was easier than he thought. However, he was missing the constancy of being in the same place, though it was getting easier and more natural as time went on. Things Phil thought he would miss, he didn’t miss that much. Sure, he missed seeing his friends, but he didn’t have that many at home and besides, they still had their phones. It wasn’t exactly as if he was isolated from them. Besides, his new friends had been great, so he wasn’t all that sad to not see them as often.

The party was at some company-owned house. The entire production team was there, which made it a rather large endeavor. Phil always forgot how large the team was until they were all assembled, but it was easily over a hundred people; the stage crew, the designers, the people working on marketing and booking, the ticket staff and plenty more people working on jobs Phil did not know of didn’t exactly amount to something small. As he looked around the room, he only recognized around a third of them, for there were lots of people who he never interacted with. Plus, some people brought dates, which meant Phil wasn’t for sure who worked for the tour and who didn’t. The house was rather large, but everyone was chatting and loud music was playing on the makeshift dance floor in one of the lounges. It was noisy, to say the least. Usually, lots of noise irritated Phil, but the liquor was easing his mind. 

Since the touring company provided them with plenty of booze, everyone was having a good time. You might think that the party would be awkward because they all worked together, but there was enough anonymity that Phil didn’t feel strange.

Phil was squished onto a couch with PJ, Sophie, and Chris in one of the lounges. Yeah, it wasn’t at the edge of the party, but they were facing an empty couch and a wall, which made Phil feel slightly better. They were all laughing at a story that PJ was telling. The night had been going on for a few hours and Phil had taken more than a few drinks. It wasn’t that often that Phil let go like this, but with free liquor and good company, he felt like he could. Besides, the next day was a day off in Vienna, so what did they have to lose? Everything felt smooth and easy. PJ was animated and though Phil wasn’t listening to the story, he was enjoying watching PJ’s facial expressions.

“Hey, guys!” A voice said behind them. PJ stopped his story and they all turned around to see Louise, wine glass in hand and a big smile on her face.

“Louise!” Phil jumped up and hugged her. He tended to get touchy when he was tipsy. He also definitely got headrush while standing up, but he decidedly ignored it.

“Hey Phil,” Louise seemed surprised, but still laughed.

“Missed you,” Phil chuckled, “haven’t talked to you in weeks. You’re so lovely.”

“Is that right?" Louise laughed, "You’ve had a couple, haven’t you?”

“Yeah,” Phil smiled, “Come. Sit.”

“Alright,” Louise said, sitting on the empty couch. This couch was facing the dancefloor and, though he cared before about not having to see the party, he just wanted to be by Louise. So, Phil sat next to her, leaning on her instantly. He grabbed her hand and interlaced his fingers with hers. She chuckled.

“I’m going to have to tell Liam about this.”

“I’m gay as shit, Louise,” Phil hummed.

“So I’ve heard,” she laughed.

“Yeah," Phil giggled, "Sorry, I get touchy when I’m drunk."

“I can tell,” she said, taking a sip of her wine, “It’s fine.”

“Where’s Dan?”

“Someone’s eager,” Louise snorted, “I dunno. You would think that I would know because I’m his best friend, but I rarely know where he is.”

“S’ weird to see you without him, Phil,” Chris joked, “He follows you around like a little puppy.”

“Shut up,” Phil rolled his eyes.

“I know,” Louise said, looking directly at Phil, “You’ve been stealing him away, Philly!”

“No I haven’t,” Phil slurred, adjusting himself so that he was more comfortable on Louise’s shoulder. PJ went back to telling his story, stumbling through because he wasn't with it. Sophie and Chris just laughed along. Phil gazed out at the party beyond the other couch. He watched as the other people danced to popular songs that Phil didn't know. Phil was sure a lot of people brought dates, for people looking like they were having a good time. He doubted that most of the company was wild or horny enough to grind on their coworkers. He laughed at the thought.

“How are your kids, Louise?” Phil asked, yawning. He didn’t know why he was so tired; he was usually up this late or later most nights. But for some reason, he was drained that night.

“They’re doing good! I’m really excited to see them once the tour is over,” Louise sighed, “I’ve missed them so much. But we only have some of Europe left, then Cape Town, then the US. Around a month and a half.”

Phil thought about it a bit. He hadn’t given it much thought. The tour would be ending soon. He didn’t have the mental capacity to even fully think about it, but it still made him feel weird. He barely could focus on the conversation and not be lost in thought.

“Darcy has been doing well in school, even though she’s a bit of a troublemaker. Pearl has been great too, but Liam’s been overworked with dealing with both of them. I love the fans and touring, but it’ll be nice to be home.”

“That’s good,” Phil nodded.

Phil focussed his eyes to look at the dancefloor again; this time, his gaze instantly hardened. He saw Dan. With another guy. Phil froze, jerking up from leaning on Louise. The other guy was dark and handsome, somehow taller than Dan and with a smile that glowed even when viewed a few meters away like Phil was. They swirled on the dance floor, smiles and smooth body movements. Phil was entranced instantaneously.

Phil felt his blood boiling as he watched them glide. He went silent. His face fell. His eyes narrowed. His breathing became shallow.

“What is it?” Louise said, leaning away from Phil to look in the direction Phil was glaring. The rest of the group sitting on the couch looked as well.

“How did I know that he’d bring someone?” Louise chuckled. This just made Phil feel angrier.

“Oh,” PJ said, turning to Phil with an honest gaze, “I’m sorry, mate.”

“What?” Louise said, turning to PJ.

PJ looked over to Phil, but Phil was still staring daggers at Dan. It was as if the room went silent and only he and Dan were present. Dan was looking at the guy with a smirk, swaying his body to the music. The stranger leaned in to Dan's neck, his hand sliding down Dan’s back. Phil wasn’t sure if the alcohol made him angrier or he was less furious than he would’ve been, but either way, he was utterly caught up in the scene in front of him.

Phil was hurt. A visceral pain that was searing. He had seen Dan dancing with a man once before, in Jakarta, but it felt like a lifetime ago. He was angry that Dan would do this right in front of him, that Dan had the nerve. If Phil wasn’t under the influence, he would remind himself that he had no control over Dan and that he could do whatever he pleased. However, no inhibitions were holding him and he could send full throttle into the eye of the storm.

The alcohol helped him take that action.

“Phil, are you alright?” Louise asked

“Phil fancies Dan. A lot,” PJ hiccoughed, but Phil wasn’t listening. Otherwise, he would have been bothered. Louise was Dan’s best friend, after all.

“Wait, really?” Louise said, her eyes widening “Is that true, Phil?”

“I’ll be back,” Phil didn’t hear any of the conversations, deciding to get up when he had enough of staring at the scene. He felt unsteady on his feet at first, but he was still determined. Even though the alcohol was making it difficult for him to walk, he was undeterred. If he was with it and was listening, he would’ve heard Louise say “he has a thing for you too, you idiot,” but he didn’t. He just determinedly walked over to Dan. Once he reached the dance floor, it wasn’t too hard to find them. He stood right beside them, crossed arms and a scowl on his face.

“Dan,” Phil said sharply, his grimace darkening.

“What?” Phil caught the attention of both Dan and the stranger. Dan looked surprised to see Phil there as if he had been caught doing something. He also looked surprised to see Phil looking so cold.

“Can I talk to you?”

“Sure?” Dan asked, turning and making eye contact with the hot stranger, “Give us a minute.”

“Alright,” The guy smirked, kissing Dan’s cheek, “don't be long, sweetheart.”

Phil felt like he was about ready to explode. He wanted so badly to punch that guy in the face, but even though he was drunk, he knew that he stood no chance to the man. He obviously worked out and was taller than Phil. He could beat Phil to a pulp in seconds. So instead, Phil took Dan’s arm hastily and led him to the edge of the dancefloor. His mind felt like it was whirling around with what to say to Dan. Part of him was tonguetied over the fact that Dan was wearing latex leggings that showed off his legs and a fucking black mesh crop top with stilettos. The reasonable part of him was telling him to just let Dan go back and leave the party. However, the majority of his brain was just an angry, hot mess. He tried to piece together words, to decipher his anger, but he was coming up with nothing.

“What is it?” Dan asked, raising his eyebrows when they had finally reached the other edge of the dance floor, near the walls. Phil was going to try to take this conversation strategically, but he couldn't choose his words wisely. So, they came stumbling out, slurred and clunky.

“Why are you dancing with him?” Phil got right to the point. He narrowed his eyes at Dan.

“Huh?”

“Why are you dancing with him?”

“Because I can?” Dan looked taken aback, confused that this was what Phil wanted to speak about, “Is there a problem?”

“Yeah,” Phil growled, “I don’t like it.”

He probably should've said something different, but he couldn't stop himself. The alcohol made the words flow freely.

“Wait, you don’t get an opinion-”

“You need to stop dancing with him,” Phil said.

“You don’t control me.”

“I don’t trust him,” Phil said quietly, looking over to the stranger and seeing that he was staring right back---of course he was.

“He’s trying to take advantage of you. My skin crawls seeing you two together.”

“Why do you care?” Dan said through gritted teeth, narrowing his eyes, “You said it yourself that you wanted no part in this.”

“Stop dancing with him,” Phil growled, stepping closer to Dan, “You’re gonna get yourself hurt.”

“I don’t care!” Dan shook his head, “You don’t get to say this! You have no right!”

“I do! As your friend-”

“Oh you with your ‘as a friend’,” Dan exploded, throwing his hands up “As a _ friend _, you can fuck off!”

“You’re making a scene, Dan,” Phil said, grabbing onto Dan’s wrists and pulling them down. Truthfully, he didn’t know if people were watching them or not, but he felt like Dan was overreacting.

“I don’t give a shit!” Dan snarled, breaking Phil's grip, “Leave me alone, Phil.”

“Fine. Sorry for trying to help you,” Phil said defensively, “Go back to your fuckboy, then.”

“Fuck you, Phil!” Dan shouted.

“Fuck you too!” Phil growled, turning and stomping away.

Some people were staring in shock and amusement at what had happened, but Phil paid no attention to them. All he cared about was going back to the hotel and passing out on the bed and being away from the party. So, he beelined for the door.

However, he wasn't expecting Louise to run up to him.

“Phil are you alright?” Louise asked, grabbing his shoulder. He stopped, turning around to look at her.

“I’m fine,” Phil growled, brushing her hand off his shoulder. He was furious and wanted nothing more than to leave the party. He felt like if he saw Dan and the stranger again, he would be sick all over the floor.

“Phil, Dan fanc-” Louise started to say.

“I don’t want to hear it,” Phil snarled. No doubt she was going to defend Dan; she was his best friend, after all. She knew nothing about the way Phil felt. She didn't know how painful it was to see Dan dancing with someone else, a stranger no less. It was like a slap in the face for Phil.

“Let me at least call you an Uber, if you’re going to stomp out of here,” Louise said, already pulling out her phone.

“Fine,” Phil said begrudgingly. He knew he was in no shape to try to walk back to the hotel he barely remembered in a city he didn’t know. However, his skin felt like it was crawling, just thinking of Dan and the man. He needed to get out of the house.

“Can I wait outside?” Phil asked.

“Sure,” Louise said, causing Phil to turn around and again walk determinedly towards the exit. It didn’t take him long to find the door and step onto the entryway stairs. He sat down on the slightly cold steps, but he barely noticed.

He heard a sound next to him and he looked over to see Louise, sat right next to him.

“You followed me out,” Phil said, surprised.

“You need someone right now,” she said softly, “besides, you have none of the Uber information.”

“True,” Phil chuckled darkly.

They sat in silence. Phil felt like his brain had slowed a bit, helped by the warm summer night air. He was still angry at what had occurred, but he felt his anger settling with the passing cars. Phil already knew that he had overstepped and he was going to regret what he had said in the morning, but she wasn’t bringing it up. Louise didn’t lecture him, or tell him off for yelling at Dan, which is what he expected. Instead, she just sat beside him, watching the cars roll by. He was thankful for her presence, though, just to support him and tie him to reality a bit. 

Soon enough, a car pulled up by the pavement and Louise tapped him on the shoulder, snapping him out of zoning out.

“It’s you,” she pointed the car.

“Alright,” he nodded, standing up slowly and ambling down the stairs. Part of the way down, he stopped, turning around and looking at Louise.

“Louise?”

“Yeah?”

“Thank you,” Phil nodded, “You’re a good friend.”

“Thanks, Phil,” she smiled, “Now, go along.”

Phil nodded again, smiling before making his way to the car.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys! HAPPY NEW YEARS! i hope you all had a good evening and if you didn't, that's okay. i spent new years eve with my grandma and her friends and though it wasn't the 'ideal' party, it was still super fun. if you spent new years at a cool party or at home in bed, you're valid.
> 
> anyways, trouble in paradise, huh? you all thought the fighting was over, huh? what do you think is going down? let me know in the comments if you are so kind and inclined. this chapter was fun to write, so i hope it was fun to read! i promise there will only be angst for another few chapters :)
> 
> i am back to school next week, but i will be posting on Tuesday at about 2:30 (or later, i don't know exactly when because im not sure how my class schedule is gonna be). so, until then, stay safe, alive and well in this new year. love you all!


	16. Prague, Czech Republic to Vienna, Austria

Phil definitely regretted what he said.

When he woke up that morning, he was hungover. The room was too bright---he was too exhausted to shut the blinds when he got back to the hotel, which was a mistake. His head felt like it was pounding and he felt queasy. However, he didn’t get the benefit of forgetting what had happened the night before. The minute he was fully awake, he remembered everything that happened with Dan. Once the memories came rushing to his mind, he groaned and buried his face into the pillow. Why did he feel the need to say that? Why didn’t he just leave peacefully? He wished that he could forget it, or blame it on the alcohol, but at the core, that was pure Phil talking. Sure, that might’ve been the most honest he had ever been regarding his feelings towards Dan, but that was certainly the only positive thing about the event. That was not the way he should’ve approached being jealous.

It was rather depressing how quickly everything went to shit. The day before, he and Dan had been on good terms; sure, things were a bit weird feeling, but they were as close as they always were. Now, it felt like their friendship was severed by their fight. Dan had every right to be angry at him; no real friend would be so blatantly rude about the life choices he was making. Sure, friends could give their opinion on a date, but Phil took it way too far. He was ordering Dan to stop dancing. How dickish was that?

The crew was supposed to leave the hotel for the train station at 8 that morning, but when the sun rose and woke Phil up, it was around 5:30. As the sun rose, the light got brighter and brighter, the soft golden glow losing its amber as time went on. If Phil was awoken by the beginning of the sunrise, there was no chance of him going back to sleep (his sleep mask was in his suitcase, but he couldn’t be bothered to get up). So, Phil just stayed in bed, his head in his thoughts, replaying and analyzing the fight. Some of the details were fuzzy since he wasn’t sober, but most of the content was there. The details weren’t as important as the overall message: Phil had overstepped his boundaries and tried to impose himself out of jealousy. The unadulterated truth.

The crew was rather quiet on the bus ride to the train station; all of the equipment was shipped by trucks earlier that morning, so the bus was just filled be people. Phil figured that most of them were just as hungover and tired as he was, which was a relief because no one seemed up for conversation. Sure, it wasn’t the earliest they had to wake up, but they were all struggling. Even though Phil sat on the other side of the aisle from PJ and Sophie, they didn’t say anything to each other. Which was fine, since Phil was still thinking about how on earth he was going to apologize to Dan.

When they boarded the train, Phil didn’t feel any better. He caught a glimpse of Dan while boarding, just enough to recognize it was him. However, just as Phil recognized who it was, he disappeared with Louise up the steps.

The train was sectioned off into little compartments meant for 6 people. Luckily, PJ and Sophie and Phil were grouped. They also had three more people: Leo and Tara, who were stagehands and Amy, who worked in ticket sales. You might think that it would be awkward for them all to share, but pretty much as soon as they got to their seats, everyone did their own thing. Leo plugged in his headphones and was trying to sleep (must’ve partied too hard). Amy was watching some show on Netflix, fully entranced by what was going on her laptop screen. Tara made small talk with them for a little bit, but then started reading a book. Sophie and PJ, after talking for a bit, began playing a game on Switch together. Phil tried listening to music and looking out the window, but the music interfered too much with his thoughts. So, he took out his headphones, continuing to look out the window.

He tried to let his mind drift to more distant and abstract thoughts, such as dogs in space or what would happen if you could combine two completely different animal species, like a fish and a chinchilla, but all of his thoughts kept going back to the ones of the night before. How much he had messed up. How much Dan probably hated him now. It invaded every part of his mind. It was making him miserable, his thoughts swirling around like a whirlpool, capable of major destruction.

After about an hour, he felt like his brain was going to melt. He had to do something about it.

So, He texted Louise.

**Phil: **is dan sitting beside you?

**Louise: **why?

**Phil: **i need to apologize for yesterday

**Louise: **good. he’s pretty shaken up. we’re in compartment 3 

**Phil: **okay. be there in a minute

**Louise: **alright i’ll make sure he doesn’t flee, even if he sees you. hope you two can work it out

Phil took a deep breath, then stood up. He grabbed his phone and slid it into his back pocket. He was nervous, but he knew if he tried to mentally prepare himself, he would talk himself into not going. 

“Mate, where are you going?” PJ asked, not looking up from the game.

“I’m just going to the toilet,” Phil nodded towards the door, “I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

“Alright,” PJ nodded.

Phil walked in the exact opposite direction of the loo once the compartment door closed behind him. He walked towards the front of the train, towards compartment 3. His brain was trying to come up with a sincere and comprehensible apology, but failing miserably. _ I should’ve written it down, _Phil thought. He should have prepared himself for this conversation. He considered turning around, but he knew inherently that writing it down was not going to help him at all. So, he kept walking towards the compartment.

When he finally reached the door, he saw Dan through the window, surrounded by Louise, Anthony, and Chris. There was a vacant seat that he assumed was for Tim. Dan was staring out the window, scribbling in what Phil assumed was his songbook. He looked distant and dark, a frown on his face as he dragged his pen across the paper. Louise was sitting next to him, watching Dan with an empathetic expression. Phil suddenly wanted to run far from this place. When did he ever do confrontation? Why did he think this was a good idea?

Louise made eye contact with him. Her eyes seemed to brighten a little bit. She nodded towards the door.

_ Too late now, I guess, _Phil thought, taking a deep breath and opening the door. Everyone's eyes went to him, but the only ones he cared about were Dan’s. When Dan looked at him, seemingly a million emotions flashed through his eyes. A thousand questions danced across his face. However, after about a second, his eyes darkened and his face settled into a grimace.

“No.”

“Dan, can I just talk to you?” Phil said, though his voice was sounding more unsure than he would like it to be.

“Absolutely not!” Dan shook his head, “What you said to me was completely inappropriate.”

“Please, can-”

“No-”

“Dan, come on,” Louise scolded, giving Dan a stern look, “Just hear him out.”

“Fine,” Dan looked back at Phil, eyes narrowing, “What do you want to say?”

“Could I please speak to you in private?” Phil nodded towards the hallway, holding his hands in front of him. He was pretty scared of Dan. If he thought angry Dan was intimidating, this Dan looked murderous. Cold and cutting.

“Fine,” Dan sighed loudly, tossing his songbook to the side, stomping out of the compartment.

The door shut behind them. 

“What.”

Phil took a deep breath again. He wanted to run so badly, but he willed himself to stand his ground. He didn’t open his eyes but started speaking quickly.

“I’m sorry for yelling at you at the party---you have the right to dance with whoever you want and I have no right to stop you. I shouldn't have gotten angry and I shouldn’t have said the things that I said and I shouldn’t have put my opinion on you like that and I shou-”

“Woah, that’s enough,” Dan placed his hand on Phil’s shoulder. Phil jerked back in surprise at the touch, feeling a slight tingling where Dan’s hand had been. His eyes flew open and he looked at Dan, who’s gaze had softened a little bit.

“I’m so so sorry. Can you forgive me?” Phil made an effort to make eye contact with Dan and be as sincere as possible. He could’ve sworn he saw something flash across Dan’s eyes, but it was gone as soon as Phil noticed.

“I’m not going to lie, I’m still pretty mad at you,” Dan sighed. He seemed more reluctant now than mad, which Phil couldn’t decide if it was better or worse. 

“But I guess.”

“Thank you!” Phil sighed in relief, hugging Dan immediately. Dan seemed to freeze up at the touch but Phil was too relieved to notice. They were okay again. They were friends. Everything was alright. So, Phil started talking to Dan about all of the stuff that he had wanted to since the night before. 

“So, in better news, since we have the day in Vienna, PJ was thinking that we check out this crypt. It holds royal intestines and it seems really cree-”

“I don’t know Phil,” Dan ran his hand through his curls. He wasn't smiling.

“Huh?” Phil was a bit confused. Hadn't they worked things out?

“I don’t know. I’m still upset,” Dan sighed, crossing his arms and leaning against the compartment wall. Phil's heart dropped.

“Oh,” Phil was immediately shut down. He should've thought about that.

"I feel if we just go back to normal, I wouldn't be acknowledging the hurt that I still feel. I still need some time to think it over."

"Yeah, that makes sense," Phil nodded, though he felt like he was getting smaller and smaller. Dan had every right to still be upset. Phil just didn't think it would take longer. Though, now that he thought about it, he shouldn't have assumed that things would just go back to normal.

“No, I really appreciate the apology,” Dan was quick to reassure Phil, sincerity in his eyes, “I’ve been feeling weird lately as well. There’s other stuff too. I just have a lot of emotions to sort through. I need some space to sort them out.” 

“Oh okay,” Phil’s heart shattered. He felt shittier than he had at the beginning of the conversation, which he didn't think was possible. Wasn't apologizing supposed to make everything easier? Wasn't it the beginning of the healing process? Phil wasn't feeling like that was true at that moment.

They stood in silence for a few seconds, Phil's eyes trained on the floor. His mind was whirring with worry, guilt, and shame. He barely registered when Dan finally broke the silence. 

“...so, are we done here?” Dan asked cautiously.

Phil just nodded, not looking up from the floor.

“Thank you, Phil,” Dan gave a ghost of a smile, entering the compartment and leaving Phil alone in the hallway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello friends! hope you enjoyed the chapter (even though it's sad lol). do you think they are going to work things out? do you think they are ever going to communicate effectively? let me know if you desire or are inspired to. also, the end is in sight, so never fear!
> 
> anyways, i will be posting next tuesday at some point, so until then, i wish you all the best! thank you for all your kind words and support :)


	17. Paris, France

Dan didn’t talk to Phil the next day. Or the next. Or the next.

Phil knew that it was Dan’s call when they wanted to talk. Dan needed time, but Phil didn’t realize how much time he needed. Some part of his mind had imagined it taking a few days, but two weeks had passed in Europe and Dan hadn’t said anything. With each day, Phil felt worse and worse. He knew this was about more than Phil’s blowup in Prague, but he couldn’t help but feel like whatever Dan was going through was completely his fault.

The worst were the days off. Since Dan had come to a few excursions with Pj, Sophie, and Chris before, his absence was painfully obvious to Phil. He tried to be excited and fully engaged when they explored the cities, but he couldn’t help but be a touch mopey. His mind just kept on replaying that night and every interaction he had with Dan, since the very beginning. He missed Dan, which was a surprise. He didn’t even miss his friends back home, but he missed someone he had only known for a few months and that he was technically around constantly. It seemed ridiculous. The ache was there, though, undeniably.

It was hard. He saw Dan most nights since the tour was still happening, but they didn’t speak to each other at all. It was a strange experience, seeing him on stage and at the cast dinners, but not being able to talk to him. Dan acted as if Phil didn’t even exist. Everyone must’ve got the memo, too, since no one asked about the abrupt change in behavior. Phil checked at the cast dinners and never saw Dan glance over once, which made him sad. It seemed like Dan had completely moved on; it would've felt better if he was at least as miserable as Phil. The tour now felt far lonelier than before, since Dan wasn’t a part of it. Phil realized in Dan's absence, that he took up a lot of Phil's day. His nights weren’t full of laughter and video games and when he wanted to text random animal facts that he learned from the internet, he had to hold himself back. Sure, he still hung out with Sophie and PJ, but there was an obvious lack. And every day, he was growing more and more aware of it. 

Of course, when they were in France, they had a free day in Paris. Of course. If there was anything to remind Phil of Dan and how alone he was, the city of love did the trick. So much about the city was romantic, from the architecture to the restaurants to the air itself. Before he was there, he was sure that it wasn't as lovely and charged as people claimed, but almost instantaneously when they stepped off the bus for the day, he knew he was wrong. People weren't exaggerating about the city; it had tangible energy to it.

The day was spent touring around Paris, PJ, Sophie, and Phil. They had spent most of the day poking around the town, popping into little galleries, cafes, and shops. They had gone to the Louvre since PJ wanted to see the artwork; Phil was surprised by the variety of work he saw that day. Sure, he saw the Mona Lisa, but he didn't expect to see so much modern art. During the day, the romantic energy wasn't as apparent. There was an atmosphere in the town, but it felt relaxing, almost soothing.

It was sunset and they were walking by the Seine when the atmosphere began to feel suffocating. PJ and Sophie were walking hand in hand, grinning like a pair of lovesick fools. Phil knew they weren’t the romantic, lovey-dovey kind of couple, but the romantic atmosphere of the city had gotten to them. He usually wasn't a fan of PDA, but he thought it was cute that they were being that affectionate. However, by consequence, Phil was feeling more like a third wheel than he ever had with the two of them. Usually, it wasn't a problem, but that evening, it was even more obvious that Phil was alone.

“I have a little surprise for you,” PJ said, smiling at Sophie.

“What’s that?” Sophie giggled, looking into PJ's eyes with a smirk.

“It wouldn’t be a surprise if I told you,” PJ laughed, shaking his head, “Come on, play along.”

“Alright. Lead the way,” Sophie giggled, swinging their hands between them.

“Does that sound alright, Phil?” PJ asked and Phil cringed. It felt wrong. Uncomfortable. He felt embarrassed that PJ even had to ask that. Even though he knew they would never admit it, he knew that he was mucking up their night. PJ had planned a cute surprise for Sophie and was letting Phil join pitifully. Phil did not want to be that person. The rest of the day hadn’t been bad, but at that moment, he knew he shouldn’t be there.

“You two can go on ahead,” Phil nodded.

“No, Phil,” PJ assured, “It’s fine. We want you here.”

“Please,” Phil gave them a look, “Go. Enjoy the city. I’m fine by myself.”

He knew that they were trying to be nice, but when he looked at them at that moment, he could see the relief in their eyes. He was right; they wanted this moment to be special, for the two of them. He was happy to provide that for them. That's what he would want if the roles were switched.

“Thank you, Phil,” PJ grinned, “I guess we’ll see you tomorrow.”

“See you tomorrow,” Phil said, his heart dropping. He didn’t realize how much they had been supporting his good mood. His mood was already falling fast, in anticipation of them leaving.

“Now, don’t hesitate to call me, Phil,” Sophie said, seriously, “We can’t have you getting lost.”

“I’ll be alright,” Phil rolled his eyes, “Go on you two, stop fussing.”

“Okay, see you, Phil,” Sophie said.

“See you, Phil,” PJ said, “Race you, Sophie.”

And with that, he started to run away. Sophie laughed in surprise, saying something about things falling out of her purse, but still running after him. Phil watched them go; they looked so happy and free, just glad to be with each other in the city of love. He watched as they ran down the street, laughing until they turned a corner and left Phil’s sight. Then, the night felt a lot quieter.

Phil continued down the path by the river, his head in his thoughts. He looked around him, seeing people bustle by. Families with giggling children. Groups of tourists taking pictures of the sunset against the Eiffel Tower. But, mostly, he was surrounded by couples, walking with lovesick smiles on their faces. There seemed to be one wherever he looked. Walking hand and hand along the same path as Phil, at restaurants along the pathway, seated outside and enjoying a discussion over dinner. He even saw what looked like the end of a proposal, where a couple was hugging some patisserie and all the other patrons were clapping. Phil looked at the happy couple for a few seconds before continuing to walk. He felt a pang of loneliness in his heart, much more prominent than the resounding lonely feeling he had during the day. He looked up at the Eiffel Tower, which was glowing against the darkening sky. The sunset was ethereal, with pink dancing across the clouds and golden light pouring over the city below. The city looked almost fantastical at that moment, so perfect as if it were written in a fairy tale.

He couldn’t help but think of Dan at that moment. Of his smile and his laugh. The way that he screamed whenever he was losing a video game or how warm he always was, compared to Phil always being cold. He thought of how it would feel to have Dan next to him, rattling on about how bogus the idea of soulmates is and how love isn’t real. And Phil would just roll his eyes, since he knew that Dan was trying to deal with the fact that he felt something, being in Paris with Phil. He would be trying to fight the effect of the city, but Phil would know all of his attempts were in vain. So, Phil would calmly take Dan’s hand in his and enjoy the city around him.

But Phil was left with the cold reality. He was alone in the city of love. He tugged his jacket more around himself.

He continued to walk along the Seine until the sunset darkened to dusk. He didn’t know how far he was going to go or how he was going to get back to the hotel, but he just continued, head in his thoughts. He was still strolling when he heard the light sound of music. It sounded like a ukelele, gliding over the warm, summer night air. It got louder and louder as he approached until it paused for a brief moment. Phil wondered for a moment if he had imagined the music. However, within a few seconds, it came back and after a few bars, a smooth voice started to sing.

_ At least I avoided cliche _

_ Holding nobody's hand along the Champs-Élysées _

Phil slowed his pace, looking around for who exactly was singing, but having no luck.

_ Taking my time _

_ Breaking bread, sipping wine _

_ Meant for two _

Phil finally found the source of the voice. There was a guy sat slouched next to a building, his ukelele case in front of him open. A street musician. 

_ It's a beautiful city for saps _

_ But turn out the lights, we're too clever for that _

_ And I know, I know we're not in love _

_ But we'd fool this old town _

_ With the view of us, thoughts from the tourist _

_ Alone _

Phil couldn’t move. His heart was sinking as he stared at the Eiffel tower, glowing against the dark background of dusk. His heart panged. This song was hitting much harder than he thought it would.

_ We could fall for the streets of Paris _

_ But the Eiffel's a joke and the punchline is me _

_ And you know, you know it's not funny _

_ But we'd laugh till it was _

_ Just the two of us, thoughts from the tourist _

_ Alone _

Phil's heart felt like it was being twisted in his chest.

_ And I know, I know that we tried _

_ To survive on a lie we couldn't endure_

He felt a tear roll down his cheek. Which he was too transfixed by his emotions and the song to wipe away.

_ So what's just one more _

_ Thought from the tourist, imagining the two of us _

_ Alone? _

The man ended with a last chord and Phil snapped out of it the trance he was in. He wiped his eyes, his hands coming away wet. He shoved his hands in his pockets with a huff. How pathetic.

When Phil looked back at the man, he saw that the man was already looking back at him. Phil’s eyes were puffy and full of tears as their eyes met. He gave Phil a small smile. A warm, understanding smile, as if hugging Phil and saying “_ I know it feels hard right now, but it will get better. _ ” Phil tried to smile back, but could only manage a measly half-smile as if saying _ “I sure hope it does.”_

And with that, Phil left a bit of money in the man’s case and left without saying a word.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello friends! hope you enjoyed this chapter! i know it was sad, and that it's hard to see little philly like this, but it will get better soon. we're nearing the end and there will be a happy ending, so never fear!
> 
> the song i referenced was not fake, but in fact "A Love Song From Paris" by John Cozart, aka PAINT on youtube. if you haven't listened to it, i would recommend it, for it's beautiful(both sonically and visually) and heartbreaking at the same time.
> 
> i will return next tuesday with another chappie. please leave a comment if you desire or are inspired. until then, i love you all and i wish you well in this next week.


	18. Madrid, Spain

“Alright, it’s time to program the new song,” Lizza said through the mic, catching Phil by surprise. He thought it was the end of soundcheck, for they had gone through the usual routine. He was actually about to take off his headset and let the opening band's lighting guy, Jim, get into position. However, when Lizza said there would be a new song, Phil was confused, to say the least. He looked over to PJ. _ New song? _ He hadn’t been told about this.

“Yeah, they let us know in the company email,” PJ shrugged, looking back to the stage in front of him. _Oh, _Phil thought. He read them now since Louise guilted him into it, but he merely skimmed them(they had so much information, it was hard to digest it all). Guess he missed that part.

“Please hold on stage,” Lizza said into the mic, then switching over to headset and saying, “So, as you guys probably read in the email, this song is going to come right after Existentiality, to kind of slow down the audience.”

“Phil, we want something that feels intimate,” Lizza said, “Dark purples and blues, with soft light on the band. We want the audience to be moved by the song. You know what to do.”

“Alright,” Phil said meekly back. _ Intimate? _ He looked at Dan, standing on the stage looking like he wanted nothing more than to be done with soundcheck. Phil had been staring at him for the past hour, entranced by Dan’s every movement. When Lizza said intimate, Phil’s immediate thought was the song was about Mr. Praugue, which was already making Phil upset. Sure, he was in the wrong to call Dan out about it, but his feelings were still valid. To be honest, he didn’t want to watch Dan prance around singing intimately about anyone. He hoped the lyrics stemmed from another band member's love, but he couldn’t be sure; besides, most of the songs were about Dan, so it was not likely to be one of theirs. _ I just have to do my job, _Phil sighed to himself. He placed his hands on the board and looked over at PJ. No matter what he was feeling, he was going to make this song look incredible.

“Booth is ready,” PJ said into the headset, nodding at Phil.

“Thank you booth,” Lizza said back on the radio before switching over to the main mic.

“Alright guys, we’re ready. We’ll program live in the song, so please just perform as if this was the real thing. Things might not be perfect right now, but we only need it about twice to get it down.”

“Alright,” Dan nodded, taking a deep breath and instantly transforming into danieldreamx. His smirk was back and he looked confident as hell. He placed his hand on the mic stand, chuckling before speaking into it.

“Hey guys, this song is called_ You Leave Me in the Dark. _It’s pretty angsty, but I know you all love that. Hope you guys enjoy it.”

Louise started slowly with the bass, Anthony, Tim, and Chris joining in to make a slow, sultry kind of sound. Phil's heart was caught in his throat, but he made his hands move across the light board. He tried to match that energy by making the lights fade from purples to blues, which looked cool on the stage. Dan was looking down, nodding his head along to the beat. 

_ Drunken words and broken texts _

_ Spinning 'round, all in my head _

_ Context conflicting, smiles and lies _

_ Though I can’t I try, I try _

_ My heart is not a game _

_ Yet you can turn me lame _

_ With just one word _

_ My mind’s absurd _

Phil's eyes went wide as the song continued. It felt as if time had both stopped and was flying by. Though, his heart was speeding and felt heavy.

_ Please let me know just what you mean _

_ I only know what I have seen _

_ You have to know just what this seems _

_ But all your words, just sound obscene _

...

_ You leave me in the dark _

...

Phil’s hands were flying over the board, but his mind was thumping with each lyric of the new song. His hands were shaking as he felt the pain of the song as if he was experiencing it himself. Each word dug deeper and deeper. He tried to be objective and just focus on the lighting, but he couldn’t help but deeply feel the lyrics.

Once the song was over, there was a tangible heaviness to the air. Phil felt like it was too thick to breathe, merely staring at Dan, who had his eyes closed. He looked in pain too.

They did indeed go through the song twice, which didn’t help the ache in Phil’s heart. It just seemed to twist the knife.

He was so grateful when the song finally ended again.

“Alright guys that looked great,” Lizza said, breaking the tension in the air, “We have an hour until house.”

Lizza signed off headset then, signaling that soundcheck had indeed ended. Phil sighed, trying to slow his racing mind. He pushed back his chair and just stared at the board. He was still trying to process what had happened. The booth was eerily silent, both PJ and Phil frozen at their boards. Phil looked up to the stage, where sound techs and stage crew were now setting up for the opening band. He and PJ seemed so distant and separate in the booth as if they were watching from a screen.

PJ was the one to ultimately break the thick silence.

“Holy shit,” PJ chuckled, “That was depressing.”

Phil nodded, his mind now moving at what seemed like hyper-speed. His heart was heavy, but his mind was running with questions. One question, in particular, was so powerful, he couldn’t contain it. It practically exploded from his lips. He couldn’t look at PJ while he asked, but he felt like he physically had to say it.

“Do you think it was about me?”

“Are you serious?” PJ looked over to him with a scoff, “Of course it was about you.”

“Are you sure?” Phil sighed, “I mean, I’m probably making it a bigger deal than it is. It’s probably about something else.”

“Phil, you aren’t overthinking this. It’s definitely about you,” PJ shook his head.

“How do you know?” Phil looked over to PJ reluctantly.

“I don’t know, I just had a feeling,” PJ chuckled dryly.

Once it was certain that the song was about him, the misery quickly set in. He was the one who had made Dan write those incredibly depressing lyrics. He was the one who had caused that pain. He had no idea that caused Dan to suffer like that. The thought was making him ill.

“I had no idea I hurt him like that,” Phil said quietly.

“You have to talk to him,” PJ said immediately, looking over to Phil.

“But he told me I need to give him space,” Phil said meekly, not looking back to PJ.

“Bullshit,” PJ said, running his hands through his curls. “If that isn’t a cry for ‘please talk to me, Phil’ I don’t know what is.”

“I don’t want to overstep his boundaries.”

“Whatever, mate,” PJ shook his head, “Do what you want, I don’t control you. I just don’t know how much more of this angst I can take.”

\---

Phil had been sitting in his hotel room. The show was a few hours earlier and had gone very well. The audience was so into the new song, which was expected (especially since they seemed to love whatever the band produced, disregarding quality). Listening to the new song for the third time felt visceral to Phil as if the lyrics and chords were slowly gutting him with a knife. It was almost painful to hear the audience cheer and scream afterward since he felt so terrible after hearing it. However, he had recorded the song with his phone, which he had now played over 20 times in the hotel room. He had been listening to the song and thinking about what PJ had said, pacing around in his hotel room. The song had become less painful to listen to---probably because he had to stare at Dan sing it before and now, he just had the empty wall to stare at. He was dissecting the lyrics, which he had now realized weren’t all related to him. In fact, upon his 15th listen, he was realizing that most of it probably didn't relate, since Dan was talking about heartbreak. Perhaps Dan was talking about Mr. Prauge or someone else, as much as Phil hated that thought. Perhaps Dan was talking about something else. There was no doubt that they were some pretty heartbreaking lyrics, though. 

When Phil first arrived at the hotel room, the idea of marching up to Dan sounded absurd. However, by the end of about an hour, he felt the need to talk to him. Once Phil had reasoned that he wasn't the main cause of the pain, he felt the need to do something about it. After all, Dan was his friend. Phil never wanted any friend or anyone to feel the way Dan wrote about. PJ was right; they needed to sort their differences out. Or Phil just needed to do whatever it took to support him. It didn’t matter if Dan wasn’t ready, Phil couldn’t handle himself any longer.

So, he picked his phone and dialed Louise.

“Louise.”

“He doesn’t want to see you,” Louise said immediately. Someone wasn’t in the mood for pleasantries. Phil wasn't surprised though; what else would he want to talk to her about?

“Come on, please?” Phil whined, “I really need to talk to him.”

“No.”

“Please?” Phil said in a lighter voice, hoping that she would cave to his soft voice.

"Phil," Louise sighed, "You know how much of a mess he is. You should leave him alone right now."

"Louise," Phil said, "I don't know what he's going through and I know I messed things up before, but I feel like I need to be there for him right now. Look, if he turns me away, then whatever, he can slam the door in my face, it's fine. But won't you give me even the slightest chance of trying to make things better?"

"I dunno-"

"Please, Louise?" Phil pleaded, "I'll buy you coffee for the next week?"

“Alright, fine,” Louise sighed, causing Phil's heart to light up in excitement, “He’s being a hermit in his hotel room.”

“What room number is it?”

“Check the company email,” Louise chuckled darkly, “Would’ve thought you would’ve known that by now.”

“Thanks, Louise,” Phil sighed, about to hang up the phone, but Louise spoke again.

“Hey, Phil?”

“Yeah?”

“Please go easy on him,” Louise said earnestly, “He’s pretty fragile right now.”

“Alright,” Phil nodded, “I promise.”

“Thank you, Phil,” Louise sounded resigned, but grateful, “Good luck.” 

\---

It seemed like a blur from when he called Louise to when he knocked on Dan’s door. He had practically run out of his hotel room when he found the email and, consequently, Dan’s hotel room number. He felt a sense of urgency and a sense of needing to make things right, preferably as quickly as possible. Before he knew it, he was knocking on the hotel room door.

Of course, no one answered. Usually, Phil would feel too awkward to knock again, but he had come too far to be a coward. Besides, he didn’t know if he could go back to his room without anything happening; he felt like he was going to explode or melt if he didn’t do something about his racing mind.

He knocked again.

No answer.

“Hello?” Phil said through the door, “Dan, Louise told me you were here.”

“I don’t want to talk to you,” his heart skipped a beat at the sound of Dan’s voice, albeit it was a bit rough and muffled by the door. At least he had a response.

“Dan-”

“I don’t want to talk to you.”

“Open the door,” Phil said, crossing his arms.

“No.”

“Open it,” Phil used a serious tone, his voice going lower and his eyes narrowing. He usually wasn’t serious, but he knew how to be stern and sinister when he needed to be. And he knew it had an effect.

The door creaked open.

“What do you want,” Dan looked pale and his eyes had bags underneath them. He didn’t look like he had during the show, cool, confident and nonchalant. Instead, he looked tired, his hair was sticky from hairspray, and his sweatpants had a grease stain on the thigh. Phil felt a pang in his heart; hopefully, he hadn’t caused too much of this.

“What’s going on?” Phil said, “You’re obviously upset.”

“You don’t know?” Dan scoffed, crossing his arms, “Come on, Phil, I know you’re not that dense.”

“I don’t know if you’re still upset about what I said in Prague, which I am sorry about. I just feel like there’s something more.”

“That’s for fucking sure,” Dan scoffed, looking down at the ground.

“What is it?”

“You should know.”

“Can we just talk for once?” Phil asked, “We never talk about what’s happening.”

“What do you mean?” Dan said.

“We talk, sure, but there’s all of this subtext and body language that we never address and it’s driving me mad. It doesn’t make any sense. Everything is conflicting. We just need to flat out say what we mean so this gets less confusing.”

Dan rolled his eyes, but still walked back into the room, letting Phil follow him. Phil closed the door behind them and Dan sat down on the unmade bed. The room was dark with only one light, emitting an amber glow across the room. Phil was only concerned with Dan though, who was looking down at the bed as if he was wishing it would swallow him whole. Phil hated that Dan felt like that, but he knew this needed to happen.

“So, what do you have to say to me?” Dan said abruptly, looking up at Phil with a glare.

“Okay,” Phil racked his brain for a way to start the conversation that needed to happen, “So, we know that you were upset by what I said, but were you upset before this?”

“Not really,” Dan shrugged, not making eye contact and staring at the bed, for once not rambling on. Phil couldn’t let Dan's lack of response deter him; he was going to make this conversation happen no matter what.

“Then why the need to completely stop talking to me?” Phil rubbed his hands over his eyes, “If there was nothing wrong before, I just feel like it would have been easier to get over than it has.”

“Why do I have to give you any reasoning?” Dan shook his head, “Aren’t I allowed to take the time I need to forgive you?”

“Yeah, but Dan, it’s been two weeks.”

“So? Who gives a fuck?” Dan said, looking up at Phil, disgruntled, “Why are you being so harsh on this?”

“Because we need to be transparent,” Phil groaned, starting to pace a little bit, “I'll never know what you’re thinking if you don't tell me. So, is there something else going on? Like the depression or family or tour-”

“Why do you care, Phil?”

“What?” Phil was taken aback, stopping and turning to Dan.

“Why do you give a fuck?” Dan looked up at Phil, his face in a scowl, “You could just be around for a laugh and to play video games with, but you’re so invested in me. Why do you even give a shit?”

“Why are you asking this?” Phil said, feeling the hurt in his heart return sharply. They were quickly approaching the painful part of the necessary conversation. Phil needed to stick with this or else it would amount to no progress. However, he was starting to forget his objectivity and let emotions consume him.

“Of course I care about you. You’re my friend.”

He saw Dan shudder at the word friend. What was that supposed to mean? Did Dan not consider him a friend anymore? Phil felt his heart sink more.

“A good friend wouldn’t manipulate me like this,” Dan muttered, but Phil could only hear half of it.

“What?” Phil said, getting frustrated, “Dan, you need to talk to me.”

“A good friend wouldn’t treat me like this,” Dan practically roared, getting up off of the bed and glaring at Phil, “There, is that better?”

“I guess,” Phil said cautiously, “You didn’t need to yell.”

“What do you want from me, Phil?” Dan said, opening his arms, his eyes getting watery.

“I just want you to be happy,” Phil gritted his teeth, “I can’t stand seeing you like this.”

“Then why don’t you just leave me alone?”

“Because I need to know what’s going on,” Phil said, frustrated again, “Dan, talk to me.”

“I can’t take it anymore,” Dan yelled, “You are manipulating me! You tell me that you don’t want me and then you have the audacity to tell me to not get with other guys and then you-”

“Wait I never said I di-” Phil cut Dan off, his brain trying to catch up with what was happening.

“Yes you did,” Dan snapped back, “In Sydney. You made a big fucking scene.”

Phil tried to say something, his eyes wide and his head whirring with realizations. Dan wasn’t having it though, angrily throwing his hands into his hair.

“Phil, I want you so bad,” Dan growled, “I want you so fucking bad. I thought we might have something before that and I didn't want to rush to conclusions, but that night in Sydney-”

“What happened in Sydney?” Phil said, his heart and mind racing.

“You said that we could only be friends,” Dan’s voice broke a bit and his eyes seemed to be even more watery, tears threatening to fall, “but then you say shit like that I’m beautiful and get all possessive and god it doesn’t make any fucking sense-”

“Wha-” All of the pieces clicked together in Phil’s mind at that moment. Dan wanted Phil. Dan actually wanted him. He felt like his heart stopped for a solid few seconds. And then, came the mental clarity. Phil's mind felt still.

“And I try to distract myself with other guys, but you’re just always fucking there and-” Dan was still going on, a tear threatening to fall from his eyes.

“Dan,” Phil said, waiting for Dan to stop talking so that he could explain himself. However, Dan was still pacing. Phil was practically panting from holding himself back.

“-and it’s so stupid since I haven’t even known you tha-”

Phil couldn’t take it any longer. Dan was still talking, lamenting about how Phil was leading him on or some shit, but Phil marched right up to him. He couldn't hear any of Dan's words and everything looked like a blur, but his mind was set and his heart was racing. He then practically grabbed Dan’s face and smashed their lips together, as if he had waited one more second, he would physically explode.

Dan practically groaned at the contact, kissing back immediately. Phil felt a million things all at once, almost as if a supernova of tension had broken all at this one moment. All of the pent up emotions were cascading down, crashing over the both of them. All of the pain and hurt that they had been feeling seemed to catalyze the electricity of the feeling. 

It was overwhelming; there was too much to notice. How Dan's lips were slightly chapped. How Phil's heart ached for them to be closer. The predominant part though was enraptured in the feeling.

When Phil finally pulled back to catch his breath, their lips made a smacking sound. They were both panting, exhausted by the intensity of that moment. Phil stared into Dan’s eyes, which were starry and glazed over. Dan Howell was so fucking pretty. It almost made him angry that he had to wait this long to kiss him.

“I forgot how irritating you are,” Phil growled lowly. But all Dan did was pull him back hungrily.

Phil felt like all of this time they had spent together had built up to this moment. They kissed like they had been waiting an eternity to, trying in whatever way they could to make their bodies closer. At one point, Dan wound up on the wall, which proved to make their proximity as minimal as possible. Their kisses were explosive, their hands roaming as if they couldn’t get enough of each other. Phil grabbed for whatever he could as if Dan was going to disappear. His hair, which was still crunchy with hairspray. His back, which felt strong and secure against his touch. His fucking ass. Dan was being equally handsy, a similar sense of urgency between them. All of Phil’s angst and anger seemed to dissipate, the only thought running through his brain being _ Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan. _

Eventually, their kissing slowed down to a more thoughtful pace. The urgency faded away and what was left behind was a soft, almost fluttery feeling. Phil felt like he was glowing.

They finally pulled away and stood for a second, both in kind of a daze. Phil can’t stop staring at Dan, who’s lips were slightly pinker, and a little more color was added to his features. His brown eyes seemed to gleam with hope. Phil was sure that his eyes looked similar.

“Does this mean-” Dan started to say softly.

“Yeah,” Phil sighed, “I probably only said that in Sydney because I thought there was no chance of you feeling the same. Damage control.”

“Okay,” Dan chuckled, “Maybe we should’ve communicated. I’ve been miserable these past few weeks.

“Me too,” Phil smiled, hugging Dan tightly.

“I’m not now though,” Dan laughed, holding Phil tight.

“Me neither,” Phil chuckled, smiling into Dan’s shoulder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys! sorry, this took so long. college is a bitch this term and it's been taking all my time and mental energy. i'm not doing well though, so i just felt like i needed to finish this to have some control over something in my life, you know? also, this chapter took a while to write, but OH MY GOSH!!! IT HAPPENED Y'ALL!!! i hope you all are as jazzed as i am that everything is good! the tension finally broke between them! hurrah!
> 
> please leave a comment if you desire or are inspired. i always feel better after reading them. if not, i'll see you whenever i get around to uploading the next chapter. until then, hope that you're well and life is going well for you :)


	19. Barcelona, Spain

Phil was over the fucking moon.

It was the next day and it had almost been a full 24 hours, but he couldn’t stop himself from feeling giddy. They had a train ride to the next gig in the early afternoon and even though he and PJ were separated and he had to sit beside Tara, he had a smile the entire time. His chest felt light. He felt drifty as if he could float away on the wind passing the train. The day was overcast and drizzly, but if you looked at Phil, it would look like the best day on earth.

_He wants me. He likes me. _He felt so juvenile that those two facts made him so happy, but he wasn’t going to turn away the joy for the sake of saving face. Phil was overjoyed.

He tried to play it cool when they got to the venue. He knew if he acted any differently, PJ would be asking questions. So, Phil tried to be discreet and make his face more neutral.

However, PJ noticed the difference as soon as he stepped into the booth for soundcheck. Phil must’ve practically been glowing with happy energy.

“Wow, what happened to you?” PJ said, turning back to Phil and smirking.

Phil gave PJ a look, his smile appearing organically, with a light amount of heat in the cheeks. He figured there was no use hiding it. PJ’s eyes went wide, knowing immediately.

“No way,” PJ’s mouth was agape in shock, “Is this what I think it is.”

Phil nodded.

“No way. You’re shitting me.”

“Yeah, it did,” Phil smiled, sitting down in his desk chair and determinedly turning to the lightboard, trying to be nonchalant, “Fancied me the whole time.”

“Well that was fucking obvious,” PJ snorted, shaking his head “was starting to think that you’d be too stubborn to work it out.”

“I know. I can’t believe it,” Phil shook his head, powering up the board.

“How’d it happen?”

“I dunno, we just talked and figured it out,” Phil shrugged. He decisively left out the part about them making out and playing video games afterward. Figured PJ didn’t need to know those details.

“Oh, I'm sure that’s all you did,” PJ snorted.

“Shut up,” Phil laughed, “Who said you get to know?”

“You’re right,” PJ nodded, “I’ll back off. Nice to see you so happy, though.”

“Thanks,” Phil said, turning fully to the light board and seeing that it had almost powered on. He still had to wait a few seconds though.

The room was quiet for about 20 seconds before Phil felt the need to say something.

“It was nice,” Phil burst out. 

“Huh?” PJ already had his headset on; he was probably in work mode already.

“It was nice,” Phil determinedly stared at the faders instead of PJ. This was embarrassing.

“Bet it was,” PJ rolled his eyes.

Lizza must’ve said something over headset since suddenly PJ straightened up and scooted a little closer to his board. 

“Duty calls,” PJ sighed.

“What is it?” Phil asked.

“Preliminary mic check,” PJ nodded, “Yes, I am ready.”

“Oh, I didn’t realize we were already there,” Phil nodded

“Well, your thoughts were a little occupied,” PJ smirked, before hitting the call button, “Could I get hat mic?”

“Shut up,” Phil shook his head and PJ laughed.

Phil turned back to his board and set up his cue list. Setting up the show was second nature now, but he still felt that drifty happiness that had manifested before. It seemed like nothing could turn his mood.

Around 30 minutes later, when PJ had finished working with the sound techs and everyone was onstage, Phil noticed Dan immediately. His pleasant smile grew wider and his cheeks started to heat a little bit.

“There’s the bastard,” PJ chuckled.

“Yeah,” Phil said, but he wasn’t paying attention to PJ. All of his attention was caught up in the brown curls, the smile, the cute belly on display from the crop top. _ He wants me_, Phil thought as they ran through soundcheck, his hands gliding over the light board. _ He wants me. _

Later, the show went well, of course. The audience was excited but not as rowdy as some of the crowds they had had before. It was a pretty typical show and, thankfully it flew by. Especially because Phil stared at Dan the whole time. When they finally got to _ You Leave Me in the Dark, _Phil was almost smiling at the song. Yeah, it was awful that he made Dan feel that way, but it was almost a relief knowing that it was in the past now. They had figured things up and Dan no longer felt like that.

“That’s a wrap,” Lizza said, shutting her cue binder and notebook, “Good job boys,” she said to them before announcing for everyone to go to postshow over the headset.

“Isn’t it crazy that we are more than halfway done with the tour?” PJ said, “Time has flown by.”

“I know,” Phil nodded, “Its weird to think.”

“Hey, Sophie and I were going to grab drinks later with Chris if you want to go,” PJ said just as Phil checked his phone for the first time since the show started, his heart dropping when seeing the first notification.

**Dan: **i need to talk to you

This wasn’t a good sign. They had just figured out things yesterday, how had they already gone to shit?

Phil tried to play naive.

**Phil: **okay, what about?

Dan’s response was instant.

**Dan: **no. in person.

Phil’s heart sank.

**Phil: **okay when?

**Dan: **would now be okay?

“Hey Phil, are you coming with?” Sophie asked, shrugging her jacket on.

“No, I think I’ll skip tonight, but thanks,” Phil said quietly, still processing what Dan had said.

“Oh Phil, what happened? You were so chipper earlier,” Sophie hummed.

“I don’t know,” Phil sighed.

“Sophie,” PJ gave her a knowing look. At that moment, Phil was so thankful for that. He didn’t want to talk about it. Hell, he didn’t even know what it was yet.

“Okay, sorry Phil,” Sophie nodded, “If you want to talk about it, know that PJ and I are both here for you.”

“Yeah,” PJ smiled.

“Thanks,” Phil gave a small smile, “I appreciate it.” 

He checked his phone again.

**Dan: **im in my dressing room

He inhaled deeply.

“Good luck, mate,” PJ chuckled as if he knew what it was about already, “We’ll see you tomorrow on the plane.”

“Bye Phil,” Sophie smiled, “Give me a call if you need anything."

“Thanks. See you guys,” Phil nodded.

He pushed himself out of his chair. _ Here goes nothing. _

\---

Phil was backstage, his heart beating rapidly. His brain was reeling with all the possibilities that Dan wanted to talk about, helpfully none were positive. He tried to force himself to think of positive scenarios to help calm himself down, but they weren’t working. _ Like he would be that elusive about wanting to play Animal Crossing later, _he scoffed to himself.

The stage was cleared of most people besides the crew, who were busily trying to take down the show. No one paid him any attention, which was his hope. Phil was walking to where Dan said the dressing rooms were from the stage. He walked quickly, trying to not be stopped by anyone. Unfortunately, that wish was not granted.

“Hey, Phil!” He heard Louise, causing him to slow down, “What are you doing back here?”

Phil turned around to see her and gave her a look.

“Oh shit, I didn’t realize this was serious,” her smile dropped, “What happened?”

“I don’t know,” Phil rubbed his hand over his eyes.

“I don’t know either, but he seemed off tonight,” she sighed, “he wouldn’t tell me what though.”

“Great,” Phil shook his head, “Did he tell-”

“Yeah, but I would know anyway,” Louise smiled, “His whole demeanor changed.”

“That makes sense,” Phil said, “You said he seemed off?"

“Yeah,” she shrugged, “I was expecting him to be waffling on per usual, but he was quiet. I didn’t want to pry though.”

Phil just sighed. He didn’t know what this was all about, but he was sure he was in deep shit.

“Hey,” Louise gave him a look, “You need to remember how much you both want this. Hell, I didn’t listen to him rant about it a million times to see it not last 24 hours.”

Phil just smiled.

“Thanks, Louise.”

“And thank you for the coffee earlier,” she laughed, “I didn’t think you would do it.”

“Of course I would. I’m a man of my word,” Phil smiled.

“Okay, I’m going to go,” Louise said, “Good luck. You guys can work through this. Just remember how much you want this.”

“Thanks, Louise,” Phil nodded taking a deep breath.

“Alright bye!” Louise smiled.

Phil took a deep breath and walked the rest of the way towards the dressing room, trying not to overthink. _ Just remember how much you want this. _

\---

Phil finally reached the door. He took a deep breath. _ Better not delay the inevitable. _ He knocked.

“Come in,” Dan said.

Phil came in and the dressing room was the same as it always was. Dark. Intimate. He looked at Dan, who was occupied with putting moisturizer in the mirror. He already took his show makeup off and Phil could see every fine detail. Even though Dan still had dark circles, he did look better than he had the night before. Though they didn’t get much sleep. At that moment, Dan felt so far away, removed from Phil and unattainable in a way he hadn’t seemed before. Phil didn’t know quite what to say; he felt like he was with a complete stranger.

“Come on, sit down,” Dan rolled his eyes, “you look like I’m going to bite your head off or something.”

And the tension was broken. Phil remembered how to speak. And a rush of memories rushed to his brain. He remembered all of the laughs Dan and he had shared, the hours of bantering and fucking around. He remembered all the time he spent caught up on Dan’s brown eyes and his smile and his cute belly. That intimidation Phil had felt before completely melted away. This was Dan. Phil felt weirdly calm, which was unusual for him. He was only calm about a few things, things he knew were worth it. Lighting. His friends. His family. And now, this._ Remember how much you want this. _

He slumped into the chair with a new air of confidence.

“I ran into Louise on the way here,” Phil smiled.

“Really?” Dan was still rubbing his face, “Of course you did. Did she tell you anything?"

“There wasn’t much to tell,” Phil nodded, “So… what is this about?”

He figured there was no use in delaying.

“Oh, yeah,” Dan took a big sigh, looking at himself in the mirror one last time before turning around.

“I was just thinking....” Dan trailed off, “I don’t know how to say this.”

“Yeah?”

“I don’t know,” Dan sighed, refusing to make eye contact, “Maybe we’re rushing into things?"

“Into what?” Phil chuckled, “We just said we liked each other.”

“I don’t know,” Dan ran his hand through his hair, “I was thinking about how being with me is a lot to handle. I’ve had boyfriends in the past that haven’t worked out because of all the dreamx stuff and being in the spotlight and I don’t want that to happen to you too-” Dan was talking and it sounded exactly like what Phil’s thoughts usually were. All jumbled and panicked. It was weird to be on the other side of the panic, especially since he felt so calm about it.

“I think you’re worth it,” Phil cut him off.

Dan looked up with a surprised expression.

“Really?” his eyes were almost starry, “but you don’t even know the bad si-”

“Do you not remember how we met?” Phil chuckled, “I know your bad side.”

“Yeah,” Dan nodded, “I guess you do. But paps are a different mess. And the gossip magazines. They love to include my face without my permission and I know they would put you too if they caught wind of anything.”

“Well, you’re worth it to me.”

“But what about,” Dan tried to suggest, but Phil cut him off.

“That’s it,” Phil was trying to make it clear.

“But, how would it even work?” Dan sighed, “After tour, I am going to be in the studio for a while and you’ll probably be assigned another tour and I know you’re from London, but what use would it be if you’re not there?”

“Woah, who said I was going on a different tour?” Phil blinked.

“I don’t know. You probably are though,” Dan mumbled, crossing his arms.

“I don’t really know what I am going to do after this gig, to be honest,” Phil nodded, “But I do know that I like you and you like me and it would be stupid to not at least try.”

“I dunno,” Dan said, “I just don’t want to get all happy for it to go like it always does.”

“Come on, give it a try,” Phil smiled warmly.

“Phil-” Dan looked up.

“Please?” Phil pleaded, “Can we at least go on one date before you call it off?”

“Okay sure,” Dan chuckled, “You make it sound like I’m breaking up with you.”

“You do,” Phil laughed.

“Sorry,” Dan sighed, “I tend to overthink everything. Bad habit.”

“We’ll be quite the duo then,” Phil chuckled.

“I guess,” Dan smiled, “Thank you for not giving up on me too.”

Phil grinned, leaning forward to give Dan a little peck on the lips, before immediately pulling away.

“I’m sorry, am I allowed to do that?”

“I think after all that happened last night, that should be obvious,” Dan laughed, rolling his eyes before leaning forward and connecting their lips again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello everyone! i am so sorry for taking this long to update! i know that im not great about regular updates usually, but time FLEW by this time around. thank you for your patience and for still reading this story. there's only one chapter left and that will be up by the latest next tuesday, so this journey is almost over. thank you all for taking the time to read this little story and bring me joy with every comment. i appreciate you all SO much. please be healthy and take care of yourself until next week. thank you for everything!


	20. Cape Town, South Africa

“Louise, I have no clue what I am doing,” Phil sighed, sitting down on the hotel bed. The fated “one date” was in about 45 minutes. His mind was racing and coming up with each awful scenario for the night ahead, doing nothing to calm his nerves. He had called Louise at least an hour ago, but he was still babbling on, marching around his hotel room in a robe. At least he went exploring in the morning with PJ, Chris, and Sophie, which distracted him somewhat. He did not know how he would cope had he done nothing all day. They didn’t have the show that night either, so he would just be working himself up all day. He shuddered at the thought.

“Phil, you’ve been planning this date for a week. You know what you’re doing,” Louise chuckled on the other side of the line. It was true; he got a lot of help from Louise, but he had been working on it for the last couple of days. Everything was ready to go, he just had to show up.

“But what if he doesn’t like it?” Phil looked out the window at the city skyline. It was insane that, even though he had been to so many cities, the skyline looked the same pretty much everywhere.

“Phil, if you took him to a dumpster, he would love it,” he could hear the eye-roll in Louise’s voice.

“I dunno, maybe I should have booked that skydiving adventure-”

“Phil, you’re afraid of heights-”

“What if he’d rather do that?”

“Trust me, he’s going to love what you’ve planned.”

“Bu-”

“You have spent too much time on this to back down,” Louise huffed. She must’ve been getting tired of saying that. She’d been talking him down for a while, after all.

“What am I goi-”

“Phil, I already helped you pick out an outfit. Remember to iron the shirt,” Louise said, “Look, I have to go, Dan’s on the other line. It’s going to be fine!”

“Okay,” Phil took a deep breath, “Thank you, Louise. I owe you.”

“It's alright,” Louise giggled, “Okay, I really need to go.”

“Alright bye!”

“Bye!”

Click.

Phil threw his phone down on his bed, running his hands over his face. _ Okay, you can do this. _He took a deep breath and started to take the clothes he and Louise had picked out of the suitcase.

Showtime.

\---

Phil looked down at the email pulled up on his phone, checking for the 100th time that he was in front of the right room. His nerves had not dissipated on the walk there; if anything, he had grown even more nervous. However, he knew he just needed to get it over with. _Here goes nothing. _He knocked on Dan’s hotel room door.

Before he could fully compose himself, Dan opened the door. Phil blushed. Dan looked great as usual, which just added to Phil's anxieties.

“Hello,” Phil said, already fumbling over his words.

“Hey,” Dan seemed more meek than usual too, giving Phil a small smile before rubbing the back of his neck.

There was a bit of awkward silence, like neither of them knew what to say and they were waiting for the other person to say something. Phil's mind was racing, more rapidly than usual. _Why does this feel so weird? Why is this awkward? Should we not be doing this? _

Phil broke the silence after a few seconds, his face already flushing up.

“You look great,” he said quietly.

“So do you,” Dan chuckled, his face heating up as well.

The conversation fell dead again. _ What am I supposed to say? _ Phil thought. _ What do people normally say on dates? _ Phil was no dating master, but he thought he was better than this. Why was he freezing up so badly? Besides, this was Dan; why was he so nervous? Maybe all the built-up angst and anticipation was making him freeze up.

Finally, Dan broke into laughter.

“What are we doing?” Dan laughed, “This is so awkward!”

Phil chuckled, the tension slowly melting away. _ Yeah, what we’re we doing?_ Sure, Dan looked even more gorgeous than normal, but it was still Dan. Dan, who he had stayed up playing video games with in hotel rooms and talked for hours with. This shouldn't have been any different.

“My God, you would’ve thought we had never spoken before,” Dan said, "Come on, let's act normal.”

“Okay,” Phil nodded. Not be weird: that was going to be hard for him.

"So, what are we doing?" Dan asked, raising an eyebrow with a small grin.

"Wait and see," Phil said cheekily.

"Really?" Dan laughed, "You're not going to tell me."

"No."

"Really."

"Its a surprise!"

"Fine," Dan sighed, probably trying to sound annoyed, but a smile was still on his face.

“Alright, let’s go,” Phil grinned, holding out his hand. Dan looked at the hand and then up at Phil with a wide grin and sparkling eyes. He took the hand gingerly and they began their walk down the hallway. _Of course, he has the most perfect hand, _Phil blushed, trying to focus on the end of the hallway. Hopefully, this date was not going to be the death of him.

\---

“Phil, where the actual fuck are we going?”

“Heh,” Phil just shook his head, looking out the window at the city below. They had been driving for around 15 minutes, having already driven beyond the city limits, winding up through shrubs and desert. He was glad that he had put the divider up so that the poor driver didn’t have to hear Dan asking where they were going for the millionth time. He couldn't help but smile though; Dan's curiosity was endearing.

“I thought I had an idea before, but I literally have no clue.”

“Come on, Dan, don’t spoil the surprise.”

"Alright, alright."

They drove passed tons of cars parked alongside the road, which Phil guessed were hikers that had probably taken off later in the day. _We must be getting close._ A few people were walking on the other shoulder of the road, presumably towards the trailhead. Phil was glad he wasn’t amongst them.

Around 20 seconds later, they were approaching the facility, which was far more extensive than Phil thought it was going to be. In his mind, it was just going to be a little shack with the lift. However, there were several buildings and quite a few people milling around. Phil didn't know how he was going to find where they were supposed to go, but he guessed they would figure it out.

The driver pulled off the road and into the dropoff area. Dan looked over to Phil.

"Is this it?"

"Yeah," Phil nodded, getting out of the car.

"By any chance, do you know which way the lift is?" Phil asked the driver through the window.

"Yeah, it's right through those double doors on the right," The guy nodded.

"Alright, thank you, sir," Phil smiled, tipping the driver before walking over to meet Dan on the other side of the car. Dan still looked confused, looking at the height of the building as if it was going to give him the answer to what they were doing. Phil just smiled and nodded in the direction of the double doors, starting to walk towards the entrance. Dan followed suit.

“All the signs say ‘Table Mountain’” Dan looked at Phil nervously, “We're not...climbing up a mountain, right?”

“Err…” Phil muttered, causing Dan to look shocked.

“We’re hiking up that?” Dan’s eyes were wide open, gawking at the stepped mountain that towered on the horizon, “Phil, you know I don’t do exercise. You don’t either. It's late in the day--and I didn't wear the right shoes--Whose idea was this? Are you trying to kill me?”

He grinned cheekily at Dan’s horror.

“If you want to hike it, we can, but I was just going to get tickets for the lift,” Phil nodded over to the sign that said: 'Cable Car Entrance'. He had already bought tickets the week before, but he was absolutely sure Dan wasn’t going to want to hike.

“Oh, thank god,” Dan sighed.

“Come on, let’s go,” Phil shook his head.

\---

The ride up was amazing. The website said it was gorgeous, but Phil didn’t realize how beautiful the views were until he was in the lift. He and Dan had been a bit hesitant at first since it was a bit crowded in the car. However, Phil forgot about the lack of space as soon as they started going up. He was usually afraid of heights, but the cable car felt sturdy enough that even though they were zooming up over the jagged hillside, he felt fine. As he looked out the window, he was in awe at the mountain range, seeming to separate the city. He didn't realize how close Cape Town was to the sea, but the city seemed to sit in a bowl, surrounded by the ocean.

Dan was effusive, tapping Phil whenever he saw something worth noting, which was apparently everything. Phil was glad to see Dan so excited though. He was cute when he was excited. _I still can't believe he fancies me, _Phil shook his head.

“As much as I love being inside, nature is really beautiful,” Dan said, staring out the window at the sea, glittering in the sun, “like, how dare it be so pretty?”

Phil just chuckled, amused with how bright Dan’s eyes were. _How dare you be so pretty, Dan Howell?_

They finally got up to the top of the lift and, as soon as they left the car, Dan was pulling Phil in the direction of the viewing area. Phil's heart beat a little faster when Dan took his hand; he didn't know if it would ever not affect him. There was a little bit of a holdup as everyone left the lift, but they weren't in any sort of rush.

"Thank you for taking me here," Dan squeezed Phil's hand, "I had no idea this was here."

"No problem," Phil chuckled. He was so glad that all he and Louise's planning had not been in vain.

Once they left the little lobby, they were immediately met by a moderate, chilling wind. He was happy to have Dan's warm hand.

“Geez, good thing we wore jackets,” Dan said, “I had no idea it was going to be windy up here.”

“Me neither.”

“Phil!” Dan slapped his wrist, “You didn’t do your research?” then he said quietly, “Did Louise help you?”

“Yeah,” Phil nodded, laughing a bit.

“That explains it,” Dan said, “Made me wear my jacket too. She’s such a mum."

“She’s your best friend.”

“Didn’t say that was a bad thing,” Dan said, shaking his head.

Now that they had left the cable, people had spread out. Phil realized there weren't too many people, probably because it was both wintertime in South Africa and midweek. Phil was grateful for this. These were the kinds of things that were always prettier when you didn't have to crawl all over people to get a glimpse of the view.

They finally grew near to the most popular viewing area that was supposed to give a spectacular look at the city and the sea. Before Phil knew it, Dan let go of Phil's hand and was running over to the edge, trying to get the best view. Phil smiled, shook his head, and lightly jogged after him.

“Oh my god, Phil, this is so beautiful!” Dan said, “I still can't believe I didn’t even know this was here!”

Phil took a deep breath. It was so peaceful, the top of the mountain. Other families were fussing over photos or walking around, but their presence was practically erased by the sound of the whirling wind. Phil normally didn't enjoy the wind, but it felt different up on the mountainside. He felt powerful and sturdy against the gusts, towering above the city below. He felt grounded, even with his quiff whipping around and his cheeks growing cold.

He looked over to Dan, smiling when seeing how caught up in everything he was. Dan was probably admiring the landscape, the way the buildings seemed to fade into the sea. The way the city sparkled below. How the mountains and hillsides towered above, reaching up towards the blue sky. The way that even though it was only late afternoon, the sun hung low in the sky. The view was spectacular, sure, but Phil was paying attention to other things. The way Dan’s hair glowed in the light and was blowing in the wind. His soft smile. How his eyes were wide in awe. The soft curves of his body. He was remembering all of the laughter they had shared, the pure joy and elation Dan made him feel. How comforted and warm he always felt around Dan. It was almost as if the essence of Dan was emanating from him at that moment, mixing in with the remarkable landscape.

Phil was enamored.

He couldn’t help but take out his phone and get a picture of the sight.

“Hey, what was that?” Dan asked, snapping his head to look at Phil just as Phil was putting his phone away.

“Oh, nothing,” Phil said but was probably smiling guiltily.

“I know you took a picture of me,” Dan shook his head, sighing loudly “I swear to god if it’s of me looking like an idiot, delete it right n-”

“I think you look stunning,” Phil said with certainty, meeting Dan’s eyes. Dan’s cheeks went pinker immediately and he looked down. _He's so cute, _ Phil smiled at the thought. He was happy that he could think this without any hesitation. Things had changed from before.

"Come on, let's go have a look around,” Dan turned around, taking Phil’s hand and leading them away.

\---

They were just wrapping up dinner at a small, local winery Phil had found. It was a relatively slow night there, for there were only two other couples in the dining room. However, the atmosphere was still charming, homey, and pleasant. Plus, the owners had been so hospitable. Even though Dan and Phil had been there for well over 2 hours, they were happy to have them there. They had even come over and talked to Dan about the different varieties of red wine and how they made them, while Phil watched amusedly.

The sun had long set and even though they had already spent hours together, they were still chatting as easily as always.

“That sunset was so beautiful.”

“Right?” Phil said, "I was surprised."

“I feel so classy,” Dan said, swirling the red wine around in the glass, “I’m sitting in a winery instead of clubbing or something. Since when did I become so sophisticated?"

"I don't know if I'd say that-"

"You spoon," Dan rolled his eyes, "whatever, it's not like I'm on tour all the time and don't have time to go to operas and golf clap or whatever cultured people do."

"Oh right, tour," Phil nodded, "We still have to do the show tomorrow."

"I know," Dan chuckled, "Weird to think."

The conversation died down for a little bit. It wasn't awkward like at the beginning of the date; instead, it was rather pleasant. Phil looked around at the other couples, who were talking and laughing together. He looked over at Dan with his windblown curls and pink cheeks from the coldness outside. Dan was looking out the window, lost in thought, but still with a smile on his face. Phil couldn't help but smile too. He felt warm and safe. It was a really nice feeling. He was really pleased that the date had gone so well. It was one of the best days he had in a while.

He looked down at his wine glass, "So...did you like today?”

“What do you think?” Dan said deadpan, rolling his eyes.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Dan smiled over the lip of the glass, “I could get used to this.”

“That’s good,” Phil laughed. Even though he knew it had gone well, it was good to hear confirmation from Dan too.

“How the hell am I supposed to top this next time?" Dan shook his head. Phil’s ears perked up at 'next time'. 

“Maybe invite Sarah Michelle Gellar?"

"How on earth would that make it better?"

"It's Sarah Michelle Gellar!"

"I forgot how much of a Buffy fan you are," Dan shook his head, "What's funny is I actually have her number."

"You do?" Phil said, shocked.

"Yeah," Dan said, "baby, I'm a star."

"Oh, right," Phil tried to ignore the baby', but his stomach still did a little contraction. _I hope he doesn't make that nickname a habit._

"Speaking of which, hey, you're still willing to deal with the fame and everything, right?" Dan said, sounding a little unsure.

"Yeah?" Phil chuckled.

"I'm serious, Phil," Dan sighed, "I really like you and I want this to work, but I know it can be a lot. I wouldn't blame you if yo-"

"Dan, I'm sure."

"Alright," Dan smiled wide, his eyes sparkling.

"Besides, I was famous once," Phil joked, "I was once in a commercial for two seconds and people would still come up to me years later."

“Of course you were,” Dan shook his head, "You're so strange."

“I know."

“I love it, though."

“I know,” Phil smiled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OH MY GOSH GUYS IT IS OVER! thank you all for sticking with it even with my shitty update schedule(lol). i really hope you all enjoyed it since i such had a blast writing it. thank you all for joining me on this journey and supporting me along the way. i really appreciate it! you all are the best!


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